Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:23 am
I've really struggled with this one. I have always felt BAD about taking the meds (I've been on too many to enumerate here), and after having my big epiphany a couple of years ago (after going through the program for a second time), I was preaching how "evil" the meds are, and that they have to stop. (I wrote a whole blog about this and sent this to practically everyone I know, including 1,000 people at the company I work at!) Well, let's just say that I've had to go back on them, but then, again, I just recently stopped. My thing has always been social anxiety, and I have definitely seen benefits from the meds, but also had this feeling like I SHOULDN'T need them. Since I started taking meds about 10 years ago, I never really stopped, except for one 6-month stint (right after my epiphany). Eventually, I fell into a major depression, and could not sleep hardly at all. Then again, I was going through a divorce at the time, and think that that episode may have been mainly due to that. I just don't feel like I know anymore. I feel a bit like a hypocrite for taking meds now, after being so adamantly against them. BUT, I am trying to cut myself a break there, because I was way too extreme in my take on them before.
Anyway, I've been trying to have a new attitude about all of this: If I feel better on the medications, then why not take them??? Noone is saying I'm going to be on them for the rest of my life, but they may just be what I need for now, as I learn to apply and work these skills in my daily life. I think it is probably the way to go for me. There, I guess I just answered my own question.
I think I'm probably just being way too "black and white" about this - like the meds are either right or they're wrong. I guess I think that they may just be a tool that some of us need to get to a better place. I think where I have gone wrong before was to find a good medication, and then stop working the skills, or going to counseling. Because I felt like I was "fixed", and didn't need to do anything else. Well, I guess that would be true if I didn't mind being on meds (and dealing with all of the side effects) for the rest of my life, but I guess I would rather not be. I think it's time to find a new medication.
Anyway, I've been trying to have a new attitude about all of this: If I feel better on the medications, then why not take them??? Noone is saying I'm going to be on them for the rest of my life, but they may just be what I need for now, as I learn to apply and work these skills in my daily life. I think it is probably the way to go for me. There, I guess I just answered my own question.
I think I'm probably just being way too "black and white" about this - like the meds are either right or they're wrong. I guess I think that they may just be a tool that some of us need to get to a better place. I think where I have gone wrong before was to find a good medication, and then stop working the skills, or going to counseling. Because I felt like I was "fixed", and didn't need to do anything else. Well, I guess that would be true if I didn't mind being on meds (and dealing with all of the side effects) for the rest of my life, but I guess I would rather not be. I think it's time to find a new medication.