wow. not that im happy to hear what u r goin through, but im sooo happy that im not alone!! and yes it did feel a lil better 2 get it out, but at the same time i thought i might have scared u away.. like omg this chick is crazier n more depressed n she'll bring me down, let me get away.. lol. thats what i mostly thought!!!
yea i do notice i do think about the negative alot. i took that test on here, i didnt finish readin all the results, but it was sayin how negative i think, and even when something is goin good, im so negative, that i just think about it not lastin, n not the time that im havin.. ya know in the moment. i do get kinda crazy drivin 2. like i think whoever is in the car with me, is thinkin in their head... what r u doin, idk.... that they r just thinkin or more like judgin what im doin, n it makes me loose concentration on what i m doin, then i get panicy... even when im alone 2... i get a lil frightened.. alot of the time, i dont feel like a real person.. its crazy!! sux 2!! especially when soo many ppl around u, like family, my gf, friends... like they really have no clue!!! lol. i was watchin the kardashians earlier, n when i was younger i used 2 always say the word like. like like... lolzzz. n since i watched it n they do, i feel like i been sayin it... neways... just wanted 2 get that out... yea the thinking about what ppl think around me really sux 2! especially ppl around me.. even though i know i will never c them again.. i just dnt have my confidence nemore, n im sure its cuz i gained alot of my weight back... idk if its cuz... well when i was younger i was molested from 6yrs old -14. then somethin happened when i was 20, then with some1 that i thought was a close friend 2 me n my gf, tried somethin when i was 23.. oh. btw. im 25.. how bout u? so some ppl have said i mayb made myself like this, ya know gained weight, as like a security so that im not hit on. but now i just feel so yuck about myself. then that hopeless n worthless feelin. n not interested in the things that i used 2 b interested in... its weird. n i cant stand how it takes over sometimes... well alot of the time.. i also talk 2 this family friend, shes a hypnotherapist, she had mentioned alot of good things about the sam-e pills. n she knows the herbal supplements i have been takin, i also c a psychologist, like once every couple months, n he gave me anti depresants, n anxiety meds. i didnt wanna take it 4 a while, cuz between my doc, n the psychologist, every month i saw them n i would say i feel the same or worse, they would give me a dif anti depresant. n it was like what the heck... but a few ppl have been tellin me that the anti depressant that i didnt wanna start has been pretty good.. so finally, long story short... lol. i started takin them a couple days ago, n idk. 2day i felt a lil better. not sure if it was cuz i kept myself busy, or what. but it was nice 4 a while! usually im really quiet, n have a bunch of racin thoughts.... thinkin all this nonsense... but not that much 2day... it was good.. i hope it lasts... how bout u? how have u been?? oh, n i started listening 2 session 2, i havent finished it cuz my batteries went dead. hopefully i rem 2 get sum 2nite.. but i really happy n excited that i have some1 2 go through this with... n hopefully we can both get our lives back!! that would be SWEET!!! i havent been writin 2 much, i no i should i have been told i should, but idk, sometimes i feel wierd about writing.... like im a weirdo!!!!!! lol..