Hi Holly!
First off, I know exactly how you feel since i've been there (except to a greater extreme). I'm no longer taking ativan, since my psych. switched me to klono instead- I've had pretty severe anxiety for nearly 9 years.
Here's what I can tell you about ativan and ALL benzos:
There is NO need to suffer withdrawl symptoms if you taper gradually. This is a little different for you because you're on an "as needed" dosage. Unfortuantely, much of mainstream med. only recognizes the physical taper of a benzo (ativan is completely out of the body within a couple days [even less depending on the length of usage and dosage]) and not the psychological aspects of the Rx. This is a really big deal considering anxiety is a psychological response to our perceptions of reality.
Bottom line- GO SLOW! If you need to continue with the dosage you're on in order to feel comfortable enough continuing the program, do so. While I'm certainly no MD, if I was in your position I might consider taking your ativan on a schedule, like .5 mg 3x daily- this will keep the drug in your system, consequently keeping your anxiety at a minimum. It's also MUCH easier to create a taper schedule. For instance, once you begin to learn more of the program's coping skills, determine when you anxiety is at its lowest, (maybe in the mid-afternoon) then you can taper that dosage to .25 but continue on the .5 in the am and pm.
There are some really great tapering schedules out there- check out <A HREF="
http://www.theroadback.org;" TARGET=_blank>www.theroadback.org;</A> this is the program I'm using. Naturally, it's imperative that you find a dr. who will work with you on YOUR plan (after all, it's your body... and sanity!).
I might also recomend some vitamin supplements. Though I have the supplements from theroadback, I'm not currently using them (except the passionflower) because i've developed acid reflux. However, my pharmacist has recommended a good multivitamin, and b-complex (the b vitamins are CRUCIAL to the nervous system. If fact, i just learned it's not uncommon for people suffering MILD depression to have bi-monthly b vitamin shots instead of taking an ssri! Kind of funny what the big pharmaceudical (sp?) co. don't want us to know!)
I also drink a supplement called NaturalCalm (found at local health food stores) before bed that has both calcium and magnesium (two more vitamins frequently deficient in people suffering anxiety/depression). I think it tastes good, and helps to make me sleepy; and no, there is not an interaction between this an if you cont. to take ativan before bed (already asked <span class="ev_code_PINK">;*)</span>!).
If you have any more q's, don't hesitate to pm me. Best wishes to you!
Emily
Oh, about the heroin thing... don't know much about street drugs, only a little grass in college and hash on a visit to Amsterdam well over a decade ago, but, in my humble opinion, this is OVEREXAGGERATION! I can see where this comment is coming from because I've been through sheer hell with benzos, but if you have a trustworthy Dr. helping you, you're working on the coping skills and have support, and you're fully aware of and informed about a drug and still need to take it, don't feel guilty/scared- do so. That's why they exist.