Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone,
I have recently begun the Stress program now that my anxiety has become an everyday and constant scenario. I have high hopes for the future with the program even though with the initial start up my anxieties have been acting up more and more. With this first session I am slowly coming around to the ideas and exercises presented in the program, but have been bothered by one concept in particular. The program expresses high expectations of one's self to be a negative thing and I can't seem to understand why. Is it wrong to think on the matters of life with high expectations? I have been through many hard times in my life such as abandonment and homelessness and feel that my persistence of high expectations has gotten me through allot. Even now as I face the most difficult times in my life with severe anxiety, I still have high expectations that I will not only cure myself of these problems, but walk away as an even better man than I was before. Is this wrong?

Hi Cadence! No, there is nothing wrong with high expectations! It is though a problem if the expectations are unrealistic.
That is where balance or good judgment needs to come into play. Many people have high expectations of others and how they should act or react to your actions. We are sadly disappointed when others, loved ones or co workers or friends do not react the way you expect them to react to what you say or your actions or activities.

Case in point, I was upset with certain family members that did not show up at my son's wedding. I was very distraught and broken hearted. I have understanding of some of their reasons, but not totally, because I expect them to do or act the way I would act or do. That is where the problem comes in. I care enough about family members that I would attend their child's wedding if I were invited. I would sacrifice to do so, but other people are not like me and might not see that going to my child's wedding is an important event and probably doesn't realize or understand why it is important to me to have them be there.

So this can weigh on one's self-esteem by thinking that I must be "worthless" because this family member or friend didn't bother to come to my child's wedding. You could put in another event that fits your circumstances or value system.

People with anxiety sometimes have set their personal goals too high and then have anxiety because they can't achieve them in the specified time they planned for the goal to be realized. So it is good to have hopes, dreams and high expectations. But many people that come here, can only get out of their "frozen state" of inertia by only setting goals they can achieve quickly by taking Baby Steps to give them self confidence. Because many of us have been shot down by tragedy or set backs one way or another and it is hard to get going again. Paislee