Stress Center Peer Support

I am 19 years old and a type 1 diabetic. it has been a really hard and tramatic life for me for the past couple of years now. i was diagnosed with diabetes in 5th grade but it has just been recent years when i have had to deal with depression/panic attacks/and anxiety also.

when i was first diagnosed i did the best i could to stay in control and for the most part was. it wasnt untill the end of middle school and the beginnig of high school when things started to change. i realized i didnt want to be diabetic anymore and was determined to not be diabetic. i would skip my insulin, never check my blood sugars and would just average blood sugars of 400 or so. i knew the consequences of my actions but i couldnt stop. i got use to the feeling of high blood sugars and was fine with them. i felt worse if i ever was in a normal range.

in high school kids would make fun of me, pull and tug on my insulin pump, call me a robot, make diabetic jokes and all i could do is laugh and pretend it didnt effect me when it really did.

this is when my depression and everything hit home for me. it was like i could never get away from anything. i felt boxed in and nowhere to go. i dreaded going to school and would make myself sick so i wouldnt be able to go. just the thought of going to school would make me freak out. i felt hated and different and that nobody understood me. i became very unsociable and turned away from anybody trying to help me. i took my anger out on my friends and family.

i am in college now and still suffer from depression and everything. i feel like i have messed up so much in the past with my blood sugars and everything that its just a matter of time before all the horrible things that can happen to diabetics will kick in like blindness and amputation or kidney disease or even death. i fear having seizures again in public when nobody will know what to do. and the scariest thing of all is that i have thought about committing suicide before (not recently) just becuase i feel overwhelmed with all my thoughts and everything in life and i just cant live this way anymore. if anyone has any advice that would be very helpful
thank you

go back to "anyone out there type 1 diabetic".
I forgot one thing though - harmones. During the time you have had so much trouble is when your harmones have been really playing hard with your body and make it harder to control sugars. Every month at your time will need a little extra insulin also. You need a really good doctor to work with you to set your doses up for the differing needs of your cycles and life style. It can be worked out with help from the right people.

As far as your worry about becoming blind ect... Long term effects of Diabetes. I really would not dwell on that (easier said than done) My mom and Aunt are both diabetic. My mom has never taken care of her diabetes well and she is totally fine with no long term effects. (I dont recommend that) My aunt has taken care of hers and by talking to her she has had a very hard time dealing with it also. She was diagnosed when she was 12 and is now 40. Diabetes is a hard diease to deal with but can be very manageable.You seem like a very strong girl. Dont worry you will come out of this anxiety and depression. If you have delt with living with diabetes since you were that wrong. There is nothing you cant handle. You have obviously come this far. Give yourself some credit. You are much stronger than you think.