Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:07 pm
				
				To say I have a stubborn streak is the understatemet of the year.  I have had the program for almost two years now but have yet to finish it once.  I have finally realized that I am the only thing holding me back from getting better.  At times I am able to get through my day with little fear or anxiety and then it all seems to hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I am even having trouble going to the grocery store alone.  Something that terrifies me and has shown me that I do have a problem and I do need help.  I am the type of person that thinks they have solve any problem on their own but I have come to realize that is simply not the case.  I have finally begun to open up to my closest friends about my anxiety and it feels good to let them in.  It also feels scary because I can no longer avoid the topic.  Avoidance used to be one of my biggest tools and now I have gotten rid of it.  I guess more than anything I am writing here today to make it clear to myself that I have this disease.  It is a real thing and I have to take control over my own recovery if I want to get better.  I often read posts on this site but have always hesitated actually writing something myself.  I guess this is one fear I have overcome.  The fear of admitting I have a problem.  Only a thousand more to go 