Lesson 7 workbook stuff that I wanted to mention
ok THH you said your first run through the program with the evaluation you scored an 89, looking through my workbook I actually scored a 101 the first time through. Both are crazy high but I was even less assertive according to the scores. This time around i'm down to a 75. Thats a pretty big diffrence so the program and everything else i've been doing must be helping.
The hardest ones for me to do from that evaluation are the following;
Start up conversation with a stranger in a strange place
Tell someone you don't like them
Return food when its unsatisfactory
Tell your boss when he or she isn't doing their job properly
Turn in a dishonest co-worker
Ask someone to put out their cigarette
Look someone in the eyes when criticizing them.
Being assertive means you value yourself as a person. It means your time and your emotional comfort are important to you. It means you respect yourself enough to fight for yourself.
This is important to me because I didn't think like this about myself. I did the opposite really and it didn't really help. I read this and just thinking about it in action I do feel stronger and it just feels right. I feel a little bit like what I'd imagine those action movie heroes feel like when they kick the crap out of the bad people and justice is served.
Now I also wanted to mention some of the assertive rights things i struggle with and maybe you guys can relate with me on some of them;
When someone close to you needs a favor, it is selfish of you to put your own needs first.
->I struggle alot with this beacuse I feel by me saying no, I am putting them into an impossible and hopeless situation and causing them pain. I know this is just personalization at work but still difficult.
If someone is complaining and being negative around you, you should listen and be compassionate. Let them cry on your shoulder
->I struggle alot with this because I know alot about self-help, anxiety and depression and I have been told many things that others have not shared with anybody and also that I was abel to understand these people more than anybody else so I feel obligated to listen.
List 2 present situations in your life where you feel you need to be more assertive;
1)When my friend asks me to massage his shoulders everytime I come around even when I really don't want to
2)Confronting my sister
How can you be more assertive in these situations?
1)I could say I know how you like me doing that for you but I really don't want to do it right now.
2)I could give her the opportunity to ovice her opinion of me by asking her to clarify about show she thiks I'm cruel and I can listen without judgement and then ask her if there is antyhing else about me that bothers her. I can also let her know how bad I felt everytime she put me down and made fun of what I was doing and how I carried that resentment for years.
What is the worst reaction that can happen from being assertive?
1)My friend could get upset and stop talking to me.
2)My sister could try making me feel bad and then end the conversation before I'm doine saying what I need to say.
I feel angry because of what you said
A rule to keep in mind instead of saying you made me feel angry.
My 5 sentence mantra to use before, during and after an encounter;
->My feelings, thoughts, needs and ideas are important
->I have the right to stand up for myself
->I choose how to respond to others
->Nobody is going to stop me from becoming the person I want to be
->No matter what happens I can feel good simply for doing it
Would you care to share the reason for that, "hur-umph?"
Another thing to keep in mind is that I can say something like this. Especially if someone tries to change the subject and throw something negative in my face.
Assertiveness is not about winning, but being heard
Something to keep in mind before an assertive situation because I may not win even if I go and be assertive, I could be the person in the wrong.
One of my goals that I'd really like to do is find a few statements that I hear this week and record my responses into a tape recorder and play them back and listen for defensiveness, aggressiveness, victim-voice and whining. I think this would be a really great thing to do. I was also thinking maybe also having Assertiveness practice opportunities together. Possibly we can share a statement and then we all come up with how we would respond to it. Maybe we could even find some videos on youtube and work with them. Would you guys be up for that?
Mike
