Hi Piglet,
January 24 2006 I stopped doing everything I'd ever done in life including work, going out of my house, going anywhere, scared to take a step for fear of falling, I had dizziness beyond belief, vertigo, and had convinced myself that the dizziness was coming from a rare disease of the ears called Meneire's disase (sp). It got to the point that at 6 pm that day my wife called the rescue unit who took me to the hospital because I was sure I had had a stroke.
At the hospital they ran every test you can name including a cat scan, mri, blood work, literally everything and every test came back normal. The ER doctor knew that I had carried mild anxiety for 35 years and he kept telling me that I was having a panic attack but of course I knew he was wrong. They sent me home with some kind of pills and naturally I refused to take them also because I knew the pill would make it worse.
Piglet, I lived from January to July 14 2006 in pure fear of everything and this was totally new to me. Yes I had always had anxiety but knew how to control it then suddenly my life, work, and marriage went away in an instant.
On July 14th 2006 I saw an infomercial for this program and thought this is the last chance I have to ever live a regular life again, do I try it or not? I decided I had nothing else to lose because I'd already lost it all anyway so I signed up, bought the program, joined the people in the chatroom, and waited for 3 days for the program to get here.
When it did, I found the first 2 week (2 lessons) were pure hell. I cried, I had more anxiety than I'd ever had before, I wanted to quit but several of the regulars in the chatroom kept telling me that this was normal because the first two to three weeks I was learning how to face the fears that had taken over my life and it would get better. At the end of the second lesson, Overcoming Panic Attacks, I made a decision that I was going to work the entire program harder than anything I'd ever worked in my entire life. I did everything the program called for, didn't matter what it was, if it was an assignment I did it three times in a row, if it was listening to the relaxation cd I did it 3x a day everyday of the week, anything and everything I did 3x until I finished the program on October 13th 2006.
At first yes I was as scared as you are right now, pure fear gripped me, but the further into the lessons I got the easier it became. See each lesson is built upon the previous lesson then goes further ahead at the same time. By the time I got through the third lesson I was out of the house and had started driving my car up and down my driveway...seems like such a small thing doesn't it but it was a huge step for me, I could get in the car again, I could go outside finally and that was in August 2006.
As I moved on through the lessons I started peeling away all the fears I had carried for over 35 years like you'd peel away the layers of an onion, one layer at a time.
As I said I finished the program Oct 13 2006 but I still had a couple fears that were left, one was social anxiety and the other was driving long distances. So I redid the program again from January 2007 to April 2007. During that time I overcame the 'store' problem such as Walmart & even the grocery store.
As time went by my family and wife saw me change even though I really didn't notice it for quite awhile. By the summer of 2007 I was outside, going anywhere I wanted to go, doing whatever I wanted to do and being who I wanted to be not who someone thought I should be. See there is a word in that last line that you will learn as you go further into the program..."I". Now "I" do these things, no one else.
But I still wasn't driving long distances as of January 2008, however, my parents live in Florida while I live in Indiana and on the third week of January this year my mom had to have heart surgery in Florida then dad had to have a pacemaker put in the last week of January. What to do..I had to be there in case something happened and I was needed + I just wanted to be with them during this time of their lives.
Mom's surgery was scheduled for a wednesday morning so I got in my car around 11 am on tuesday morning and drove out of my driveway, picked up I 74 to I 75 in Cincinnati Oh and by myself I drove 1100 miles to Florida, straight thru for 19 hours, and arrived 45 mins before her surgery. I drove it myself, no one else was in the car with me except a cd player and a cell phone. I made a trip I didn't think I'd ever do again. I turned around and came home on Friday of the same week...re-driving 1100 miles.
The next week was my dad's surgery, again, in Florida, so I did something I hadn't done in 33 years, I flew down this time and was there for him. I stayed a couple days then flew home without any problems at all and an anxiety level of zero.
Anxiety at zero? Yes and no, I carry the basic normal anxiety now days that every one has, the kind that keeps us from getting ran over by trains, or hit by a truck when not watching out when driving, but panic & anxiety...gone, nothing there at all.
Since I returned home I've had a couple anxious days but if you saw my daily schedule now it's a wonder I don't pack up and move to a deserted island somewhere just to get out of work.
Piglet, the program does work, but you have to commit yourself to working the program as hard as you've ever done with anything in your entire life and it doesn't matter how young or old you are. Work it, don't look backwards in time, what happened back there is gone and we can't change it but we can keep moving fowards all the time now. The program takes practice to retrain our thinking process to what's good, not what we are used to, the negative side of life and it takes time to do that. I'd give anything to have a magical pill that would wipe the anxiety, depression, ocd out in a split second but I don't, what I do have is this program, a will do live again, and a dedication to make my life better everyday I'm here and I do it.
Right now, it's been 2 years and 2 months since I went totally down or close to 1.5 years since I finished the program and what am I listening to while I type this to you? The relaxation cd! I listen to it 1x a day everyday just to keep my skills sharp, my focus straight ahead, and to keep moving foward. You can do it too, in fact anyone who reads another one of David's novels can do it but it takes hard work, you will face the fears that scare you to death, and you will work through them the same as I did as I peeled back the layers of anxiety that scared me to death also...but as I've won the battle so will you, it just takes time, dedication and practice.
Go for it, don't look back, and take every thing slow and easy...one day at a time.
Have a great day and I think this post may have just beat any I've made in a long long time.
David