Getting Myself all worked up

shouldbegrateful · Post by **shouldbegrateful** » Mon May 30, 2011 6:17 am

I have spent the last few days in a constant state of anxiety. I am beginning to worry endlessly about my health again. This has been the cornerstone of my anxiety, I will begin to worry about something going wrong, thinking that there is something that the doctors just don't see. I always feel like if they would only listen that they would find it in time to treat it. But in reality there is no it. I am a relatively healthy 37 year old mom of two, married, working full time and feeling like I have not done enough with my life. I am filling my days with worry and distraction instead of participating in the day.

My work has been a huge source of stress for me, I work in newspapers and we all know that is not going well for anyone. I have said goodbye to nearly 200 co-workers, been relocated, had my work load tripled and my pay, hours and benefits cut at every turn. We just recently lost more people, some of which were people who were relocated with me, others were ones I became close to in the 2 1/2 years since I moved to the other site. I don't want to do it anymore and I know that I am using my "health problems" or "I don't feel good" or "Is it cancer" as a distraction from grieving yet again over the loss of essentially family members. WOW ~ in typing all that out I realize exactly how horrible what I have been forced to go through has been. I don't feel too much better but at least now I see why I am struggling a little more lately than I had been. I know I am in the right place for help but I have been living like this far too long, wasted far too much time and missed out on so many things as I rattled around in my own miserable head that I am wanting everything now. A pill, wake up and tada! Normal me again. I know it doesn't work that way and that I will be a stronger person on the other side of this journey but I am "road weary" and I want to be at my destination.