Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:54 am
Jan 11 2009 (The Realization)
So Yestaurday I woke up feeling just plain aweful..I had done Karaoke last night with a few friends along with some drinking games...I lost the drinking game which usually happens regardless of what game it is. I ended up getting a hangover from that and I spent alot of time napping and I watched a few episodes of Xena. One thing that caught my attention is when Gabriel was telling someone that Xena does the things that she feels is the right thing even if it hurts her. Why that caught my attention I really didn't know at the time. I figured out why later though.
I went out to a friend's birthday party and there were many people there that I didn't know and so I was feeling a little nervous and there were 2 girls sitting by themselves just talking to each other...I got such a bad vibe from them and so I didn't spend too much time with them. I later noticed that they would point to people or look directly at people (myself included) and then whisper to themselves about that person. It's extremely rude but hey, that kind of behavior takes away from their reputation and can hurt them more than the person they're judging. That's too bad because they isolated themselves away from everybody else and we could have had even more fun if they joined us in the party games we were playing.
Later on, somehow I got into a conversation with a friend of my friend who I met at the New Years Eve party and we ended up talking about my family and she was very inqusitive about my relationship with my family. I let her know that I hadn't spoken with them for 5 years and she asked what happened and I let her know that I was taken advantage of by a family member and that nobody believed me. I have no idea how we got into the subject of this person's funeral but she suggested that I tell everybody what happened at the funeral and to do it for myself. I was against the idea but after everybody went to bed the situation just kept going on and on in my head. I have to do it...but not for myself. I just know that I have to do it for all the other people who went through the same thing as I did...I need to end that cycle as we all know that history can repeat itself. The suffering of one person does spread to other people and it isn't uncommon to adapt the same habits as the ones that hurt us if we don't face them. I also feel very very strongly that I need to do it for the person who did these bad things to me. I don't have any proof of anything after lifish but I feel so strongly that I would put my life on the line to say that the guilt of the person's actions will keep them stuck between this world and the afterlife If I don't say it. I most likely will get very emotional up there infront of everybody and it will probabbly hurt many many people and I'm sure many people won't believe what I have to say. It could lead to losing more people but I have to do this...even if it was the last thing I did. I would still do it! Besides the strong feelings that I feel about this right now, there is a commercial that keeps coming on tv about child abuse where this kid is testifying against his father in the court room and I've never seen this commerical until today. I also have a really strong feeling that He will pass away in the next 2-5 years.
I feel like there is going to be alot more stress in my life and If I'm going to face these things, I'm going to have to spend alot more time sleeping for the next little while. It's about time I start to get myself to a state where I can face my responsibilities more head on.
Mike
So Yestaurday I woke up feeling just plain aweful..I had done Karaoke last night with a few friends along with some drinking games...I lost the drinking game which usually happens regardless of what game it is. I ended up getting a hangover from that and I spent alot of time napping and I watched a few episodes of Xena. One thing that caught my attention is when Gabriel was telling someone that Xena does the things that she feels is the right thing even if it hurts her. Why that caught my attention I really didn't know at the time. I figured out why later though.
I went out to a friend's birthday party and there were many people there that I didn't know and so I was feeling a little nervous and there were 2 girls sitting by themselves just talking to each other...I got such a bad vibe from them and so I didn't spend too much time with them. I later noticed that they would point to people or look directly at people (myself included) and then whisper to themselves about that person. It's extremely rude but hey, that kind of behavior takes away from their reputation and can hurt them more than the person they're judging. That's too bad because they isolated themselves away from everybody else and we could have had even more fun if they joined us in the party games we were playing.
Later on, somehow I got into a conversation with a friend of my friend who I met at the New Years Eve party and we ended up talking about my family and she was very inqusitive about my relationship with my family. I let her know that I hadn't spoken with them for 5 years and she asked what happened and I let her know that I was taken advantage of by a family member and that nobody believed me. I have no idea how we got into the subject of this person's funeral but she suggested that I tell everybody what happened at the funeral and to do it for myself. I was against the idea but after everybody went to bed the situation just kept going on and on in my head. I have to do it...but not for myself. I just know that I have to do it for all the other people who went through the same thing as I did...I need to end that cycle as we all know that history can repeat itself. The suffering of one person does spread to other people and it isn't uncommon to adapt the same habits as the ones that hurt us if we don't face them. I also feel very very strongly that I need to do it for the person who did these bad things to me. I don't have any proof of anything after lifish but I feel so strongly that I would put my life on the line to say that the guilt of the person's actions will keep them stuck between this world and the afterlife If I don't say it. I most likely will get very emotional up there infront of everybody and it will probabbly hurt many many people and I'm sure many people won't believe what I have to say. It could lead to losing more people but I have to do this...even if it was the last thing I did. I would still do it! Besides the strong feelings that I feel about this right now, there is a commercial that keeps coming on tv about child abuse where this kid is testifying against his father in the court room and I've never seen this commerical until today. I also have a really strong feeling that He will pass away in the next 2-5 years.
I feel like there is going to be alot more stress in my life and If I'm going to face these things, I'm going to have to spend alot more time sleeping for the next little while. It's about time I start to get myself to a state where I can face my responsibilities more head on.
Mike