Just a newbie here

[LeliaP1965]

Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Lelia, I am from upstate New York. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for about 30 years or so. I have been on some medications, not a whole lot I wouldnt say but have been suicidal most of my life which seems really odd that I am still around but this past year it has been really bad. Last year my 10 year old was in a bad car accident with a friend of mine, this happened in September, and then in October a police officer and myself found my boss deceased in her house. I work for a tax office and the bosses son took over and asked me to be office leader, this is stress I was not prepared to deal with and just after Thanksgiving I tried to teach a tax class and was stuttering all the way thru it and I knew that is when I needed to get some help. So I spent 10 quality days in a nearby psych center (that was an experience). Once I was out of there I went to the local mental health office and they gave me all kinds of drugs which put me in loopy land. I got tired of that routine and decided I wasnt going down that road so I havent taken anything in about three weeks. Three Sundays ago a friend called me at 7 in the morning on a Sunday, my one and only day to sleep until 8 before I get up to go to church and was all excited and had me write the number down for StressCenter and told me I had to call then so I did and now I have started the program. The first time listening to lesson one I thought, dont know why I think this will work, it's not like anything has until now, but I have listed to it three times today, once was today while I was at work and listened to it in beween clients and have read my chapter, done a little of the homework and have bought a spiral notebook to journal with. Have been mentally tracking negative thoughts, my can I be a not so pleasant person to deal with. I think I am going to need to get a bigger notebook:) Anyway, I hope this works because ths suicidal thoughts have been a lot more frequent, the crying has been a lot more frequent, my kids are concerned that mom is sad and my life is in chaos. The clinic says I have Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and Severe Depression but after listening to the cd's and observing myself the anxiety is there but not to the point where I have problems with getting on planes and such, but I have zero self esteem and no assertiveness and cannot make decisions... Anyway, thats me, hope to obtain good friends and good support here in this forum. God's speed with the recoveries here.
Lelia

[TheTimeIsNow]

Welcome Lelia!!!!! So glad you're here helping yourself. I know exactly what you mean about the scary thoughts in the notebook. We'll have to buy stock All I can say is take the 15 weeks and try to do everything the program says. It really works and really gets you to know yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you miss something. You can always go back. You have lots of support here. It's going to take effort and sometimes lots of patience, but it will be worth it. I'm sending you a great big bear hug over the internet. I hope you felt it!!! Good luck!!

[Iwillbebetter]

Lelia,
you are so not alone!! I have also had suicidal thoughts for MANY years. As long as I can remember. I only tried once, at 7 or 8 years old. Have kept myself around because I don't want others to feel responsible. Then at 20 I had my first child and had more reason that I had to stay.

All my life I thought I just suffered mild depression, but who didn't? I am learning I have more of the generalized anxiety. My anxieties don't hold me back, I hate driving (use to always envision myself driving off a bridge, or into a wall etc...) but have always done it. Although I don't like leaving the house, I do when needed. etc.... I felt more like I beleive you do, I also had no self-esteem, I could not make decisions, nor did I have an assertive bone in my body. I can not say I am at 100%, but I can say I am not the same person I was even before the program!!

Keep at it, take as much time you need in each session, even if you don't think it applies to you, go threw each session. You can do it!!

[Seedomango]

I am also new here I never realized that I suffered from anxiety and that it leads to depression.
I am on my second day and I hope that I can make my life better. My name is Keith I also live in upstate NY
I wish the best to you and hope you have much success.
Keith

[Lexi*J]

Hey,

I am kind of a newbie too! I have had the program for about two years. I have never actually finished the program. The first time I tried it, i did it for three weeks, I really liked it and definitely felt like I was not alone. That someone understood me. But of course after I got through my anxiety and depression episodes, I thought I was fine and didn't need it. Same for the second time only I got up to week 6. This is my third time going back to it and I am seriously going to finish it out this time. Everything that I have heard on the cds and have read on here are sooo relatable. I feel like I am not alone.

You will be better if you continue with this program and I think you are amazing for taking the time for yourself to do this!

[Seedomango]

Thank you for your kind words. I am finding the first week particularly difficult. I am quite anxious to get into next week.
I also have weened off caffeine and that is a little stressful as well.
I will not give up. Thanks for listening

KP

[bjmarr98]

I am also a newbie. I actually bought the program in 2007 and did nothing with it. Needless to say my anxiety is much much worse now. Within the last three years my anxiety has come in the form of me forcing myself to breath... constently. UMMM ya that sucks... SO I am also in upstatish New York... I am willing to do this with anyone who wants to. I so want to get over this. Lets kick some anxiety and depression butt.
Bobbi Jo

[Seedomango]

I just started week five. it is not easy. I have had a bad day today. I am feeling very anxious. I have stopped caffeine after 1 month for almost 3 weeks. I am exercising regularly and eating well. I am trying to remember to breathe and relax and accept this is ok. THis is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

[bjmarr98]

Keith
Good job with the caffeine... Sorry that you are having a bad day. It will get better. The relaxation cd helps me out alot, kinda hard to do when your out, but I know it will get better as long as we continue on and press forward. I am here if you want to chat anytime... I have started with week 1 listened to the cd a couple a times already. I am trying to look forward to being one of those that have changed their behavior. We can do this wahooooo

[Seedomango]

Thanks for the response. As I said I am starting week 5 and I have found that I went back to week 4 and started journaling .
I wrote about 6 pages and hat has relieved some tension I was having. I guess this is like anything else one day at a time. I am still having trouble with the what if. I guess keep moving forward is the name of the game. It is good to see that we are not alone. Keep up the good work and remember it is ok to have ups and downs.

Keith