Shame and punishment

You will gain an understanding of the causes of anxiety and depression as well as some of the background traits, personality traits, and physical symptoms.
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patrick155
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:53 pm

Shame and punishment

Post by patrick155 » Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:42 pm

Hi, folks. I am starting the Attacking Anxiety program this week after starting but not finishing it about ten years ago. Although I've continued to have anxiety and depression, it's gotten worse since the beginning of the year for two basic reasons. First, I have developed tinnitus (commonly called, "ringing in the ears") for no reason that anyone can figure out. Although my condition is relatively mild, it can be extremely annoying when it flares up, and thus can lead to lots of anxiety. I've been to doctors, but so far they really haven't been able to offer much except just learn to cope with it. Second, there's a lot of stress at work. I'm co-owner of a bookstore, and we have decided to either sell it or shut it down.

While trying to think this week about the causes of my anxiety, I've come to realize that I am deeply ashamed of having this condition. Not just embarrassed, but ashamed. I'm guessing a major part of this is that I'm male, and I've internalized the viewpoint that men should be able to control their feelings -- especially fear and anxiety -- and not to do so means you're weak. Also, I've come to realize that for some reason there is a part of me that is constantly giving me messages that I should be punished if I am in any way less than perfect. Part of this is probably related to the shame thing, but not all of it. I honestly don't know where this comes from -- my parents weren't particularly judgmental, nor do I come from a particularly strict religious background. I guess I've just taken it to heart every time I've been criticized, and ignored it every time I've been praised.

I realize as I write this that these attitudes are not reasonable and are making my anxiety and depression worse. However, they still very much have me in their emotional grip. Obviously this is something I will have to work on as I go through the program.

Thanks for reading this, and best wishes to all of you on your journeys.

Patrick

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Shame and punishment

Post by coachchris » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:59 am

Hi Patrick,

I Love your attitude and commitment to growth. You are going through a lot of change and allowing the change to teach you and make you stronger. I would pay close attention to lesson 4 and make sure you are exercising, drinking enough water as well as minimizing caffeine/sugars.

Celebrate your strengths and be patient as you learn to shift out of negative/lies into positive/truths.
We are here to help.
Coach Chris StressCenter.com

patrick155
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:53 pm

Re: Shame and punishment

Post by patrick155 » Mon Aug 12, 2013 3:14 pm

Thanks, Chris!

Patrick

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