Has anyone dealt with a parent having cancer?
The gravity of the emotions and the stresses associated with my mom's recent diagnoses with stage 3 breast cancer has caused me to experience anxiety and panic and bewilderment and unreality. I went through the program almost 2 years ago and I forgot how to deal with alot of these feelings so I am re-doing the program.
Anyone been in this situation and want to share some advice?
A parent with cancer
-
Guest
Hi Ashlee:
I dealt with my son having cancer. It wasn't easy. But this is where we have to rely on our faith. Of course I was numb a lot.
But after a lot of chemo and radiation, he is free of cancer now. He is 57.
Then I got the surprise of my life. I went for a mamogram after not having one for a number of years. They found cancer in left breast right away.
Yes, my children were so scared and sad about it.
But I reaassured them that I'd already lived a fairly long life and that whatever happened was okay and told them not to worry. I had a very positive attitude about the whole thing. I had had a neice that survived ovarian cancer, my son surviving throat and tongue cancer, another neice surviving thryroid cancer. My neices and my son are cancer free.
I had the left breast removed in January. The cancer in it was 3 centimeters. They removed some symph nodes too.
What I'm saying, Ashlee, is that people do survive. So it isn't hopeless.
Bless your heart. I know it is hard.
It is one the hardest things to come to terms with.
I will be thinking of you and have said a prayer for you and your mom.
God bless!
MJ
I dealt with my son having cancer. It wasn't easy. But this is where we have to rely on our faith. Of course I was numb a lot.
But after a lot of chemo and radiation, he is free of cancer now. He is 57.
Then I got the surprise of my life. I went for a mamogram after not having one for a number of years. They found cancer in left breast right away.
Yes, my children were so scared and sad about it.
But I reaassured them that I'd already lived a fairly long life and that whatever happened was okay and told them not to worry. I had a very positive attitude about the whole thing. I had had a neice that survived ovarian cancer, my son surviving throat and tongue cancer, another neice surviving thryroid cancer. My neices and my son are cancer free.
I had the left breast removed in January. The cancer in it was 3 centimeters. They removed some symph nodes too.
What I'm saying, Ashlee, is that people do survive. So it isn't hopeless.
Bless your heart. I know it is hard.
It is one the hardest things to come to terms with.
I will be thinking of you and have said a prayer for you and your mom.
God bless!
MJ
-
Guest
MJ
Thank you for your response and you positive insights. I love hearing stoies of survival. I am so glad that you son and nieces are survivors and that you are a survivor as well!
When your son was ill and when you were ill youself did you have a recurrence of your anxiety and panic symptoms? This is the problem that I am dealing with right now. I am re-doing the program to help me deal with the worry and stress that naturally goes along with a situation like this. I have found that the unreality/bewilderment ananxiety are a distraction from the gravity of the situation and a response to the intense stress of it. Did you experience this?
Thans again for you reply
Thank you for your response and you positive insights. I love hearing stoies of survival. I am so glad that you son and nieces are survivors and that you are a survivor as well!
When your son was ill and when you were ill youself did you have a recurrence of your anxiety and panic symptoms? This is the problem that I am dealing with right now. I am re-doing the program to help me deal with the worry and stress that naturally goes along with a situation like this. I have found that the unreality/bewilderment ananxiety are a distraction from the gravity of the situation and a response to the intense stress of it. Did you experience this?Thans again for you reply
-
Guest
Ashley:
Iknow what you are experiencing. And yes, with my son i did that. But I would find myself numb from it all more than anything.
But the anxiety and all other things you speak of, yes, I am having that now. My younger brother is bedfast in nursing home and they've called hospice in, etc. He is likely dying but seems a very slow process. He is very weak.
And going over there, sitting with him, doing what i can for him ........ Yes, it is stressful and I am exeriencing some unreality,
anxiety, sadness, grief, ..... other emotions.
But you know what - some friends on this forum are praying for me. And I am a believer in the hereafter spoken of in the bible.
So my faith helps to sustain me.
I get tired.
I believe that the best thing you can do is to go thru' this program again. And you are doing that.
Also, it was good that you shared on this forum.
God holps us through other people a lot of the time. We really can't live just unto ourselves. Although when we are depressed and anxious we tend to withdraw and stay to ourselves.
Just keep on with the program and I think you'll be okay.
May God be with you as you go thru' this struggle. And give you the strength you need.
My best to you!!
MJ
Iknow what you are experiencing. And yes, with my son i did that. But I would find myself numb from it all more than anything.
But the anxiety and all other things you speak of, yes, I am having that now. My younger brother is bedfast in nursing home and they've called hospice in, etc. He is likely dying but seems a very slow process. He is very weak.
And going over there, sitting with him, doing what i can for him ........ Yes, it is stressful and I am exeriencing some unreality,
anxiety, sadness, grief, ..... other emotions.
But you know what - some friends on this forum are praying for me. And I am a believer in the hereafter spoken of in the bible.
So my faith helps to sustain me.
I get tired.
I believe that the best thing you can do is to go thru' this program again. And you are doing that.
Also, it was good that you shared on this forum.
God holps us through other people a lot of the time. We really can't live just unto ourselves. Although when we are depressed and anxious we tend to withdraw and stay to ourselves.
Just keep on with the program and I think you'll be okay.
May God be with you as you go thru' this struggle. And give you the strength you need.
My best to you!!
MJ
-
Guest
Ashlee, I cannot provide a better, or kinder, response than already given by Mary Jane. Cancer is unique to each person, probably because each of us is entirely unique. I join MJ to encourage you to repeat the program. Find some good supportive friends who will help you along the way. Session 4 is a good one, because it allows us to deal realistically with our expectations. There is no crystal ball for you or your mother, but you have the honored opportunity now to talk with her, listen to her, and if she repeats a story several times, just listen a little bit deeper. My father had cancer. He did pass away two years ago this month. I learned more about him than I'd ever known. He talked about so many of his life's hopes and dreams. Things I didn't know. When he passed, he was peaceful. We cannot control life or death. We can offer up the best of ourselves as children, parents, sibling, friends. This program really truly helped me realize that much of my internal suffering was caused by my wanting to control my father's cancer and make it go away. I could not. It wasn't up to me. What was up to me was simply being there. Listening. Bringing him a cup of coffee. Laughing with him while he remembered the things that made him laugh. I don't know if this helps, but there is peace and comfort you can offer by simply being there for your mother through her treatments, through her recovery. Work this program. Your peaceful calm attitude will be like medicine for her.