Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:44 pm
I bought this program probably 5 or 6 years ago. I found it useful initially, but due to my schedule, I abandoned it and went back to my old ways. Several times since, i have tried to start up again, unsuccessfully. But this time I really want to stick with it. I think having this on-line forum will be a big help because now I can communicate with others better.
So here's my story and how it relates to lesson 1.
I have suffered from crippling depression for my whole life. From my earliest waking memories, I have always known there was something different about me than the others. I have never been physically abused, although often I wish I had been because it would give me something to explain why I am the way I am. Almost like I need something to validate why I am as messed up inside as I am. Sometimes I fantasize that I was an orphan, or that I had been abused as a child, or that I had some horrific tragedy growing up. Anything that I could point to and say "that's why I am how I am."
If you looked at my life as a resume, you would think I have had a wonderful life. School always came easy to me. I spent four years as a military officer after college. After that I went to medical school and residency, and now I am a board certified emergency medicine physician going through a fellowship for even further specialization.
But when I look back at every single stage of my life, the overwhelming emotions I remember are intense loneliness and depression, inability to maintain friendships, constant humiliations, and the feeling of running away and starting fresh with the next stage of my life.
I want it to end. I desperately just want to go to bed some night and wake up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise, and never ever feel this way again. I just want to find a lasting happiness in this life.
So here's my story and how it relates to lesson 1.
I have suffered from crippling depression for my whole life. From my earliest waking memories, I have always known there was something different about me than the others. I have never been physically abused, although often I wish I had been because it would give me something to explain why I am the way I am. Almost like I need something to validate why I am as messed up inside as I am. Sometimes I fantasize that I was an orphan, or that I had been abused as a child, or that I had some horrific tragedy growing up. Anything that I could point to and say "that's why I am how I am."
If you looked at my life as a resume, you would think I have had a wonderful life. School always came easy to me. I spent four years as a military officer after college. After that I went to medical school and residency, and now I am a board certified emergency medicine physician going through a fellowship for even further specialization.
But when I look back at every single stage of my life, the overwhelming emotions I remember are intense loneliness and depression, inability to maintain friendships, constant humiliations, and the feeling of running away and starting fresh with the next stage of my life.
I want it to end. I desperately just want to go to bed some night and wake up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise, and never ever feel this way again. I just want to find a lasting happiness in this life.