Obsessive Scary Thoughts

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baileybandit
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:09 pm

Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by baileybandit » Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:24 pm

Dear Other Anxiety Thinkers,

I have been having obsessive scary thoughts for the past 2 1/2 months. I have never had an obsessive thought or much anxiety my whole life. I'm only 23, and after I started teaching and living in the REAL WORLD, things got tough. My hubby is a cop and thats where it all started. My hubby has been a cop for over 3 years. It never bothered me much until this December. He tells me the stories from time to time...they never bothered me before. Then one murder scene did me in. I was obsessively thinking about it! Thinking how people could be soo twisted and sick to kill others. One thought went to another and suddenly I was thinking I was going to hurt my husband. Deep down in my heart I knew it was not true but I had a million "what ifs."

I started watching the Lucinda tapes. My Dad has anxiety and they helped a lot. The obsessive scary thoughts chapter really helped. I thought I was the only one out there that had this problem. I thought oh great, I'm going to jail or an padded room and I had done nothing wrong at all! I was already thinking I was a criminal for these thoughts.

I also started counseling. The counseling helped but the thoughts are still there. I always try to fall back into God, as I think the really only solution to solve this problem is to rely fully on God, not myself. Being an artist, I have one of the biggest imaginations. This did not help my thoughts. I have these horrible visions of hurting my husband. Sometimes they were so bad I had to get the heck outta there and I ran off to my parents. They only live 5 blocks away from me. My husband is my favorite person ever and I have no reason why I'm having these thoughts about him.

Everything bothers me. I can't watch anything on tv anymore unless its a cartoon or a comedy. My husband likes to play Call to Duty and I can't stand it either. Each day is getting better but I just want to get rid of these thoughts. I know I'm not crazy anymore but still think all the "what ifs."

I came on here to just get some helpful suggestions and support. I'm hoping someone will reply and be my support buddy. I'm going to drop out of my counseling sessions because I'm not really liking the counseling. It has actually made me doubt things more. Plus, its expensive.

Hope to hear some great things soon! I love supportive Bible verses also!

baileybandit
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:09 pm

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by baileybandit » Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:56 pm

No one really replies on here huh?!?!

cj20520
Posts: 45
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:40 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by cj20520 » Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:44 am

Everyone looks here for support and usually get it. It is a great resource for strength.

Your scary thoughts are just that, thoughts. You have to remind yourself that they are not real. Go back to the basics and do your breathing techniques and start replacing those thoughts with positive ones. Ask God to give you those good thoughts. I pray every morning that God will sanctify my imagination so i dont have those thoughts. I bind them and banish them in Jesus name. He is the authority in heaven and on earth and so give it to him. He will accept it gracefully.

Let Go and Let God ...
cj

coach21
Posts: 65
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:01 pm

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by coach21 » Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:49 am

Hello baileybandit,

Could not help responding to your post in that scary thoughts of hurting loved ones were one of my symptoms of anxiety. I'd like to share what I've learned as per this symptom. Reality is we were born very analytical and sensitive. Two great traits but when used in a counter productive manner creates anxiety. Every human has obscure thoughts of that nature especially spouses of law enforcement personnell. However, we were born a little more sensitive to negtive stimuli i.e. disturbing news reports; disturbing movies; disturbing stories in law enforcement. We hear a story of that nature and naturally pose a question to ourselves "How could people be soo twisted and sick to kill others.". A question any rational human would pose to themself upon digesting a story of that sort. We chase that thought down in a counterproductive analytical nature i.e. "One thought went to another and suddenly I thought I was going to hurt my husband..." ultimately inserting question marks where God put periods.

We continue to react to these thoughts in the same manner establishing and reinforcing irrational "what if's" creating a circle of anxiety i.e. "I'm going to jail or padded room........thinking I was a criminal for these thoughts.". We've successfully thought ourselves into a bad habit and become frustrated. Good news is if you are capable of thinking yourself into anxiety, you have the capability to think yourself out. Recovery from anxiety takes education, patience and sustained effort. With a sound recovery plan you'll eliminate debilitating anxiety and re-establish your confidence.

When we chase these thoughts down in an counterproductive analytical "what if" nature this leads to more variations of the thought i.e. "horrble visions of hurting my husband.....sometime they we so bad I had to get the heck outta here.." and ultimately anxiety, nothing more.

As per your statement "I just want to get rid of these thoughts.." Our goal is to insignificization not elimination. What happens when you try not to think of the sunset? You think of the sunset. Reality is every human get obscure thoughts of this nature. It's o.k.. But how we respond thereafter is the key. Our goal is to implement rational responses to the irrational "what if's" i.e. "I know I'm not crazy anymore but still think all the what if's..."

Let's start with some facts:
1) Reality is the mere fact that I initially responded with anxiety as per these thoughts is pure evidence I am of sane mind. 2) Those who are capable of carrying out thoughts of that nature are pathological and find comfort in these thoughts.They obviously would be nowhere near this website reaching out for help.
3) Reality is those who are going crazy (a common initial fear) have no idea they are and were not born with the capability to assimilate. You were.

I am employed as a coach for the StressCenter.com and do alot of peer support as per this symptom af anxiety. REALITY IS YOU POSSESS THE CAPABILITY TO RECOVER COMPLETELY. God want us to "thrive" not "survive". E-Mail me anytime for support. God Bless and GO FOR IT!!

baileybandit
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:09 pm

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by baileybandit » Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:40 pm

Thanks! How long did it take you two to be able to blow these thoughts off? I have to remind myself that the days are getting better even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I had a few set backs actually by people I trusted. My counselor I was seeing did some clinical hypnosis. However, her weirdo hypnosis was scary! I was sitting in the chair reclined listening to her say, SO WHAT IF I END UP IN A MENTAL INSTITUTE...I was like what?? NO, I don't want to go there. Lucinda's relaxation tape is the best! She was also making me feel like there was something wrong with my marriage and thats why I was having these thoughts. That made the thoughts worse! My husband works a lot and different shifts as I am a teacher and he's a cop. It is hard to be together which makes me sad but I think we are happily married. It was hard to hear that there was possibly something wrong in our marriage when we have only been married for a year and four months.

Then I talked to a close friend about my problem. She made me feel worse. One of the counselor's I had seen before the weird one had told me that people who have these thoughts that act out on them have trauma they went through. I was telling my friend that this statement gave me comfort. She proceeded to tell me "Well in my abnormal psychology class we are studying this guy who molested and kill many kids and people and was physical with the corpse." I was soo freaked out I felt like I was going to have a full blown panic attack! Thankfully I controlled it and didn't. I HATE hearing this stuff. It freaks me out and gives me the stupid "what if" thinking. I hate even typing about it!

Anyhow so last night I was all upset about it. I started having "what if" thinking about hurting myself because I just wanted to get away from all these thoughts. I kept praying and saying well that would be very selfish. I would be soo upset if my husband hurt himself and left me. I felt relief and did my Lucinda relaxation tape. However, I keep having nightmares. USually they are not as scary as my thoughts. Usually the dreams are scary but I always prove how I'm sane in them and would never hurt anyone. I had a person who was bi-polar in my dream and I was trying to counsel them. However, I woke up all upset and thought oh no, what if I'm bi-polar.

I feel like a loss for counseling. I do seriously feel like I want to let go, let God. I think I'm the only one with hard work and support that can change this! Your right coach, if I can have these thoughts, I can get RID of them!!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to talk on her daily as it makes me feel better. I see there is a chat button but it doesn't work. I'm new to this site as I have only been on here for a few days. I really need this support right now as I'm going to quit my counseling service with the lady that is not helping. I'm not sure if I should go back to my old counselor or just save some money, which is much needed right now.

Sorry this is very long! I have soo much to say but this is all for now. Like I said, it is hard to even write this stuff down sometimes but I DESPERATELY WANT to get better :)

You guys are the best and hope to hear from you daily. God Bless.

Do not be anxious about anything but with everything through pray and petition turn your requests to God. And by the grace of God, which transcends all understanding, he will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. -The verse that always helps!

sophia1
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:12 pm

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by sophia1 » Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:16 pm

Hi,

Your life and story are similar tim mine. I am a teacher and my husband is a police officer and I to suffer from Obsessive scary thoughts. They have gone from Chrohns disease, Schizophrenia, being possessed, losing control, harming my family. Anything that cam happen I think about. This has caused me to lose out on a lot of wonderful things in my life and I am sad for that. I know this has to get better!

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Obsessive Scary Thoughts

Post by Paisleegreen » Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:40 pm

Hi Sophia, I'm glad to hear from you and hope that ballybandit is doing okay, It seems that not many people post on Session 15.
I believe it does get better, my scary thoughts are a bit different, but they are still scary and I can't watch scary shows either.

My mind is too imaginative...it was worse when I was at my most anxious state, but has lessen as I have worked the program. Hope you have a good evening. Paislee :mrgreen:

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