Stress Center Peer Support

First off let me say for some reason I have this weird superstition that if I tell people or myself that I am doing better or good that I get bad again. I've grown up with silly superstitions like that. One was to never put your purse on the floor because the devil will curse it and another is if you dream about your teeth falling out that means someone will die that you love. My mother is a wonderful strong catholic woman BUT the worst thing you ca do to a child is have them grow up with fear. I was afraid if so many things and my mother didn't instill trust in me either so here I am now as a 23 year old woman with Panic disorder, Obsessions, and major depressive disorder and I wonder why this is? This is because I grew up with fear, doubt and no trust. Don't get me wrong my childhood was not bad. I was never molested, beaten, neglected BUT there were some major traumatic things that have happened to me and it revolves around fear and my mother. I used ti be so scared of my mother. Anyway, I realize NOW i have all these issues because of my childhood. I have had crippling self doubt with my own recovery and what ifs and fear fear fear basically all leading to me not trusting myself. If i trusted myself and had that kind of confidence I'd be a different person. I have to ask people around me if Im going to be ok.Anyway, I finally decided to go back on anti depressants. It is week 3 now and lwt me tell you this is VERY hard for me to tell anyone , but i feel like I am doing better -knock on wood- I still DEF have my moments for sure but i feel like i can cope with them better and find some of it more annoying then have that hopeless feeling i used to get. I do notice I get some derealization and that can be very scary but i am dealing with it. Yesterday it freaked me out and i was very very fearful and thought i was going crazy BUT it went away and i didnt dwell on it. WEIRD. I usually dwell on everything that is bad. Im not saying that I am cured. Not at all. its only been 3 weeks anyway. . . But I am seeing some improvement. I have my very bad week (week right before my period. I have severe pmdd) and that is hell but I am realizing I can get over things and a lot quicker too. it's strange. I wish wish wish I had started anti depressants months ago! like right when i had my panic attack in march i should have went to a dr and gotten on meds and not let it go as far as i did. Believe me this has been a rough rough year. SO basically I am just letting you all know I see some improvement. I also take ativan 3 times a day with the meds. I noticed I don't need it as much as i used to. . . I am hoping and praying that the anti depressants will work better the more i take them and i start to not even have anxiety. I mean my kind of anxiety. the intense kind. I dont mind the normal healthy kind of anxiety. so anyway, thanks for reading everyone and if anyone has any input it'd be great. I do experience derealization w/ these is that normal? I think it may be. And i take pristiq 50mgs.Like I said, for anyone considering an anti depressant, its worth a try! I wish i did it a looong time ago.

Hi Holly,

I must say your post has a much calmer tone to it than even a week ago. Keep doing what your doing..it seems to be working!!!

Best Wishes,
Thanks for sharing, I can relate to the Mother issues very well.

God Bless

Hi Holly, you sound much better than you did a little while ago. Im happy for you. I have pmdd and it is absolute hell also. I am taking a natural and anti-depressant ( its been about 3 weeks) and Im hoping it will also help the pmdd. I also had a lot of fear ( molestation by my biological father)in my life as a child but I thought that was normal until I started to get older. Then I just wondered what was wrong with me and why couldnt I be like everyone else.
Im only just beginning to see how anxious I have been ever since I was a small child and why i have such control issues.

Holly, I am soooooooo happy to read that the Prestiq is working for you...YAY!!!

I can relate to your story of your childhood... almost as if we grew up in the same household, right down to our good Catholic mothers! However, I too, experienced the same feelings you did... sad, but true!

Gosh, I got so excited reading your post, as I know how difficult it was for you to start the meds. Keep on truckin', girl... you do have a much calmer tone, but that comes with a calming of the mind... soooooo happy for you!! And, I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

You sound like a changing woman. I am so glad you starting to see results, should get better from here.

Thank you all for reading. I went out to dinner with my best friend last night and she said "Holly I'm not just saying this, but you are doing waaayy better!" You know how sometimes you may not see your own great results yet when someone tells you you're like "WAIT, you're right!!!" And I appreciate all of your support and encouragement. Like I said I still have my moments of doubt, what ifs and fears BUT I seem to not dwell on it ALL day and than leading to the next and so forth. . If these medicines work better and keep me stable I will stay on them for as long as I need to!! Piper, I have come to realize too how anxious I have always been even as a child and I stop and think " Thats was because of anxiety!" Crazy! So Yesterday I was feeling pretty good I got s hair cut and it looks sooo cute and I feel like here comes a better version of me!! ha ha. I Just hope this med will keep on working and maybe soon i wont even have irrational what ifs, doubts and fears. Thank you everyone who keeps up with my posts. I am beginning to feel more like my REAL self again. .

WOW, good for you Holly!

Which anti depressant are you on?
Did you have derealization before trying the med?
I am thinking about trying lexapro but I am afraid it will give me derealization.
Could you describe your DR.
I get it and I hate it : (

Hopefully I will get up the nerve to try the med. I want my life back. I have come a long way but I think the med may be the thing to really help me in the long run.

Thanks,

Coco : )