Fear of love

[pink1686]

Hello there,
This is my first week into the program, im a little skeptical and nervous because it seems like I have tried everything!!! Let me tell you a little bit about myself, I am 24 years oldI graduated high school in 2004. That year I met my first boyfriend ,moved out with him when I was 17 and never looked back. My childhood was amazing I have wonderful parents who love and support me so im sure that the fear does not stem from that time of my life, I believe the fear comes from the first relationship I had, I was young and dumb, I was the average teen who dosnt listen to her parents and did what I wanted to do... BIG MISTAKE. I met him on a cruise ,we dated for 9 months and then he moved thousands of miles to live with me. Before our lives joined ,the distance we had between eachother was great, we got along but then the truth about him came out and broke my heart, not only was he a lier who did wverything behind my back but he also was a bully, a coward and abusive ,mentally,physically, and emotionally. I gave him way to many chances. It was a volitule relationship for 5 years with constant questioning. Its almost been 3 years since the breakup, im in a new relationship that without a doubt is more than I could ever ask for ,he is amazing and loyal and above all honest and loving, he always puts me first I was waiting for this kind of love for so many years and yet I question him?? He has done nothing wrong to me, he puts up with my insequrities and loves me despite what im going through ,he is a true man. So why am I doing this to him and most of all myself? Why cant I just love without walls and without the fear? Im not jelous of random girls, only the one who came before me ,but he has reasured me several times that I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me and would never do anything that would hurt our relationship.In my heart I believe every word but my head is always the bad angel on my shoulder saying "keep your eyes open in case he cheats." How do I stop this constant cycle ?? help

[Dawnsky]

Hi, Pink!

I don't know how much this helps, but I had an idea. You might be basing all of your relationship expectations on the only one you've had; at least that's what it sounds like. My idea? Look at your parents' relationship. You did say they were amazing parents; hopefully part of that is their relationship with each other.

Another thing is, learn to appreciate guys for who they are--like you'd relate to someone from another culture. Learn to be their friend. I admit, I do frequently end up being the chick who has sisterly burping contests with male friends, and some would say that's a disadvantage, but a real friendship is much more satisfying than a "relationship" based on pretense. In fact, that's how I've learned to trust men again after my father left the family, and then I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew from college. By making friends.

Hopefully I've said something worth listening to here. If not, just tell me to zip it. But I hope this helps!

Also, I'd really concentrate on the section about assertiveness. (I'm doing the program for the second time.)

Well, that's it for now. Take care!

--Dawnsky

[pink1686]

Thank you for replying ,I guess it is true that in some ways I look at men from only one view due to the relationship that I was a part of for so long,and I really need to change that view, maybe making friends with them instead of fighting any male relationship is what I need to do. My boyfriend is my best friend ,I truly could not ask for a better man in my life,I dont want him to suffer just because I worry he might leave that is no way to live. I dont give myself enough credit and I need to start doing that more. Thank you for responding I could use all the support ...

[deckdealer013]

you should not feel guilty for having those feelings i have been there just try and move forward at a pace you are comfortable with and continue to talk to him about it if he is the right one he will at least try to understand and help you just don't blame him if he doesn't get it all the time.