The guilt, the shame, the anxiety; starting over for me

You will gain an understanding of the causes of anxiety and depression as well as some of the background traits, personality traits, and physical symptoms.
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tygerkyon
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:57 pm

The guilt, the shame, the anxiety; starting over for me

Post by tygerkyon » Sat Mar 29, 2014 3:58 pm

Day 1
March 28, 2014

Hello there! My name is Tyler! I am 24 years old! Native American from AZ. I am a proud gay young adult. Today I am starting my new regime of meditation along with my “Fighting Anxiety & Depression” program. I recently went through real lows in terms of self esteem, guilt, negativity and anxiety. I have always had anxiety since I was about 22. My mother bought me the Stress Program Center for Anxiety and Depression. I have also been battling grief and PTSD due to the tragic passing and witnessing of my brother. I have been medicating with alcohol and anti anxiety drugs and frankly I am getting sick of both. Alcohol causes me to act in the most horrible of ways and often leads to blackouts. I feel the instant benefit of alcohol because it kills my anxiety quickly only to cause more anxiety the next couple days after. Alcohol also compromises my sleep cycle and makes me act in a immature manner. I felt guilty these past couple days because of alcohol. I broke my window, I lost my brothers iPod, I lost my self respect because I was doing so good. The feeling of guilt and remorse is so bad after I go on a binder.
I am tired of hurting, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I know my brother would not want me to feel this way or take the road that I am currently on. I want to work so hard on developing my new habits and staying with the Anxiety program. I also want to taper myself off the clonazepam, trazadone, hydroxyine pamoate, and benadryl. I want to one day find solace and peace in my bed room, rather than be constantly afraid of my irrational fears. I also want to show more compassion for myself and for others, that it is okay to be human and that I need to be perfect. A good friend who also suffers with anxiety told me that journaling would help me in my endeavor to become a more well rounded, trustful person rather than an immature, self destructive kid. I believe I am taking my life for granted and treating those that love me with a negative attitude. I want to feel whole again, I want to wake up treating each day with passion and zest for living, rather than being afraid of every single thing. I want my younger brother to look up to the brother I once was, and I want my parents to trust me more. I admit that the thought of facing my anxiety and depression scares me so much, but I must have courage to fight for my life because I believe that is where I am right now, in the fight between good and evil.
So, I am going to journal each day and do my best to build some healthy, new habits. I look forward to living each day as the fullest, and smiling, and being content without the use of alcohol or anxiety medications. I know that each day will be a battle, and there will be days where I will not want to complete some lessons, so that is why I am going to need your help and support. I will also be training for a half marathon, I find that when I workout, I feel so much better. I just need to stay away from friends that drink, from negative people, and I need to forgive myself. I also need to face a problem as an opportunity as opposed to thinking of failure. So I will keep each session updated with my progress. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. God Bless.

P.S. Im thinking about also signing up for therapy sessions and AA meetings. So wish me luck :D

randy c.
Posts: 187
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:27 pm

Re: The guilt, the shame, the anxiety; starting over for me

Post by randy c. » Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:13 pm

Best of luck with the program.it sounds like your on the right track. :)

lockdo

Re: The guilt, the shame, the anxiety; starting over for me

Post by lockdo » Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:33 pm

You will find solace and a peace of mind!!! :roll:

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