Hello All:
I went off of all of my psychiatric medications almost 2 years ago due
to the fact that I no longer had
any income whatsoever and I also had no health insurance. It was a very dark time for me.
My very brief recent history:
I had a major breakdown in 2007. Lost my job due to workforce reduction in 2009. I went through
my Severance, my Retirement money, and my Unemployment money. I had the Cobra Insurance
for 18 months, but that expired in February 2012. My Unemployment money ended in May 2012.
My sister gave me money to live each month for several months.
She was my sole financial support.
I was severely depressed and isolated and I cried every day. I had no medications. I had no coping
skills and I had no hope. In January 2013 I won my Disability case in front of a Social Security
Disability judge. Immediately I qualified for Medicare. And I also received some back-dated settlement money. All should have been well after that, right ? But it wasn't. I did not have
Prescription Coverage ( this is a long story ), so I still had to pay cash for my medications. So, I
still was not taking any psychiatric medications early in 2013. I was very, very isolated. All I
did was watch television, day in and day out. My mother became very ill at the end of 2013.
This put me at the end of my rope, psychologically.
In October 2013 I was admitted to the hospital ( the psyche ward ).
Everything got better from the moment I got there. All of a sudden I had a clear mind.
I cannot explain it, except it was like a "light bulb" moment. I accepted my illness and embraced
it for the first time. I started being receptive right away.
I was already learning coping skills at the hospital, there
were "classes" almost every single day at the hospital.
I was put back on some medications while in the hospital.
Thank goodness they did not "drug me up". They put me on just a few medications and I don't feel
that they were over medicating me whatsoever. As soon as I was released from the hospital
I was enrolled in an Intensive Outpatient Program. This was a god-send. I was finally getting
the help I needed. This was a 6 week program and I attended 5-6 days a week for
the entire day. I must have had a million angels on my shoulders ! I mean it. Was it luck
or destiny that I had a clear mind, that all of these services and opportunities were suddenly
coming my way, and that now I was learning the skills to help lead me to recovery.
And the teachers and facilitators and therapists were great. I was finally fitting
in and meeting people just like me ! I knew they were out there SOMEWHERE.
I have learned so much from my peers.
My mom died in December 2013 and I was able to handle it ( with my new coping skills, my new
medications and my sisters support ). 2014 is looking SO MUCH better than all of the past
8 years before this. I can't screw this up, I just have to keep up the momentum and my
motivation. I can't let one dark day or one panic attack get me down. I was told in my classes
to "practice, practice, practice" ! I guess I am going to be practicing for A LONG TIME !
Hope is the most important positive attitude. I think I finally have that hope.
PS: I want to thank everyone who was thinking about me while I was gone. This brought tears
to my eyes today.
The first thing I am grateful for each morning ? I am grateful to be alive.
It's as simple as that.
LyndaLu
