Hi all,
My name is Brian, I'm 38 years old and I have been dealing with chronic depression and anxiety since the age of 6-7 according to the shrink. I grew up in a physical/mental abusive household. I was an alcoholic/addict since my teenage years and have been sober for 6 years. In 2015 I had shattered elbows, a misaligned jaw, swollen shut left eye, huge hematoma above my left eye and my genitals were black and blue. I jumped from approximately 20 feet to what should have been my death. I was at a punk show and was drugged with synthetic PCP according to the hospital. This happened in 2015. I was on pain pills for about 3 years.
I've been having panic attacks and bad depression for about 2 years now. Last year I went to the local doctor and was prescribed depression and anxiety meds. About two moths later the prescription was upped. A month later I was sent to a shrink and my prescriptions were changed. Two months later my prescription was upped. A month later he wanted to add another pill. By this time I had had enough. I stopped seeing the shrink and my wife set up blood work to be done.
The results came back that I had extremely low testosterone and I'm pre diabetic. My wife started wheening me off of the prescribed drugs and got me all natural testosterone booster. Even though the booster pills were working, my testosterone was still low. Last month my wife set up an appointment with an endocrinologist. The doctor wanted me off of booster pills, the blood labs redone, and an set up for January. My wife and I both agreed that I didn't want to stop the booster pills.
I haven't been to work in 3 weeks. Last week my wife set up an appointment with a specialist that's 4 hours away. The specialist said that the endocrinologist didn't do her/his job and set me up with testosterone injections. He was suprised I haven't hurt myself yet. I'm waiting for the testosterone in the mail. Currently I'm stuck on cd #3 and I'm trying to be more positive. Every day I wake up and cry. I go for a walk and listen to relaxing music. I'm tired of this roller coaster ride from hell and I'm desperately trying to get off.
Hello
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coachchris
- Posts: 757
- Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm
Re: Hello
Hello Brian,
Thank you for writing and introducing yourself. Sharing our stories is an important/powerful step in healing. You are one strong man!
Great job on you and your wife persevering and getting a second opinion on the low hormones. Hormones are so key for both men and women. Keep us posted on how the injections go. I have seen many men have really good success with testosterone injections.
Congratulations on sobriety. Did you work a 12 step program and How did you hear about the anxiety program?
I look forward to your reply.
CC
Thank you for writing and introducing yourself. Sharing our stories is an important/powerful step in healing. You are one strong man!
Great job on you and your wife persevering and getting a second opinion on the low hormones. Hormones are so key for both men and women. Keep us posted on how the injections go. I have seen many men have really good success with testosterone injections.
Congratulations on sobriety. Did you work a 12 step program and How did you hear about the anxiety program?
I look forward to your reply.
CC
Coach Chris
coachchris@stresscenter.com
coachchris@stresscenter.com
Re: Hello
Hi Chris,
Thank you for the complements. I will definitely keep you updated on the shots.
I tried sobriety on my own, but after 2-3 weeks I sought out a 12 step program and it changed my life. I need to get back in it again.
I found out about the program through a co-worker who had been through the cd's and completed them. He spoke highly about it, and I'd figured I'd try it out since I'm kinda out of options. The program has been working for me, but I'm stuck on disc 3.
Thank you for the complements. I will definitely keep you updated on the shots.
I tried sobriety on my own, but after 2-3 weeks I sought out a 12 step program and it changed my life. I need to get back in it again.
I found out about the program through a co-worker who had been through the cd's and completed them. He spoke highly about it, and I'd figured I'd try it out since I'm kinda out of options. The program has been working for me, but I'm stuck on disc 3.
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Bryce_in_TX
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:04 pm
- Location: Wichita Falls, TX
- Contact:
Re: Hello
Hi Brian. Glad you found the Combatting Stress and Depression Program. Sorry for the hurt that you've experienced early in your life.
I had panic attacks at 18 to 19 accompanied with depression and was put on a lot of meds for it and hospitalized for it. After a year and a half I was able to work off of the meds while I was going to college. Never have had another panic episode since. But at 27 I came down with depression again and had it and some anxiety until I was 52. At that point the anxiety was gone but I was still clinically depressed. I found the program when I was 50 and worked with it for about 4 or 5 years. It helped me immensely. I just turned 70. I've been off all depression meds now for 2 years. I know I'm still susceptible to depression and anxiety so I try and monitor my thoughts and how I'm feeling emotionally. Anyway, the program is based on cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. It's been shown to be as effective as medicine for depression in clinical trials, a number of them.
You aren't alone in the struggle with this. Many people struggle with either panic and anxiety or depression or both. I don't know what you are struggling with on CD 3 on self esteem but you deserve to get better. We are all born with God given self worth and whether or not that was communicated to you by your parents doesn't change that fact.
People get involved with alcohol or drugs a lot of the time because of the pain they have experienced from their home. That seems to be pretty common. Congratulations on breaking free of that.
I would encourage you to stay on CD 3 for as long as you feel you need to. It's a key concept, in my opinion. It sounds like you didn't feel loved as you were growing up, so you may have been taught to hate yourself instead of love yourself. That may be what you learned growing up? Just guessing. That's a lie, Brian. We all need to learn to love ourselves, not because of what we do but based on unconditional love for ourselves. It took me a long time to really believe that. It's true, however. Our self worth can't be taken away, ever.
I hope you'll journal the thoughts causing you so much pain and seek to find loving and compassionate thoughts to replace the painful and negative ones. It can take time to learn how to do this. One book that helped me along the way, in addition to friends I met on this forum, is Dr. David Burns' book, "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy". It mirrors what is taught in the program. HE wrote several books on self esteem and depression. He also wrote one on Panic and Anxiety. Both that book and the program were a good map for me to get better.
Welcome to the forum and I hope you'll be patient with the program and with yourself. There are many coping skills but they can take time to become effective. I wish you the best in your journey to feel better. If you get stuck just post questions here on the forum. Hopefully someone can help. We had 4 people in chat last night. Monday night chat is at 7 pm central time. It's a good way to connect and get to know others going through similar challenges. Hope you feel better soon and that you will find hope in the program and in finding people here to encourage you. You deserve to feel better.
I had panic attacks at 18 to 19 accompanied with depression and was put on a lot of meds for it and hospitalized for it. After a year and a half I was able to work off of the meds while I was going to college. Never have had another panic episode since. But at 27 I came down with depression again and had it and some anxiety until I was 52. At that point the anxiety was gone but I was still clinically depressed. I found the program when I was 50 and worked with it for about 4 or 5 years. It helped me immensely. I just turned 70. I've been off all depression meds now for 2 years. I know I'm still susceptible to depression and anxiety so I try and monitor my thoughts and how I'm feeling emotionally. Anyway, the program is based on cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. It's been shown to be as effective as medicine for depression in clinical trials, a number of them.
You aren't alone in the struggle with this. Many people struggle with either panic and anxiety or depression or both. I don't know what you are struggling with on CD 3 on self esteem but you deserve to get better. We are all born with God given self worth and whether or not that was communicated to you by your parents doesn't change that fact.
People get involved with alcohol or drugs a lot of the time because of the pain they have experienced from their home. That seems to be pretty common. Congratulations on breaking free of that.
I would encourage you to stay on CD 3 for as long as you feel you need to. It's a key concept, in my opinion. It sounds like you didn't feel loved as you were growing up, so you may have been taught to hate yourself instead of love yourself. That may be what you learned growing up? Just guessing. That's a lie, Brian. We all need to learn to love ourselves, not because of what we do but based on unconditional love for ourselves. It took me a long time to really believe that. It's true, however. Our self worth can't be taken away, ever.
I hope you'll journal the thoughts causing you so much pain and seek to find loving and compassionate thoughts to replace the painful and negative ones. It can take time to learn how to do this. One book that helped me along the way, in addition to friends I met on this forum, is Dr. David Burns' book, "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy". It mirrors what is taught in the program. HE wrote several books on self esteem and depression. He also wrote one on Panic and Anxiety. Both that book and the program were a good map for me to get better.
Welcome to the forum and I hope you'll be patient with the program and with yourself. There are many coping skills but they can take time to become effective. I wish you the best in your journey to feel better. If you get stuck just post questions here on the forum. Hopefully someone can help. We had 4 people in chat last night. Monday night chat is at 7 pm central time. It's a good way to connect and get to know others going through similar challenges. Hope you feel better soon and that you will find hope in the program and in finding people here to encourage you. You deserve to feel better.
"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."
Napoleon Hill
Napoleon Hill
Re: Hello
Thank you Bryce,
You're pretty spot on with your assumption. Every day is a battle. Thank you for your encouragement, i will definitely check out the chat. I think that's what I need, to talk to people who are going through this in a live situation. Thank you very much Bryce, I hope you have a wonderful day.
Brian
I have been writing down my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
You're pretty spot on with your assumption. Every day is a battle. Thank you for your encouragement, i will definitely check out the chat. I think that's what I need, to talk to people who are going through this in a live situation. Thank you very much Bryce, I hope you have a wonderful day.
Brian
I have been writing down my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
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Bryce_in_TX
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:04 pm
- Location: Wichita Falls, TX
- Contact:
Re: Hello
I had a good childhood. My Dad was my Little League baseball coach for about 5 or 6 years. I had loving, understanding parents. Yet, I can identify with those who were abused as children. I have character attributes similar to those adults who grew up in abusive homes. I had panic attacks with clinical depression at 18, clinical depression from 27 to 68, some severe and some very mild and all shades in between. I had no self-esteem off the basketball court. I was painfully shy and introverted. Most of my jobs were failures until finding CBT. (most but not all) I became an alcoholic somewhere between 32 and 34. I had suicidal thoughts several times.
So, I understand the struggle to "feel deserving". I was unmercifully hard on myself when I made mistakes. I regarded getting fired from a job as "the end of the world."
So, here is one tactic to overcoming the internal critic inside. It comes from Dr. Burns' book " Ten Days to Self-Esteem", page 98:
"We are often much harder on ourselves than others. After you write down your Negative Thoughts, you can ask yourself, 'Would I say this to a friend with a similar problem? Why not? What would I say to him or her?' You will often discover that you operate on a double standard -- you have a realistic, fair, compassionate set of standards that you apply to other people whom you care about. You encourage them when they fail or when they are suffering. In contrast, you may have a stern, harsh, unrealistic set of standards that you apply to yourself. You beat yourself up relentlessly, as if this would somehow help you achieve perfection or become a better person. One secret of self-esteem is simply to make the decision to talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to a beloved friend who was upset."
On coming up with a replacement thought for the negative thought, Burns says the thought should be
(1) Affirming
(2) Absolutely valid and realistic
(3) Should put the lie to the Negative Thought
I know from personal experience that this "really sounds good", but............... we are so in the habit of being our own worst enemy that it takes time for us to really believe that we deserve to feel better.
This is all "learned behavior", as Lucinda says. Because it is learned we can choose to unlearn it and in that process of change our emotions will change and become much more healthy. Our anxiety will be greatly lessened and so will our depression. We'll become much more stable and a lot happier.
There is all the hope in the world for you, Brian. Keep working the program.
So, I understand the struggle to "feel deserving". I was unmercifully hard on myself when I made mistakes. I regarded getting fired from a job as "the end of the world."
So, here is one tactic to overcoming the internal critic inside. It comes from Dr. Burns' book " Ten Days to Self-Esteem", page 98:
"We are often much harder on ourselves than others. After you write down your Negative Thoughts, you can ask yourself, 'Would I say this to a friend with a similar problem? Why not? What would I say to him or her?' You will often discover that you operate on a double standard -- you have a realistic, fair, compassionate set of standards that you apply to other people whom you care about. You encourage them when they fail or when they are suffering. In contrast, you may have a stern, harsh, unrealistic set of standards that you apply to yourself. You beat yourself up relentlessly, as if this would somehow help you achieve perfection or become a better person. One secret of self-esteem is simply to make the decision to talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to a beloved friend who was upset."
On coming up with a replacement thought for the negative thought, Burns says the thought should be
(1) Affirming
(2) Absolutely valid and realistic
(3) Should put the lie to the Negative Thought
I know from personal experience that this "really sounds good", but............... we are so in the habit of being our own worst enemy that it takes time for us to really believe that we deserve to feel better.
This is all "learned behavior", as Lucinda says. Because it is learned we can choose to unlearn it and in that process of change our emotions will change and become much more healthy. Our anxiety will be greatly lessened and so will our depression. We'll become much more stable and a lot happier.
There is all the hope in the world for you, Brian. Keep working the program.
"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."
Napoleon Hill
Napoleon Hill
Re: Hello
Yes, I am still hard on myself, but I'm learning to not be so hard. I totally get what you're saying. I was a master certified automotive tech for 8 or 9 years and dodge Viper certified, yet I still thought I wasn't good enough, even though I was one of the best techs in town. It took being disabled to realize what I was and what I accomplished, but after depression and anxiety kicked in, those positive thoughts vanished. Reflecting has helped a bit and my doctor recommended Marisa Peer. She's amazing and that has also helped with my positive feelings again.
Thank you for sharing with me, I feel like we have been through some very similar situations. Being a perfectionist, alcoholic, played little league for a long time, clinicaly depressed at a young age, getting over it and then relapsing. I would like to type some more, but I must get ready for bed. I will look into the names that you've mentioned. Thank you Bryce, much appreciated.
Brian
Thank you for sharing with me, I feel like we have been through some very similar situations. Being a perfectionist, alcoholic, played little league for a long time, clinicaly depressed at a young age, getting over it and then relapsing. I would like to type some more, but I must get ready for bed. I will look into the names that you've mentioned. Thank you Bryce, much appreciated.
Brian