Stress Center Peer Support

I'm 24 now, have really severe Panic Disorder, had it since 20. I've done Lucinda's program three times, great program for many but it hasn't done a thing for me. I've been on Lexapro, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Tofranil... no difference at all.
I've had tubes shoved down my throat, biopsies, MRI's, you name it andd I'm in perfect health.

Xanax does help, I only take it once or twice a week, and even so it has greatly lost it's effectiveness.. even so, it still is the only thing that gets me through having to go on a date or visit family etc.

So here's my problem, time's passing by... I'm 24, I can't even make it through a job interview without at least 4-5mg of Xanax in my system (This is not due to tolerance, that's the actual dose I needed from the very first time I took it, any less and I don't feel a thing). I've tried and I just ended up vomiting or dry heaving non-stop and can't even talk, I'll go into this state for what could be hours. I pretty much have no way of moving on, and over four years I've actually only gotten worse by "facing my fears".

I could just go on benzos daily, which ultimately I think would be a huge mistake, but I feel sick 24/7 already anyway. Second problem is that as you can tell by my dose, I have very high tolerance to all medication and normally need very large amounts... finding a doctor that will give me such large amounts is not going to be easy, and doing it illegally would leave a gigantic dent in my wallet.

Has anyone taken them daily for years and what has been your experience? I get panic symptoms just answering a phone call or even getting the mail, I literally can't function. The way I am now years are going to go by and I'm still going to be living with the parents, at this point it's that or risking almost certain addiction.

Since you are so tolerant to meds, I am wondering about your diet and lifestyle. How clean is your diet? What do you normally eat? Hope you don't mind me asking.

Lifestyle - do you work out - are you active?

Spirituality - Is God in your life?

Sleep - Do you get enough sleep?

Sun, fresh air - are you getting enough sun and fresh air?

Water - are you drinking clean water?

Substances - are you taking any substances that can cause you anxiety such as caffeine, foods with MSG...do you drink, smoke? Take recreational drugs?

I have a feeling you really need to look outside of what you are currently doing, look at each aspect of your life and see what is lacking, or maybe what you are doing too much of.

Hope that helps.

Rpanic04- I am going to be totally honest with you here...I have been taking Xanax for 7 years; daily for 5 of the past 7 and it is the worst decision I ever made for myself. I am now in the process of tapering....slowly. I never have had a set dosage and in all the years of using this medication, I haven't taken more then 3mg's in a day and those days were very few and far bewtween and I do not take that amount now. I cannot tell you want is right for you, your choice, think it through first....research. I do not feel that Xanax is a bad medication if used "as needed only" not for daily use. I would be happy to go into more detail if you wish on to how & why I ended where I am at....just ask. I will also say that the best relief I achieved from anxiety/panic was to go through them and not run away from them. I have been running for years now and need to make a change....this change will take a long time.

No caffeine/alcohol/smoking/drugs. I'm a fitness nut and my diet is very clean. Sunshine and fresh air, average amount, i'm in the south so the sun hits you like a fist here. Gallon of water a day. 7-9 hours of sleep. Not very religious but I do believe in God or some higher power.

The issue with my high tolerance I have had since I was a child though. For example, local anesthesia barely has an effect on me, this would make dental visits absolute torture. I don't believe this is from my lifestyle as much as a genetic factor as my father and grandfather are the same.

Taking benzos daily is really a last resort that I've been avoiding as long as possible. However, I'm at a point where the doctor actually told me they have run out of tests they can do on me, SSRI's don't work, CBT has done nothing, hypnotherapy nothing.... the list is long, i've done most things at least twice and they haven't done a thing. I was 20, now I'm 24, if the same amount of time passes i'll be 28 and still be living at home unable to work.... it comes down to living at home with not much of a life and being nauseas/dizzy/uneasy all day, or being on my own, with a better life but facing almost certain addiction problems. I honestly don't know which sounds worse, sounds like a lose/lose situation.

The only way I could see myself getting "the best of both worlds" would be a job that would allow me to work three days a week, one day on-one day off... a M-W-F type block schedule. This would allow me to be on benzos to work and also have days off. Unfortunately, there's no way I can support myself on a part-time salary (I'm not sure if SSI benefits would match my salary and double it, I seriously doubt it). I actually have this pretty well calculated, I could afford everything except my rent by working 24 hours a week (8x3), that's a big chunk... I have a pretty wealthy parent who owns tons of properties and could probably take care of this for me if I asked, this parent is a very negative person though and I'm not sure if I want to rely on them for help.

RPanic04:
In my opinion, don't think of benzos as your last resort, if you need them, than you do. Do you have a counselor or therapist that you can talk to about it. You may need intense therapy.
I don't work either and still live home, it isn't the worst thing. Its not a lose/lose situation, it sounds you have a bit of a plan. You are thinking and putting things into perspective. you know you are going to need benzos and that's O.K.

Thanks RRLY

The only reason I feel like i'm in a "lose" situation living at home is because I'm naturally a very independent/outgoing person (when I'm healthy that is), quite frankly I just feel very uncomfortable living with the parents. In my culture it's actually pretty common, I've got cousins around 28 still living at home, it doesn't quite cut it for me though. I shouldn't complain though, at least I have a roof over my head while I sort things out with my panic.

I've done some pretty intense therapy, it's helped me cope with having my problem, but it hasn't actually done anything to the problem.

I am starting to face the idea that I might need benzos long-term, it's been four years now and I can barely function doing everyday things. I wouldn't mind taking pills for the rest of my life, my big fear is of developing tolerance because then I'd really have nothing left to turn to. I hear of some people who go on them for a year and they "poop out", then I hear of others who have been on them for 20 years and even though they are heavily addicted, they still work just fine.... I can only hope i'll be in that second group.

I took Klonopin, basically a slower longer acting Xanax for over 10 years. I started when I was 26 and am now 40. I am now off of it after a verrrry slow taper. My doctor now says that it has been shown to affect memory later in life when used long-term. I was like you though, and I felt like I had no other choice to be able to function in life. My psychiatrist at the time said to get the panic under control and worry about getting off of the medicaion later.
I hope this was helpful to you.

Hi Panic.
Try googling a guy named Joe Barry. He has some very good materials. Read books by Claire weekes and of course, the Stress materials. Try alot of different approaches until you find the one that works for you. I take a low dosage of klonopin as needed, and it works great for me. Don't give up, you WILL get well.