a thought thats getting to me

[tjzaxxer]

my thoughts were normal (whatever normal was for me) until my ex nd i got back to good terms. i think about light and darkness most of my days and wondering if there ever is or was a "perfect force" or what most people would call a combination of light and darkness. i know the light has a purpose and so does the darkness, but i feel that somehow im a combination of the two; without a purpose though. if i really was a combination of the two, then wouldnt i have a purpose? i have been through a hell of a life. i have most of my life felt like a worthless piece of trash; waiting to be taken away. people treat me like im nothing, a nobody; which especially makes me feel without a purpose. i have been talking to my counsoler about this and he isnt much help. i have been iscolating myself from everybody because of my previous and still continuing history of getting bullied; hoping that the pain will stop on its own and i wont have to see anybody anymore. i need as much support, guidence, advice, friends that i can actually rely on to help me and anything that people think can help me (anything that isnt illegal that is because i dont do any of that crap) please respond in the best way that you can. just for info, im a 16 year old who doesnt have the program, cant afford it, doesnt have a job and has a rough time getting support these days. if you wish to contact me, email me at any of these: timothygrabowski@aol.com (preferably not this one), tjzaxxer@gmail.com, or tjzaxxer@yahoo.com.

thank you

[Nugget28]

Dear Tjzaxxer,

Everybody has a purpose, so do you.I don't believe you are darkness and light, I believe you are pure light going through a dark experience. It seems to me like you have a hard life. I'm sorry you are going through this. You said that you have felt like a worthless peace of trash and that people treat you like your nothing. Deep down you know that it isn't the truth. You are perfect, just the way you are. I know it is hard to look at the positive things when going through something so painfull. What if this is a opportunity for you? Ask your self: what is this situation here to teach me? What good could possibly come from the bullying? I know this is hard.
In the mids of all that bullying and people putting you down, could it be that to get to your purpose you have to go through this experience? You have to love yourself no matter what everybody is saying, you will become stronger,you will believe in yourself more, this will make you more compassionate. Remember that what people say about you don't define you. You matter because you are here. Don't let them break you down, you will get through this.

[tjzaxxer]

please, just call me tim. people all around me, at school, home, anywhere possible always bully me to no end. i have been bullied since kindergarden and i still havent found a resolve from it. i have felt pain in almost every way possible from physical, emotional, many other ways for most of my life that i feel like there is NO resolve to the bullying and there NEVER wil be one at all. my parents now are no help. the good side about this week though is that its my last week of the regular school year. a down side is that i have summer school. i have so many things that i need to talk about to get them off my mind, but i dont have enough time to type so i have to go for now. please respond. from a 16 year old in Hometown IL.

[gro2gr8nes]

Hi tjzaxxer
You are a uniquely special human being! You are worth more than you know and your purpose in the world is bigger than you and I could ever imagine. You are definitely the light! All of us have a light but when we are faced with challenges it may become dim as we wave the challenges off and the wind flickers the light but at the end the light shines brighter than ever. "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone." Laugh and tell yourself you will overcome this. You are not alone even though you may feel like you are. Even though when you cry no one you can visibly see cries with you (because others may not empathize), you are not alone.There is a force greater than any one person carrying you every step of the way. Shine your light so all could see you and smile when you do because remember the light brings sight to the darkness. Keep your head up and remember you are the master of your own fate.

[tjzaxxer]

my heart had reached out to my ex again and she got pissed at me because she thought i was looking at her friend in a creepy way. i want these feelings of her to end for good. Emily is my only friend outside of my regular ring of friends and she is what i hope to be my only hope in conquering my Darkness. my Darkness is starting to be the only thing that emmits from my heart and soul right now except for when im talking to Emily. my light has faded into the Darkness without any sight of it coming out. my life used to be filled with such joy; where'd it all go?? i never feel joy in anything anymore, not even the "beast" inside of me is trying to come out; probably because i dont have any reason not to let it out. although i have been feeling like i have a fire burning inside me as if it were from an "ancient dragon", i want it to emmit more of its fire and Light!!! i need ideas on how to do this... thanks from a 16 year old in Hometown IL.