Going through the program the 2nd time

[garyhermesch52]

I am 52 and have been more or less disappointed with my life for most of it. I've got an engineering degree but boy
was it a struggle. One semester my grades consisted of 3Fs and a D. I currently work basically part-time as a welder.
In grade school, things actually were really good for me. As a matter of fact I was the valedictorian of my little 8th
grade class. I started getting a lot more interested in religion (I'm catholic) in my latter 20s, when I was still working
as an engineer (I was pretty much just there physically every day). I got married when I was 33 and divorced a year
later. I pretty much just made the marriage happen, with my new 'religious' attitude. I'm still into religion, but
hopefully my attitude is more 'mature' and 'seasoned'. If nothing else it seems to work as a distraction from all the
anxiety. I try to be careful and not let it 'cause' the anxiety. I think the program is good, I just seem to be a slow
learner. I'm thinking that if I just stay at it, it eventually will work pretty good for me. I also might mention that
I've taken out personal bankruptcy twice in my life.

[crusader]

This is my first time using anything other then a therapist. i have had this little problem (which wasnt always so little) since i was 15-16ish. im 29 now. i do not take meds and until now i have just tryed my own ways of dealing with it. but im going to try this and accept that this will help me. =) you seem to be very unsure of things, but i may be reading into your post wrong. either way the tech in this program seems to be very uplifting and possitive.... so it has to be at the very least. Educational right?

[garyhermesch52]

Yes, I probably am pretty unsure about things in general, I don't know why that is. I don't even know if I want to
'succeed'. Maybe deep down I think it would be easier to just stay the way I am. Then I don't have to face any what-ifs.

[crusader]

you dont have to face them anyways. YOU choose what you want to let in. It sounds to me like you have a mild form of depression. some anxiety about trying new things. now your at a cross roads...try and succeed or do nothing and fail. The only way to truely fail is not to try. You wanted to try or you wouldnt have gotten this program... You want more for yourself or you wouldnt be redoing the program. realize and accept that. You can do it. Your just scared and thats ok. thats normal. Im at a point where i have to start over completly with my life! im scared. i have anxiety i have never had before. imtrying this program for the first time. im nervous...a lot. but i want something more. thats why im here. and i believe thats why you are too. Its hard to take that step... but its something that needs to happen. You live your life and you deal with what comes next right? live in the moment and dont think about the futur to much right now. its not here. dont let yourself be afraid of something thats not here yet...thats what i tell myself anyways. sounds like maybe we can help each other out here =) i feel stuck to and scared to make the moves i should... idk what they are really...

[garyhermesch52]

Wait til you read my post for session 2. Is that crazy or what?