I really don't know what to do...

marybsunshine · Post by **marybsunshine** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 7:55 am

I have been in a relationship for over 8 months now to a guy that makes me laugh, makes me smile, we enjoy the same things, he treats me will all sorts of respect, and is just a guy that makes me happy... some of the time. I have been dealing with anxiety off and on since I graduated college. It just seems like it has really hit hard this time. I've seem to have these anxiety episodes when I am in a relationship or when I am trying to make a career change or just deciding on what to do with myself. I worry constantly about my future, the very close people in my life. One minute I can be happy and then next minute I think to myself... what I am doing, do I even want this relationship, he's such a great guy and is so good to me, and he does make me smile, and we do really enjoy each other. I've talked with him about the feelings and I try to tell myself that it's just my mind and not how I feel about him. I worry about worrying. I worry if what I'm feeling is true and I really do feel the negative ways because I am not happy. I see a pyschologist and she says that my anxiety is all because I look for perfectism 100%, all the time, in every setting and every situation. I over analyze and have unrealistic expectations. Please help me someone. Please someone tell me that I'm ok and that I really do care about this person, I don't want to lose him but then 30 seconds later, I try to blame him for me feeling this way. Please help!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 10:14 am

I think your psychologist has a good point. We tend to do that (we being anxious panicky people) get perfectionistic and can get in this pattern of not letting ourselves be happy or accept good things. Unless they can be PERFECT 100% percent of the time. Man oh man I cannot live that way and if someone wanted me to be perfect all the time I would wilt and withdraw from people ya know? Good for you for talking with someone. I hope you are journaling and keeping up the talks with your sweetheart. Take care and hang in there.
Ji;;~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:33 am

Hiya Maryb

Its been a long time since I posted on here so you get to be the lucky one to get my comeback posting. I have to tell you that talking to the wonderful guy of yours is a GREAT thing!! Now he knows what you are going thru and will do what he can to help you get thru it. I really think that the way you are doing this is great and will help you in the long run.......(I hate long runs I get tired very easy!) Keep up the great work and you will walk right thru this with your hand in his.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 14, 2010 2:19 am

I greatly appreciate your help and understanding with both comments. He has actually went out of town on a business trip and the first day he was gone, I was missing him a ton and then yesterday I started the obsessive thinking again and then today I am worried because I think that I should have these great butterflies once he comes home from his trip. I should be so excited and can't stand myself and instead I have anxiety and I'm worried about him coming home and if I'm really really excited! Is there a problem with that? I just want the scary thoughts to leave and I just want to keep him with me because he is really great. Before he left for his trip all I could think about is how I may be in love with him but then he leaves and I wonder if I care at all... and I tell you, that's so crappy and really sucks for me to have feelings and emotions flying around.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 14, 2010 9:54 pm

This rings so true to me. I love my beautiful boyfriend - he's sweet and kind and when we're together I feel happy. I love to hug him and kiss him, and I truly care about him.

But I am plagued with fear and anxiety - one second I can love him completely and the next I'm filled with dread and doubt. I get pains in my chest and I can feel my heart beating really hard.

But my anxiety isn't jsut attached to that, sometimes I just feel wrong, like something I'm doing isn't quite right.

I'm terrified that the negative feelings I have are true, because we're so good together and I love being with him. But I dont' want to feel so unsure all the time - I feel guilty because I shouldn't be unsure and my boyfriend deserves better than that.

Then I get overwhelmed by my anxiety, dread that I just feel close to tears all day and I can't focus on much else.

I'm going to see my doctor in a few days, so hopefully she'll be able to help me.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:37 am

Gracious... how did your appointment go at the doctor? I see a physcologist and she says that everything I think isn't true. That my mind has a way to control itself. That I allow my mind to think the way it does and the things that it does. Just because it is a thought doesn't mean I should give it power. Therefore, that has helped me a lot. It has actually helped me realize alot of things. She's been a great help. I have my days where I wonder what will happen with my boyfriend and I but he truely is an wonderful person and so gtreat to me. I would hate to have to look somewhere else for something great like him.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 02, 2010 10:19 am

Hi Maryb..

My doctor suggested I see a psychologist, which I did. The psychologist was great and reminded me that there is a massive gap between thought and action, and it sounded like I was letting obsessive negative thoughts rule me. So we'll be working on not letting those obsessive thoughts get to me.

I've been ok since I talked to her - I've only had a few short little 'episodes' where I've had negative thoughts and felt really anxious. But then part of me is saying that I'm just not willing to accept the truth - that I don't love my boyfriend anymore, and now that just makes me really sad.

So it's definitely a work in progress, and I'm going to try to hang in there as best I can.

How are you doing?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:14 am

Maybe this will help you... I just recieved this from another person and this is what she has to say...

Hey there!

Just saw your post about you and your boyfriend and I wanted to let you know that I've been there and done that! And oh, it is a very difficult thing to go through, but I can tell you that those scary feelings will pass. This affected me probably for the first year or so. They were just scary thoughts trying to mess with my happiness. I think at times we're so afraid of losing that person in our life that we fill ourselves with many scary thoughts affirming that this person isn't the one or isn't right for us. But they are only thoughts! They're 100% false. And that I know for sure, just reading your post, I can tell how much you really love your boyfriend and how much you enjoy his company.

I also think your therapist is right about the perfectionism. I had very high expectations as well and was almost looking for something to be wrong as a way of protecting myself. But in the end, it just hurt me more than anything. I also realized that we can't avoid being hurt, that is out of our control.

Know that you'll be okay, this will pass in time. Just as lucinda says, the less we focus on the obsessive thoughts and the more we "float" with them, the quicker they go away. I found this to be true for myself. And now, even if I have a day where I'm not over the moon happy, that's okay and completely normal in a healthy relationship and I know in a very short period of time I'll be all giddy over him again. This is very, very normal. You're going to be fine!

Gracious- I have been doing alot better it seems. My anxiety hasn't bothered me, my mind seems to float day to day, and things seem more calm. I am not sure if it that I have been so busy that I haven't had time to think or what but I do know that I feel better and that's what I'm after!! I'm here if you'd like to talk!