The Challenge...Lesson 4

[Karen L]

Mike

you are doing great at recognizing all your old habits and reacting in new positive ways instead of previous negative ones!!
The great thing is you see it, stop it, change it, and then are able to see the difference in yourself!!
glad you are feeling better

[THH]

SeaRunner, Glad to see you back! YAY!

I too get that with other peoples expectations and turning into pressure. Let it go. I've done that as they talked about in the program. Shoulds, other peoples. Cross it off. Esp. if it is not your should. Some are questionable ones, such as your work and what they are requiring you to do. Time to problem solve now.
You know companys will use you if they can. They maybe be taking advantage off your training, and may intend to use you with it. I don't know that to be true but it could be why they want you to do it. Sense you left that kind of job, cuz you didn't like it, you are probably thinking they are going to corner you with it? Just a thought Where you have to problem solve is decide how you are going to talk to your boss about just that. Maybe ask them why they think it would be worth the expense and time, when it does not work into the job that you are now doing? Just my thoughts.

Good for recognizing you can not be everything to all people! Let that inner voice that's pushing you think that stuff go! Guilt, don't buy the ticket! They will like you and respect you MORE!
Now that I read all the post I see I'm late! But maybe to reinforce what all ready been said.

I loved the healthy / unhealthy post. That is a keeper!

[THH]

Mike,
I too liked the lesson, with the second trip. Its setting ourselves up with NO expectations and to stay in the present moment to enjoy what life sends our way.
It is our attitude that sets our perspective. If we focus on positive things we have a better way of dealing, even if what we are dealing with is not so positive. Its not a realistic thought to think only good things or bad things will always happen to us.
Good job while at McDonalds.

It would be wiser to do it when I have more energy, feel more rested and can really focus on the benefits of facing the limitation instead of feeling bad, dwelling on what I have to do and how bad I feel which would yes still work to face the limitations but I would be resenting myself more than feeling good for facing the limitation.

EXCELLENT!

I don't mind how long we stay on this one, Its a good one!

[THH]

Hi JJ,
So good you realize you can not control how your parents, family, friends health can be.
It is the "Natural" progression of life. Aging and living with imperfections can be hard to except. I am learning to control what I can and be willing to understand so I can accept.
It is freeing!
Keep up the good work!

[THH]

mcshope,
I'm with the gang! Give your self permission to be anxious, you have not had this job, and you dont even know yet if you got it yet. If you give it a try you might really like it, and if you don't like it, you can quit.
What if - your living in the future??? Stay in the moment and do what you always do. Try not to dwell on what might happen. Get the facts first.
Good luck, I hope it turns out the way you want it to!

[THH]

Karen,
I know the ups and downs that you are feeling. I think anyone who has been in a relationship has had to face some of the things you are.
I don't think anyone really cares if you would stay or go.
The real thing is that you are content with either decision. I know in my past and it has been a long time ago, but I do remember how hard it was on myself. The confusion about everything, and the need to resolve felt so urgent.
The confusion for me, was to take time. Sort out what I needed for myself. The trust issue is real and as women we need to feel that as security. It is a feeling, not words.
I knew if I wanted that kind of life with my x I could pretty much have it. I could not make myself feel good with it though. No matter how I tried I could not except him, the feelings I had attached with him. The pain, the sadness, hurt, the mis trust. His words always said the right things, but the actions never matched. I had to go on my feelings, what my inner voice was telling me, the words confused me. I'm glad I listened to myself.
Take time to listen to yourself no matter which way you go. It will lead you the right way. As being life givers we have a strong intuition don't let it scare you, honor it.
Hope something in this helps you!

[NinjaFrodo]

Karen L;

It wouldn't be beneficial to beat yourself up but shoulding on yourself only makes you feel bad for doing what you did.

Maybe it would be a really good idea to be assertive with him and tell him that his behaviors don't work for you. This doesn't make him a bad person but this just isn't working. Wish him the best and let him know when he is willing to do something to help himself then he can try talking to you. This might hurt alot, I've actually done this with someone who really hurt me in July and this kind of response puts the responsibility on him and is a direct message that you aren't willing to put up with that behavior anymore. It is taking care of yourself and helping him as well. If he tries to manipulate you, you just keep repeating yourself until he gets it.

You certainly aren't the only person with baggage in this world and you don't have to be perfect in order to date and you got yourself out of that relationship with your ex and you can do that if you have to with any future boyfriend. So you see the problem with trust. Do some problem solving with that. I think it would be a good goal.

I feel the anger chemical responses alot myself. In some situations where I could prevent feeling angry, I sometimes choose to respond in a way that leads to me getting angry. So I can understand that as well. It doesn't happen often but it comes up.

Your very welcome and thank you for the positive words again. I was glad those situations did happen because I didn't realize how I had changed when it came to reacting to other people. At least with the laughing because that was a huge one for me. I also noticed I handled complaints from people when I treated them with the shiatsu. I'm feeling more confident and I can handle them better but I still have some ways to go.


In response to THH

Nicely put and yeah its funny because the first time going through the program I made myself very confused with the expecations. I tried to have no expectations and then I was like well if I have no expectations then don't I have an expectation about having expectations. Aren't I expecting not to get upset about something I expected to happen or not happen or I expected people not to respond the way I expected them to respond. It drove me crazy as you can tell with the confusing paragraph...did i lose you?

Karen L;

I read what THH said about how she couldn't make herself feel good about her x. I remember Tony Robbins talking about the purpose of any kind of relationship weather it is friendship or whatever. The purpose is to magnify the emotions of the experiences of each other. Which emotions would you like to magnify and which ones have you magnified with your X?


Mike

[SeaRunner]

THH -

Thanks for the welcome back, but I truly never left. I've just been very, very quiet.

I don't think that my company has any hidden agenda. It's a benefit to them to have me get my license just because they can then claim to have one more PE licensed on their staff when bidding on contracts. I now work in a completely different arena and I can't imagine that they have any intention of putting me back into an design engineer role.

As for my supervisor, I believe he just wants me to have the license just because it makes me a more valuable employee. He is just looking out for what he believes are my best interests. I really work with a great group of people and I don't sense any questionable intents.

But I thank you for looking out for me. It's so nice to know that we all care for each other so much and yet none of us has ever met. I guess the worlds not such a bad place after all!

Jamie

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal

Alright we are extending this lesson for 2 more days. We will end on Thursday and start lesson 5 on Friday!

Sunday;

Relaxation
1)Mind guided meditation;
Very brief and quick. It did make me feel more calm and I was focused for most of it.

2)Relaxation cd in the am;
Listened to it and I had psyched myself up for it by focusing on how it would make me more calm, how my body would feel more relaxed, also how it would make me more recovered as well as how I would improve my skills with calming myself down during anxiety and improve on my visualization skills. I focused mostly on the words being said but there were still some wandering thoughts.

3)Relaxation cd while walking;
Was starting to feel exhausted and stressed so I used the relaxation cd while walking. It slightly helped but not a whole lot. I guess it'll take awhile to get used to it while in motion instead of lying down on a bed or the floor or something.


Thought stopping
I spent most of the day, especially the morning stopping negative thoughts. It felt pretty good as I wasn't feeling as rushed to get out and do things. I was taking my time and enjoying myself. I also had told myself that I enjoy taking my time because I enjoy being calm and being in the moment. That also helped with the rushing. It started to feel like a game and I imagined my thoughts as if they were videogame monsters like those little goombas that mario jumps on, or zombies that I would shoot in the head with a gun in resident evil. I actually started to feel bad for the goombas because of the pain they must have suffered but then I reminded myself that they aren't actually real and have no feelings! Kinda funny if you ask me. I kept doing this throughout the day and I think I had pushed myself to go to the gym when I really didn't want to and I just gave up by then. I want to keep consistency with the gym as I want to get good results. I haven't been consistent very much. I also wanted to treat it similar to a job in order to get me ready. I can't just not go to a job if I am employed there. It was still a good learning experience because I kept trying to focus on how I would look with big muscles after working out for awhile. That helped but by the time I was already really tired. Perhaps doing it earlier in the day would have been better.

Other
I'm still reminding myself to slow down when I feel rushed or anxious and that seems to help me. I have misplaced that blue stone but I'm ok with that.

I also had a goal of going to the sauna everytime I went to the gym. I didn't have enough time today because of the gym hours and so I didn't get to do that but I told myself that stuff happens and thats alright. It's not the end of the world and I can do it next time.

I did some reading again and well it didn't make me feel good to do it. I was getting really spacy and such. I also wasn't feeling well rested today and so maybe it wasn't such a good day to do that.

I decided that I wanted to try making bread for the 2nd time in my life. I got excited about the idea and I purchased all the ingredients I needed to make a whole wheat mixed fruit and nut bread. However I didn't time things right with going to the gym and such so I didn't end up making it but I'll make it tomorrow and I'm sure it'll taste really awesome.

I'm still struggling with this exhaustion thing but nowhere near how I was before. I'm retraining my body to have a BM everyday using senna the night before and it seems to be helping. I still feel worried about falling back into that continual exhaustion similar to how I was last week but it isn't as scary as it was.

I'm still going strong and I'm working with the symptoms instead of against them. I still get concerned but I don't spend as much time in that.

I have a good idea that I want to post but I'm just too exhausted today so I'll post it tomorrow.

Oh and I had added to the if I'm going to faint then faint. I told myself if i'm going to faint or colapse it'll be alright because as I'm falling down (in slow motion by the way), people with pillows are just going to magically appear and catch my fall.

Negative thoughts
1)I won't be able to handle every negative thought, they'll just keep coming
->I don't need to be able to stop all negative thoughts in order for this to work. The more I practice, the better I will get at it. I can use problem solving when it comes to the obsessive ones.

2)If I stop all my negative thoughts then I'll have to do things when I'm really overwhelmed and cannot handle it
->Stopping thoughts doesn't make me stupid and ignorant of my needs and limitations. I'm in full control here and I can trust myself to take action when I'm feeling well enough.

3)I need to rush, I have too many things to do.
->Rushing is what tires me out and makes me less productive, effective and I don't enjoy what i'm doing. No, I am going to take my time because I like the calming effect it has on me, I know I will enjoy what I'm doing, feel free to do whatever I want, get more done, be more effective, recover faster, feel more positive and have alot more energy throughout the day.


4)I'm starting to get dizzy again. I can't handle it.
->Its just a symptom of anxiety. It will pass and it isn't going to cause anything horrific to happen. I'm going to keep my calm and go about my day and I'll be fine.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

When the lesson on obsessive scary thoughts comes up. We are going to have sooo much fun! Its going to be so funny.

I'm also curious as to how you guys are interpreting lesson 4. What are you learning from it? What are your experiences with the action assignments?


Mike