Stress Center Peer Support

My wife had the foresight to invest in this program for me well over a year ago when my "problems" were fairly mild. Today, I'm very thankful she did.

I'm just starting out with Session 1. I'm pushing 30 (come January 1 I won't be pushing anymore), and the father of five munchkins. I have about a billion reasons to be overly stressed out in any given day. Stress never used to bother me, but the cumulative damage over the past four years or so has finally gotten to me.

After listening to the Support Person CD (with the Mrs.) I now see that I've had anxious tendencies my entire life. It's only recently that I began feeling this badly, and very recently since panic attacks have set in.

I used to have a very physical job and pulled a muscle in my chest. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I was diagnosed with costacondritus, and it eventually began causing major anxiety. Up until that point, I honestly believed I was invincible. After that, I had everything from brain tumors to colon cancer.

My wake-up call came when I was diagnosed with barrett's esophagus. The "real" condition made the "fake" ones disappear. I'm coping okay with my barrett's. It is very low grade (no disphagia) and new research suggests that so long as my acid reflux remains controlled, there is a good chance it will stay that way.

But the door was open, and over the past several years I have had several major bouts with depression and anxiety. Usually it was over my barrett's. I would present a symptom or two of my barrett's worsening and assume I was developing cancer from it. A scope in July eased my mind: no change. Then it was prostate problems... I was positive I had prostate problems because I had a symptom. Went to a urologist and, while I wouldn't carve it in stone, he gave me his opinion and it eased my mind a lot.

My first true panic attack was a monster. It happened about two weekends ago. I was on the set of my current film project and started trembling. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt numb. Pain. At first I didn't say anything, but it worsened to the point where I had to. Fortunately, one of the cast members is also a nurse, and he was able to determine it was probably a panic attack. I drank some water, had some food, calmed down.

On the drive home it happened again and it was much worse. I called 911 and pulled over. The EMT's arrived and hooked me up to their machine. They saw that my heartrate was high and my bp was up (it's up all the time anyway) and diagnosed it as a panic attack.

I've had a few since then. Had one last night at dinner with my family at Applebees. But I went out this evening with a friend of mine and had a terrific time.

I'm not a social butterfly but I love going out with friends and family. I was nervous about trying again tonight but it went very well. I don't know, maybe it was the hour we spent at the driving range that loosened me up.

Sorry, getting off topic. Anyway, I'm pretty overweight (pushing 280, I'm pretty sure). I started at a gym in September but my personal trainer quit and I stopped going because it felt too much like work. But after seeing how well my anxiety responded to the physical activity at the driving range, I think I may try the gym again but with a new attitude. It's my time, to make my body look the way I want it. It's not "work" it's my choice, and I'm doing it because it's what I want and what I know my body needs.

So - sorry for the looooong first post. Just thought I would get the introductory and history stuff out of the way. I'm excited to be on this journey, and I look forward to not only taking my life back, but making it even better than it was before. Thanks for enduring the ramble! I look forward to getting to know everyone here and sharing in this journey together.

Hey Grimm!
I just got started on the forums yesterday (I started the program a few months ago and then got off track with the holidays approaching). Like you, I wrote a very long first post and I haven't got a response yet. I saw that no one has responded to you either so I thought you might need some cheerleading!! It sounds like you have a busy life. I have four kids myself- three are still at home- but I've been divorced for almost ten years. My alternating anxiety and depression have started getting bad again over the last year (it started with a panic attack a year before my marriage went down the tubes). I think living with three teenagers might have something to do with it.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing with the exercise program. I hope that works to help calm your anxiety! It will definitely make you healthier. Its great that your wife is so supportive. I just read about the Barrett's; I didn't know what it was. I know that one of my main anxiety symptoms is stomach upset (heartburn, acid indigestion). Probably if you work the program and manage the anxiety/panic attacks the disease symptoms won't be so bad. I am planning to start exercising on a regular basis myself. Best of luck to you! I'm sure things will get better.

I definitely appreciate the reply. I was starting to wonder about that. Unfortunately my attacks are coming faster and more furiously. It's gone from extreme circumstances to just sitting around the house.

Part of my problem is that my blood pressure is usually on the high side, and I'm frequently concerned that a panic attack will actually cause some kind of problem with that. My BP has been up for awhile; it's almost exclusively due to my poor diet. For awhile over the summer I dropped all salty and fatty foods and my BP dropped as well. Seems obvious what I should do, doesn't it? Unfortunately, as most people here probably know, it's not nearly as easy to do what we obviously should as some people may think it is.