Lack of friends

Brandy04 · Post by **Brandy04** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 5:16 am

I am new to this. I just started this a week ago. I have benn seeing a therapist for 3 years now. Nothing has changed. I worry about everything, but most importantly that people do not like me. Or my favorite that they are mad at me. Does anyone feel like this?

AlmostThere0805 · Post by **AlmostThere0805** » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:04 pm

Hi Brandy,

I can remember struggling with what you're talking about as early as 5 years old. Not feeling like you belong, always worrying about not adding up and the most frustrating thing is it's a self fulfilling prophesy. Since I automatically think people won't or don't like me my whole demeanor is awkward with no confidence. How can people like me when I don't even like myself?! I know it's taken us years to put this belief system into practice so we're not going to be reprogrammed overnight. I am on the 3rd cd (but it's taken me since january)and the positive self talk has started to help a little and give me a glimmer of hope. Ive been going to therapy since I was 19 (27 now) and like you have felt that nothing's worked. Maybe it's because we weren't given tools to actually change? I hope so. Are you on the 3rd cd?

Brandy04 · Post by **Brandy04** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:19 am

AlmostThere0805,
I think we were separated at birth! I agree it has been all of my life also. I am one of four children, and I at 34, still do not feel like I belong. I do believe that you are right about not being given the tools by our therapist. I am just on disc 2. My husband ordered it for me 2 months ago. Two weeks agao, as I was leaving for the therapist's office and I grabed it for some reason. The first disc described me to a T. I don't know if you have children of your own, I do. Four boys ages 17, 15, 8,18 months. You can't imagine how this has affected their lives. I to automatically assume that people do not like me, so what I do is try to "buy" friends. I have spent so much money, buying friendships, that are not real, money will buy you anything untill you realize your are being taken. Then you are harder on yourself for letting it happen. Unfortunatly, I do it again because I am so drepressed that I have no friends. Oddly enough, I don't even think my siblings are my friends. That says a lot since we all talk everyday. I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere? Thanks for listening! I hope we can keep intouch, it seems as though we could possibly get each other through this discovery!

Paridygmn · Post by **Paridygmn** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:45 pm

Hi everybody,
on the subject of the effectiveness of a therapist, I would have to whole-heartedly agree that the ones I had were not a help to me. I asked two of them what is the diagnosis on me after numerous sessions and they both said, yep, you are depressed. Thanks for taking my money for nothing was the only thing I could think.

Regarding a lack of friends, I would have to say on the one hand I have successfully done all that I could to be isolated from others and allow my social skills to fall off.

Regarding people not liking me, I remember one day I was at work and experienced the 10th some odd time that I said hello to someone thinking I was being friendly and they just looked at me like "what is his problem?" The last time that happened I noticed and was on my way to the men's room so I thought I might hold the look on my face so I could see it in the mirror. What I saw was not an indifferent face that I thought I had, but an angry face that took me completely by surprise. I started taking pictures of myself from my phone to see how well what I saw in the mirror matched up with what I felt and I still looked angry. I think over time I realized that I just plain did not like myself, I was not relaxed, I was tense, resentful, and so on. This is where the relaxation CD comes in to help, but also the need to address my personal problems and negative feelings that have kept me in the negative state.

Paridygmn

DrRylie · Post by **DrRylie** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 7:38 pm

I am a Holistic Dr who is going through this program because I have been dealing with anxiety since I was a child. I would like to find others who would like to chat about their process. I feel like this program is so beneficial I am recommending it to all my clients!! I am looking for support friends who I can communicate with during my healing process. If you are interested in having a support friend please email me. I believe we can change into a wonderful anxiety free person with this program.

okkan · Post by **okkan** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:15 am

I´m shifting from feeling good this summer to being a person who thinks badly of myself. It´s a struggle but it´s going in the right direction. Good luck

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 8:02 am

I found that when I was first going through my anxiety, a friend where I did volunteer work could tell when I was feeling better, because I didn't look so tense. I didn't have the CDs then, but was working on overcoming my anxiety w/ a therapist and I might have been on here by then.

Having the CDs really help and change in diet and exercise.

Katie_Lee18 · Post by **Katie_Lee18** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:26 am

I know exactly how you feel. I was just about to post something about it actually. I literally feel so depressed because I'm 19 years old, and I've never fit in, or been "popular." I've always wanted to be the one with a million friends and be able to do something fun every weekend. Well I don't. Whenever I'm not working or at school, I'm usually home and I HATE it. I beat myself up and wonder, what's so bad about me that I can't have a bunch of friends like normal people my age? I don't get it. I also get mad at other people because I feel as though they're unfair and not giving me a chance to be their friend. I want a best friend too, someone that calls me first to hang out. I'm not number one on anyone's list, and it's kind of depressing. I know how you feel. We just need to build our self esteem and confidence and be as friendly and outgoing as possible. Good luck!

Paridygmn · Post by **Paridygmn** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:59 pm

Katie_Lee18,
I have a few for you; Are you shy? Are you reserved? Is there someone you ask to hang out? Is there someone you initiate a conversation with?

We all fit in somewhere and we don't have to compromise ourselves in the process. You may need to open up the possibility of meeting and having friends outside of the environment you find yourself in (your school for example). Are you going out and doing things you like to do in spite of having a group of friends to do it with? I ask because staying at home only serves to make and keep things tough.

Tell yourself to be free of worry, resentment, despair, etc. and to feel relaxed, and you will.

Good Luck,

Paridygmn

laneski · Post by **laneski** » Thu Dec 09, 2010 11:09 pm

i feel that way as well. i think we feel this way because we are constantly hiding who we are, and people don't get much of a chance to get to know us or take the chance to get to know them. i just started the program as well and i have to say it's already helping.. it's allowing me to understand what's going on with me and it has helped me focus more and helping me remember how i used to be and with their tools it's gonna help me be an even better person in the end. just keep with it and try to focus on the important things and keep in mind that a lot of things are just in our heads! best of luck to you