SEXUALLY ABUSED

[isabel001]

hi everyone....

i made a realization just today, I'm ready to share my story to everyone of you.... to inspire women/men out there who were sexually abused as a child or as an adult...

i was molested when i was 8 years old, and at first i didn't know what was happening... for some reasons, i wasn't able to scream, i wasn't able to shout for help and i was so FRAGILE...

it continued when i was growing up... still I couldn't scream, I couldn't shout for help... i was so FRAGILE...

then I didn't know what to do, I didn't know who could help me because I belong to a dysfunctional family, i might just as well keep it MY DARK SECRET

I grew up to be very smart, i was an A+ student almost all through out my school years but deep inside me "SOMETHING WAS WRONG"

my heart was full of hatred, self blame, agony, despair and insecurities...

I couldn't share it to everyone because I was so fragile and I didn't know how to start....

I suppressed ALL THE SEXUAL MOLESTATION MEMORIES. I killed all the memories of my childhood... I grew up thinking I was a CURSED...

I thought I succesfully KILLED these NIGHTMARES OF MY LIFE but I was wrong...

IT HUNTED ME FOR ALL THE YEARS OF MY LIFE. I GOT FIXATED. I DIDN'T GROW. I WAS STUCK. MY HEART WAS DYING. I FELT ALONE.

now, I'm one of those people who is suffering from POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

I HAVE DEPRESSION. I HAVE ANXIETY.......

IT'S 7:45 PM RIGHT NOW, and im offering this story of my life to all the STRONG SURVIVORS of SEXUAL ABUSE in this whole wide world....

i know it's not easy... IT'S PAINFUL and i describe it as a DYING HEART

BUT

my merely SURVIVING this trauma means WE ARE BLESSED. GOD MADE A MIRACLE IN OUR LIVES THAT NO ONE COULD TAKE AWAY FROM OUR LIFE.

TO ALL SURVIVORS OUT THERE, SPEAK UP! SHARE YOUR STORY! DON'T HIDE IN THE CLOSET OF SHAME AND HYPOCRACY!

WE ARE BLESSED, WE ARE STRONG, WE ARE FIGHTERS, WE DON'T GIVE UP!

i feel a lot better now that i have written this MESSAGE. share your story and after typing your LIFE EXPERIENCES... EXPERIENCE HOW IT FEELS TO BE FREE.

[qutycute]

since u told ur story, n it made u feel better.... i thought mayb if i tell my story it could help me 2....im 25 yrs old now, and i thought my past was behind me..... up until about 2 yrs ago, all of my past has been effectin me... from recent past 2 far away past....
i was molested from age 6 yrs old till 14yrs old.... it almost started younger... this guy tommy, he was in his twenties and i was in kindergarden, doin my hw in this sep room, and i had my doll next 2 me, n he asked 2 c my private..... and i showed him my dolls private part... but that wasnt good enough.... he wanted 2 c mine.... i dont rem how i got outta that room.. but i did... then there was this other guy jeff, another 1 of my moms friends.... i had this bed that had wood all around it, so it was like a box, with 1 slidin wooden door at the bottom of the bed... everything was all closed off, and jeff used 2 sleep over often, n slept in my bed... well 1 nite he took off my underwear, and i ran 2 my mom, and told her he took them off, n he lied n said no, and she believed him over me... I WAS 6!!! then he started 2 tell me i bet not ever tell nebody again... or else.... so i never did... even though alot of my moms other friends knew what was goin on, it happened with jeff til i was about 9 yrs old.... he would be soo nasty 2, i would b left with his mess all over me.... then there was another guy frankee, he started molesting me from 7-8 yrs old, til 14 yrs old... he would get me drunk sometimes, he was sooo gross, he would go 2 eat me out, n kinda till this day when some1 goes down on me it feels gross... then tommy when i was about 10 yrs old... he tried again, i was in the bathroom, n he came in n asked me if i wanted ice cream, n started jerkin off.... i got 2 get out of there..... so as i got a lil older in my teenage yrs, i just not exactly 4got about it, but it was never in my mind nemore... just hangin out with my friends gettin high.... then i moved 2 vegas, n didnt find all the greatest ppl... every1 i hung out with would always try 2 get with me, n i was in2 women, but i would jus want 2 hang out wit men as friends, but they always wanted 2 get with me.... then i met this grl when i was 20... n i really liked her, but 1 nite when i fell asleep on her couch, there was sum guy that liked me, but i was in2 her, so i didnt pay him ne mind... well when i was asleep, i woke up 2 some1 jabbin their hands in me... i thought it was her, but then i look n shes sittin outside, n that dude was doin that 2 me... i woke up in such a crazy state of mind, like u violated me, n it just brought back somethin from the past! it was creepy!!! i felt tramatized... then this other time i was 23 n this guy that was a close friend 2 me n my gf... he lived next door, n he knew we were a couple, n not that type of couple that cheats... well 1 day he came over n my gf amy went 2 work... n he kept gettin undressed in front of me, n b4 that me n amy were dressin him up like a grl, n i was playin sayin wow look at that ass... lookin good.... but just playin jokin around... well when amy finally went 2 work, n he kept gettin undressed right in front of me, but i kept turnin my head.... like whatever... gross.... blah blah, then hrs later, he looked at me, n said well arent we gonna do somethin, wit his pants off n i couldnt believe that he said that or would even think that.... i was grown up, i thought i would b respected now.... but i was wrong... i have been depressed n gained about 100 lbs.... in the past couple of yrs... n i just wanna b myself again, happy, strong, not depressed, not down on myself, n i want 2 feel like i can take on the world....!!!! not stay in my bed all day... i wanna work n have confidence in myself... but i feel sooooo gross because of all the weight i have gained, n i feel thats all ne1 looks at.... n they just c me as gross, n dnt c me as an individual!!! n it sux!!! i really hope this program works n helps me get over my fears, my depression, n anxiety, n gives me confidence back... thnx 4 helpin me get this out n whoever reads my story

[qutycute]

did i say 2 much????

[Look2God]

Thank you for being so honest! I too was sexually abused from my first memories as a child of 3 until I was 22 (. My father would come into my room at night or when I was home alone with him. I hardly sleep now because I listen for the door to be opened...to this day! I have been in a few bad relationships and was married to someone who cheated on me our entire marriage and abused me mentally and physically. I have been a single parent for almost 18 years. I am currently in a relationship which I feel is doomed. I have panic attacks when out in public with him. I feel like he is always looking for someting "better" to come along, and I am paranoid that he is always searching for someone else even at his job. I feel inadequate, that I am not enough, depressed, anxious all the time (but when I am with him or think about what he may be doing when he is not with me I panic and stress out). I am up at 2:30 am today because all I can think of is that he has been looking at porn or other women and that is why he doesn't want to spend time with me since we haven't seen each other in over a week (we live within 15 minutes of each other). I am a bit overweight and extremely self conscious. I also am hypercritical of myself. I want to believe that this program can help me and I should just give it to God, but can't seem to completely let go! Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to stop these accuzations toward him? I just want to be able to go out on a regular date...a movie or dinner without having these irrational thoughts and comparing myself to other women. Please let me know if there are people who may be going through something similar. Thank you! I pray that this program helps. I just started it yesterday, though I have had the materials since April of last year. I did not have access to a computer until now. God bless us all as we begin this life-changing endeavor!

[Lexi*J]

Wow! You all are really strong to go through those awful things! I personally think that I was sexually abused as well. The reason why I am not sure though is because I was sleeping; i didn't know if it was a dream or reality. I was at my stepmom's sister's house. Her sister had a son named Sharlow. Whenever I was around him, I just had this weird feeling. Well that night my brother and some of the my stepmom's nieces slept on the trampoline. I was too cold so I came in and slept on the couch in the living room. I was woken up by someone's hand crawling up my shorts and pulling at my underwear. I remember kicking at this person's hand. Then, it happened again. I kept kicking as hard as I could. It happened again and I sort of sat up and let my eyes adjust to the darkness. I could have swore I saw Sharlow. Then, I remember laying back now and hearing "Sharlow the horses are out." I lied there for a while. I didn't want to get up cuz I didn't know if someone was still at the edge of the couch. I got up and went to the bathroom. The whole time I was in the bathroom all I kept thinking was I really think that happened; I do not think it was a dream. Its still hard to think about to this day. Whenever I see him, I get really weirded out and scared.

[Lexi*J]

Wow! You all are really strong to go through those awful things! I personally think that I was sexually abused as well. The reason why I am not sure though is because I was sleeping; i didn't know if it was a dream or reality. I was at my stepmom's sister's house. Her sister had a son named Sharlow. Whenever I was around him, I just had this weird feeling. Well that night my brother and some of the my stepmom's nieces slept on the trampoline. I was too cold so I came in and slept on the couch in the living room. I was woken up by someone's hand crawling up my shorts and pulling at my underwear. I remember kicking at this person's hand. Then, it happened again. I kept kicking as hard as I could. It happened again and I sort of sat up and let my eyes adjust to the darkness. I could have swore I saw Sharlow. Then, I remember laying back now and hearing "Sharlow the horses are out." I lied there for a while. I didn't want to get up cuz I didn't know if someone was still at the edge of the couch. I got up and went to the bathroom. The whole time I was in the bathroom all I kept thinking was I really think that happened; I do not think it was a dream. Its still hard to think about to this day. Whenever I see him, I get really weirded out and scared.

I hope I do not offend anyone when I wrote this... maybe it was just a nightmare... I'm sorry really don't mean to offend anyone.