Stress Center Peer Support

I got this program a long time ago...probably about 15 years ago. Went through it once or twice but never really completed the workbook just kinda browsed through it.

I'd say that I pretty much half-assed the program and certain events stemming from my mothers horrific death of brain cancer 3 years ago and just recently my grandmother passing last sunday.

I am having all of the typical anxiety and depression symptoms all over again x 10. The most prevalent of symptoms for me is the fuzzy fog-brained feeling of unreality plus obsession of body symptoms. I have been to doctors and they tell me I am a healthy male but I still obsess about having a heart attack.

I have to be the best man at a wedding this weekend not to mention getting up to give a speech which is causing me crazy panicky feelings.

So I would say that this is probably the 3rd time I am trying to go through this program and I honestly think that if I do not dedicat myself this time around I will end up in a mental hospital...<well probably not but I certainly think that way a lot lately.

Ever since my mother got sick (her illness was very long and drawn out over 2+ years) I have been having panic attacks in my sleep...so, since her death 3 years ago and the 2 years of struggling with her cancer sickness that makes 5 years of panic attacks in my sleep. Which by the way wake me up several times per night like a bolt of lighting hit my body. I am always exhausted.

I could go on and on...just venting.

I am looking forward to doing the homework this time around. I can understand the ramped-up anxiety lately because the program is forcing me to look at myself and try to understand myself.

Reading through this forum I can identify with most of you.

first off, welcome back logitech, im angela, and this is ur 3rd time back, hopefully it will be ur last to seek help. dont get me wrong, this is an amazing website, but ur next login should be to celebrate ur recovery.
however,
what u mentioned i dont blame u for feeling overwelhmed with anxiety, sounds like ur dealing with post tramatic stress... thats a big deal to deal with. and dealing with anxiety, which brings on even more symptoms..i too obsess with my physical/emotional health.. "the big what ifs".. every little thing thats out of the ordinary in my body, my anxiety triggers. perfect example today.. my boyfriend took me out to lunch, were having a goodtime, and he made a joke which i started laughing like crazy,, to the point i was gasping for air, cause i started choking cause i coudlnt catch my breath,, suddently the more i was trying to catch my breath, my anxiety triggered, thinking in my head "what if i cant catch my breathe, i have an asthma attack (dont have asthma)or i think i have walking pneumonia(i know thats one of the symptoms), or what if i cant breathe, and oxygen stops going to my brain, and i pass out in this restaurant, or i lose control and freak out in front of everyone."
ya, that was my day at lunch..
normally i would of flee the situation, told my boyfriend i dont feel good lets go, and i would cry in the car. but NOW, i learning to stop, stay, react, deal with the emotions, and let it go.. just know, the anxiety does go away, with the right techniques. which u already know that.
my question to u is?
why do u think u keep not finishing the program?
also,
when u wake up from a panic, and once u calm down, write it down in ur jounral. write down everything
and when ur feeling to ur old self, re-read what u wrote and try a see if theres a pattern. and try writing down, good positive things. so when u do wake from a panic, read positive things about yourself, or favorite person place of thing...

neg into pos..
good luck friend
angela