The Challenge...Lesson 6

[mcshope]

I know that negative emotions are just messages that something is wrong and needs to change either with my perception, my communication or my behavior. I work with that message instead of feeling sorry for myself and I do what I can to change it.

Karen,
Sorry to hear you still are not feeling well. Have you taken some ibuprofen or tylenol?... Sometimes getting sick is a way of our bodies to tell us to slow down, so take it easy.

Mike,
It is ok if you want to spend a little longer on each lesson, however I agree with you that you were expecting too much. This is a process, once we finish, we can start all over again. Remember what Lucinda says... "don't expect to handle the lesson to perfection".

I liked your affirmations, they are good.
Also, good job on lowering your expectations. It is ok if you haven't listen to lesson 6, it seems like you have been busy. It is nice that you are getting to meet new friends.
I think that big expectations are also a bad habit, it takes time to break a habit... to lower your expectations takes time.
Do you give time for your muscles to rest?... I learned that it is important to not work the same group of muscles every day, that it is important to give the muscule at least 1 day between workouts... have you heard that before?

Have a nice day

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost. But I am moving in the right direction. I am in control of my life and thoughts. I know now that I create my anxiety and I can stop it.


Hope


I glad to hear that you were also able to get outside and do some yardwork....I love to get outside and enjoy the weather when it's no long hot...it makes me feel good..and to get some yardwork done makes me feel accomplished

I tried the e-cigarette before and just didnt like it, but Im so glad to hear it works for you

that's the thing with this lesson, it not only addresses people that act their anger out, but also letting things that bother you bottle up, which does affect many of us...I just try to remind myself "will this be important in a week? a month? a year?", that helps me to put things in perspective....

Thanks and I have been taking motrin at least once a day...it helps with the headache.....also, motrin is an anti-inflamatory, which helps with the swelling and pressure in my sinuses....so far today I feel ok (not sneezing yet lol)....but it usually takes me a whole week to get better if I dont get antibiotics....and I like to try to let my body fight things off on its own.....when I was younger I used to run and get antibiotics with every sinus problem...since I went to nursing school I learned that is not always the best option...

hope you have another great day!!!

[NinjaFrodo]

In response to THH;

Awe that is such an awesome suprise. You hadn't expected this person to be considerate and pay you back for how you helped them but he did and it just made your day. Could you imagine how life would have been if you had expected repayment from this person from the day you helped them up until now? How do you think you would feel once they did repay you back? You could also look at this with your sister in law. If you expect her to appologize you will end up making yourself feel miserable and probabbly wouldn't accept the appology as much as you would if you just forgot about it and she came and apologized later on.

WooHoo you won!!! I think since you are so much more positive, you are attracting more positive things in your life.

That sounds like a really awesome day for you.

By the way I've had a few dreams and thought you might be intrested. 1 dream last week I had was where one guy was pointing a gun at me and I took it from him and emptied out all the bullets which actually were little ball-bearings (I interpreted that as taking the control away from others and being less affected by their negativity that they direct towards me.

I had another dream this week where I had acupuncture needles in my legs I had tons of them and I was taking them out (I saw that as me removing the emotional/mental pain and letting it go)

I also had a dream where the Moon was larger than normal in a completely diffrent dream. I had no idea how to take that one.


Mike

[mcshope]

Mike,

I think your interpretation of your dreams is right. You are the best person to understand the meaning of your dream, however it feels like you are right.... The dreams are telling you that you are making progress... GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

I know exactly how you feel about your sataurdays and sundays. That is how I feel when I stay up late and sleep for too long, I rush and then feel guilty because I had many things planned and didn't get to do all of them. Its great you didn't feel that one today.

Just so we know how great of an accomplishment that is, how many cigarretes have you been smoking normally in a day?

Which surgery?

I also thought I wasn't angry either but I kept alot of my anger inward and I guess you could say was dwelling on it. I would always second guess myself as to if I was allowed to feel angry or not, if it fit in the situation or not.

What part of dwelling made you feel bad? The fact you were doing it or the fact that your focus was on something negative? I'm noticing lately myself that after doing the thought replacement for as long as we have been at the program this time around, I know I'm not dwelling so much and can break myself out of that anger easier. How are you with the thought replacement?

Yes true not expecting to be perfect is a really important thing to keep in mind. Personally I have just been more busy and haven't listened to the lessons as much as I wanted to and I didn't read lesson 5 until this week, I've fallen back on my relaxation, I haven't done those action assignments and I wanted to. I have just felt so overwhelmed because we are moving on and I'm still back on lesson 5 action assignments and doing those. I also think that understanding anger and assertiveness would be better if we took a bit longer to focus on this and talk about it because from what I noticed this is an important topic for a few of us wheather it is supressing the anger and dwelling on it or over-reacting.

Which affirmations?
Yeah it seems the main improvement this time around has been with the expectations and lowering them. I'm actually very very happy that I'm doing this because honestly it has made such a huge diffrence in my life. I am actually excited to wake up in the morning, I get excited to use this really awesome smelling free sample of shampoo that I got, I enjoy things more and feel happier and I want to go after my goals and I feel more empowered instead of defeated!

Yes I have heard that one before. I usually do 2 diffrent muscle groups a day as well as abs. I did get really overwhelmed though and I was slacking on going to the gym because I was actually demotivated. So now I think I'll just focus on going to the gym for the cardio and go from there and likely will just do abs and 1 muscle group and switch it up each day with at least 1 day rest from the gym.


Mike

Karen L;

Oh i'm sorry to hear about the respiratory infection. Somethings things get worse before they get better and the best thing you can really do is increase the elimination functioning. This being sweating, urination, and bowel movements. Also rest like you did and acceptance is great. You did very well it sounds like despite not being able to function how you do at a normal level and when I say normal level I mean normal for you at this point in your life and not normal as in before you had the condition.

Thank you! I felt really good about myself too and I still need to reward myself for it by going to the theatres by myself or with someone else.

I think you misunderstood, these people don't even know that he did abuse me so they really don't know any better. They also don't know that I have no contact with my nieces or sister or the rest of my family.


Mike

[mcshope]

Karen,

1 tbsp. of honey and 1/4 tbsp of cinamon... once a day for 3 days... old home recipe for upper respiratory infections.

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

I know that negative emotions are just messages that something is wrong and needs to change either with my perception, my communication or my behavior. I work with that message instead of feeling sorry for myself and I do what I can to change it.

Monday;
Today is thanksgiving well technically tomorrow is thanksgiving but people here celebrate it on sunday and then recover on monday.

I went to bed at 5am, I was ready to go to bed at 7pm yestaurday but I had told a friend I wanted to hangout and well since my phone died and I wasn't at home I couldn't get ahold of him and so when I did get home I called him and I felt bad and he asked if we still wanted to hangout and I said yes. I felt bad about pushing myself but I did it anyways. We got along really well and had some really good conversations and well I ended up getting home really late and to sleep late and woke up at 11am. It was gross and I didn't take my anti-depressant (trazadone) so my obsessive thoughts were a little stronger today and I just felt irritable. Usually in this situation I feel rushed and I put the normal ammount of workload on myself even though I don't have as much time to do it in so I set myself up to get overwhelmed. I didn't do that today. I didn't force myself to do many things like go to the gym and I was happy with that.

I was going to celebrate thanksgiving with a friend today and well he ended up meeting someone on a dating website who apparently just moved to toronto from BC with his boyfriend, his grandma died and he went back for the funeral and then came back and his boyfriend dumped him even after this guy moved to toronto because of him and so he had no friends and nobody to spend thanksgiving with. So my friend invited him and we all hungout and had a thanksgiving picnic. We had chicken instead of turkey and we had crappy uncle bens stuffing, carbonated juice and pumpkin pie and it was pretty fun. It was nice getting to meet someone new and I did notice when he first saw me he was pretty quiet, I figured it was a little anxiety about meeting someone new.

I feel that my emotions are getting stronger. Both the positive and the negative and well I've felt more angry lately ever since remembering how I stopped doing all those fun things because they were gay and how I didn't do fun things for years. I feel the supressed anger is starting to come up and I'm feeling a little worried about that. I'm afraid I may scare people away and ruin friendships.

Relaxation
relaxation cd in the am;
Had several angry thoughts come up when I was doing the session but I mostly was able to focus on it and enjoy myself.

Thought replacement
1)I have met many great guys and I'll have to committ to someone but I'm not ready.
[should]
->I am the only person putting this expectation on me. I have the right to choose who and when and its suppose to be a happy thing. Forcing it only makes me resentful of myself and everybody involved. I am expecting myself to move too quick, I'm going to relax about this and go with the flow and respect my needs.

2)I should date someone because I get along very well and have alot in common with them.
[Should]
->I have just met a few guys that I have many things in common with but I haven't even taken the time to really get to know them either. There could also be manyt things that I might not be able to look past when it comes to needs with a relationship. I don't know yet and I don't have to choose right now.

3)If I turn down the idea of a relationship then that person will feel devastated and I'll feel guilty.
[Personalization, Fortune telling, Magnification]
->People all react in diffrent ways and its not like I'm taking myself completely out of their lives by rejecting the idea of a relationship nor would I be rejecting that person. If they do feel bad then they will feel that way, accept my decision and eventually get over it. The worst thing I can do is get into a relationship because of guilt. It just creates alot of resentment, wastes time and hurts the other person's self-esteem or at least has that potential. I will get into a relationship out of positive, passionate and compassionate feelings.

4)I'm too tired to do anything today.
[Magnification, All-or-Nothing]
->I am tired but I can still do some things. This is a great opportunity to give myself a break and reduce my goals significantly today. Its even alright if I go back to old habits with my coping mechanisms. I can do that without guilt and then get right back into them tomorrow.

5)I'm going to be too anxious to get through the day.
[magnification]
->Its just anxiety and I can still function with or without it. I'm going to reduce the expectations on myself and its thanksgiving so I can simply enjoy hanging out with my friend. I have the skills to handle things.

6)There isn't enough time, I won't make it in time to my friend's place.
[magnification, fortune telling]
->If I feel i'm going to be late then I can simply just let him know and we adjust plans, no big deal.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Here is this weeks video;

I'll stand by you


Mike

[THH]

Hi Everyone! What a nice weekend! The weather was great, and I enjoyed some very positive surprises. I felt good!
Thanks everyone for being supportive with my big win! I will post the deposit evelope when they send me one to proof read! It is fun. I'm glad I entered.
For me in this lesson, dwelling will be something to really work on. I tend to do that.

Hope, Let me know how you do with the e cig.
It sounds like you had a very nice weekend as well. I too like doing things with my husband esp. yard work!
There are lots of things to work on doing this program! Anger session will be good to talk about. I at first thought I'm not angry, then I would dwell on something and be angry! It is something I have been working on, and will continue to.

Karen,
I hope you kick your colds butt soon! Don't forget to eat good, and rest.
I'm glad I can make you laugh, or at least smile! Its good medicine!!!

Mike,
It was a awesome suprise! I thought about it for awhile, and no matter how hard life gets, if I just do the right things, be true to my self, help when I can, relax when I get up tight, always be thankful for the good things I have in my life, life will work out and if I do positive things I will get positive things back. Positive = Peace!
You are also right thinking about my sister in law. Forget about it, that is really the very best way for me. Dwelling on it does no good, and makes me sad and remember more wrongs. I'm the head not the tail! LOL....
Oh I love your dreams.
What is interesting about the gun one was you took it from him, and look what was in it, "ball bearings!" So to me that says it was not even what you thought it was. And it appeared to be less than what you expected! Could it be that nobody really has power over you? Great dream.
I agree with what you thought about the acupunture needles too. I would think that too.

The moon being larger, I would think, Something very normal( like trees, houses ect...) that is there all the time and you don't pay all that much attenchion to now draws your attenchion to it. Maybe family, your sister, being around people you normaly are not around. Did you have it before your Aunts passing or after? If after that could be it?
Still all in all good dreams to have.
I have not had any in sometime. (That I remember)
I had some worries the other day, about my animals. Before bed I wrote them down, and prayed about my concerns. I felt better as I released my control. I had more peaceful rest as well.
Happy Thanksgiving! It sounds like you had a lovely day. Spending time with friends and eating a good meal! YAY! Ours in next month. I will probably be tapping away on my key board as every year their seams to be family drama. It will be fun this year as I have a whole box of tools to keep me out of too big of trouble! LOL...
Good on your emotions getting stronger! Dwell on the positive. You can't keep your self in a punishment zone, you know too much now. You know how good you feel and what good feels like. Enjoy your life! Your grown now, you can be free to make your own choices free to move forward. You have been doing that. I'm not sure what anger you are supressing but it is your choice to keep it or let it go.
Negative, I'm afraid I may scare people away and ruin friendships.
Positive, I am not going to scare anybody! My friends will be my friends.
( Your so much better at writing Positive / Negatives ) I'm learning!

Good song!

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost. I will find my way, I am moving in the right direction. I am in control of my thoughts and my life. I am the one that creates my anxiety and I can stop it.

Feeling a lil bit better today
nice relaxing day.....got a few things done around the house and spent some time out in the beautiful weather....what a gift this week-end was in NE Ohio, beautiful weather in October
the browns disappointed me, but then again they have for 40 yrs lol....I must say I have learned to have NO expectations with the Cleveland sports teams lol....

Mike


Happy Thanksgiving!!! Glad you were able to enjoy it with some friends

I dont know much about dreams....not sure if they have meaning, are subconscious thoughts, or just an array of past experiences all mixed together that our wonderful brain designs...

do make sure you get that reward in, you definitely deserve it

ohh,, that was my misunderstanding, I didnt realize people didnt know about the abuser or that you didnt see your nieces....wow, you really are strong to have handled that day of the funeral...dont ever doubt yourself Mike, you are a very strong, courageous person...your nieces are really missing out on a wonderful, caring uncle.....I hope one day your sister realizes what a special person you are

btw, I love that song


Hope

thanks for the reipe I will try it


THH


laughter is definitely a major part of my well-being....and Im so glad you make me laugh

Im so glad you were able to enjoy the weather like me