social phobia

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melilyn
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:49 am

Post by melilyn » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:57 am

I have finished the program and I have seen much improvement in many areas. My biggest issues are talking with people in group situations. I am very uncomfortable speaking to others in these situations even though I have known them for almost 10 years. I'm not talking about giving speeches although that will be a huge challenge, but even chatting in small groups. I'm wondering why this causes so much panic.

Skipper
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 8:31 pm

Post by Skipper » Tue Apr 07, 2009 6:19 am

Hello! I don't have the answer to your question but I'm dealing with the same thing!This is one thing that I can't figure out because like you it happens around people that I know well too.Even family!I'm thinking that it's the feeling of being trapped.That stupid fight or flight feeling.Why it happens has me stuck though.Any of you that have had trouble like this and have any advice would be great to hear from you.Thanks and God bless!!

heisthegreatphysician
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:47 pm

Post by heisthegreatphysician » Wed Apr 15, 2009 3:51 am

Thanks for responding. It's nice to know I'm not alone, although I don't wish this problem on anyone. I had some success this weekend where I could speak in a roundtable type setting. I was very anxious, but I was at least able to speak. Instead of beating myself up for my face turning bright red, I gave myself compliments for speaking.

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:52 am

I also have this same issue about speaking in group situations.I am most of the time really good at bonding with people one on one but I feel like I am under pressure when I speak in group situations.I think I focus so much on what I think other people are thinking about me that I can't relax and let the conversation flow.I think that I have to be perfect all of the time and I am never good enough.I have a fear of social embarrassment and that has alot to do with it.I have came a long way since I have received the program and I am proud of my accomplishments and everyone else's in this program.I think what it comes down to is not giving people's opinion's of us any validity or what we think peoples opinions of us are.Most of the time what our reality is isn't the reality of the situation it's what we tell ourselves our negative self talk.Love ourselves unconditionally and give ourselves positive reinforcement for every little accomplishment that we have.I also know what has helped me is not giving these thoughts any power over me.Tell yourself that these thoughts that we have about ourselves are just thoughts.The positive thoughts that we give ourselves are the true one's.We are good in social situation's!We can talk to anyone!We have control over our anxiety!We have control over our thought's!We get approval from ourselves no one else!We are special and unique individuals!Its just anxiety let it past and it will go away!Love ourselves and Love life!

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:03 am

This is something that i two am struggeling with. Although i think things are getting much better. My oppinion on it is that it's a learned behavour, much like a really bad habit. I think we originally stopped being social because of low self esteem, and now that we are over that hump, we still hold on to the safety net that we created. I had a few situations lately that i just whent for, and i felt so good about myself. I think if you just do it and not think about it, you'll slowly start to come around. That's what i'm fixing on doing. I'm not quite there yet, but i feel that i'm in the right direction. Try listening to session 8 again, it's about being assertive.

Bill

Guest

Post by Guest » Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:49 pm

I definitely shy away some times from group situations. I feel as if I might not have anything interesting to say. I still do go out and do try to give an opinion when it does matter. :p

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:51 am

I also used to have this problem when I was experiencing constant anxiety and panic attacks. I finished the program in Oct. 2007

I just relistened to Lesson 12 about the courage to change and one thing that popped out at me this time was giving yourself permission to leave a situation if you feel uncomfortable. The young man used to have trouble in church. He would start by standing at the back of the church and say to himself that he could always leave if he felt uncomfortable. Or when I drove telling myself I could always pull over to the side of the road if I felt anxious and do some breathing. That made all the difference. Like Lucinda says in the tape, you are getting the control back that you want (and don't feel like you have when you are anxious and panicky).

Check out your self talk when you are in the group. Is it positive or are you berating yourself, focusing on body symptoms and thinking everyone else knows what they are doing and you don't? I suggest when you are in the group focus on the color of someone's shirt. What does it remind you of? Is it a happy memory/thought? Or look at the shoes, what the shoes saying about the people? Imagine everyone in slippers, what kind would they wear? The point is to get the focus off you and into the precious present which is having fun with the conversation.

I have to say, my own panic was getting so bad I was even having trouble talking with the most unassuming men at the feed store! LOL. I could barely spit out that I need some chick feed or goat pellets. :p Now when I feel anxious for anything I say, "the symptoms are uncomfortable, but their is no danger." I start breathing and then I'm okay. I hope this helps you feel encouraged.

Peace be with you.

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