I am starting the program over because I am noticing my anxiety is with me throughout the day. I am in constant worry about having a panic attack, probably because my first one was so traumatizing. I havn't had a panic attack in over a year or two. But I do get high levels of anxiety where I think it'll lead to a panic attack. My physical body symptoms that cause my anxiety are my stomach, gas in my stomach, gas stuck in my chest, and at rare times heart palpitations. I figure I do the online support forum because I did not use this to full advantage when I first bought the program. I also noticed that my emotions cause anxiety, esp. when I think about traumatizing memories and events. I find that the relaxation session is extremely difficult for me, because it causes even more anxiety. I know I have to be courageous and face the fear, eventually I'll get over it. I have so much on my plate right now, currently unemployed, alcohol and substance abuse, PTSD, and trying to impress my parents (which I realized is impossible but I still find myself feeling guilty over choices I made). My anxiety is moderate to high esp. at night. My psychiatrist put me on Prozac, and Clonazepam. I am currently trying to taper off the clonazepam by asking her to perscribe a lower dose and lower pill counts. I also feel that Prozac is causing more anxiety as opposed to when I was taking Celexa about two years ago. I take trazadone to help me achieve a deep full restful sleep. I am writing in hopes that I get the support I need online to stay on a healthy course i.e. (running, sleeping, meditation, practicing the relaxation session, staying away from negative friends, stay away from substances, and practicing more positivity in my life). I am looking to start school in Jan of 2014. My goal is to be whole, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I shall start the program over, and finish it this time, and I am just looking for support online to help me through this scary but necessary phase in my life.
I want to be off the antidepressants, the anti-anxiolitics, and the substances (alcohol and marajuana). It's so damn hard to get off these substances, probably because of the company I keep in my life. I need more positive, encouraging people in my life circle. I know I am not perfect, but its a sure damn hard habit and mindset to break. So any positive words of encouragement would surely help. There is so much negativity around me, and so much trauma in my past, I want to be able to look forward with hope, and be able to be in the present moment and just breath without having to worry.