The Challenge...Lesson 14

[Paisleegreen]

THH--I understand completely what you are saying! I feel like the Overseer too! My husband is the same way as well. Never will go to the Dr unless I make the appt. That's why they say that married men live longer because they have a wife that takes care of them. I love Big Blue Hostas! I have a few myself. I bought me last year or the year before, the Baby Mouse Ears, some name like that. I don't know if I got it planted. Last year was a wash for me in the garden department due to my "drama" with my son and my first panic attack. It took all the wind out of my sails. But I'm feeling much better now, and now I'm playing catch up and letting go. Paislee

[THH]

Paislee,
LOL... I think your right, and that saying is true! He would never go, I really hate to think of what would happen to him if I didn't look after him. I feel like his handler at times, fielding his calls, keeping him organized, setting out his pills, making vittles.LOL... Its bad enough when I'm down being sick, but to have him wondering around in a fog too is off the hook! LOL.... We have to keep our humor!
I hope that he would surprise me and do really well. I guess one never knows????

I have one of those mouse ear ones too. I had to plant it by a rock so I could find them! Maybe this year will be a really fun year for you in your garden, and with your fish. Maybe this will be the season for you and all the healing that needs done. Maybe this year your garden will out shine all other years! That is my wish for you!
I can't wait to feel the sun and the warmth of its rays. I looked quick like the only day we had not snow on the ground, and seen daffodils popping up. I have lots of different kinds, a few tulips, and I love Hyacinth. I eagerly await the sweet smell of spring...

[Paisleegreen]

Ah...I love Hyacinths! Plus all the other spring bulbs, but Hyacinths have such a sweet aroma, its intoxicating!
I don't have enough of those planted, if the bulbs were cheaper maybe I would have more.

Well, today is the day Dear Father in Law comes to stay for a few days, I will have to share my bed with DH and I will probably end up on the LR couch if he snores. Some other relatives are coming as well, but not at my house, at least one niece thinks she is going to entertain Grandpa all weekend, w/ the help of her BF. She has no idea the condition this man is in, and doing a lot of activity, such as going to a restaurant and having to listen to this niece talk, (she has ADHD and other problems) will probably drive him bonkers. She wants to take lots of photos and video of him. All our concerns are that he has taken a shower and is wearing a clean shirt, which my sis in law bringing him will make sure he uses her shower. I teased her to make sure she scrubs him. She pretty much nixed that idea! LOL!

What DD wants to give their unwilling Father a shower? But eventually that day will come, sooner or later. Its been taking these two sisters a long time to get a CNA to go over and give him a shower. Just like I've talked to you guys about a few months ago. I would have had one over there in a no time, but that is the assertive personality I have. I remember I bought Depends for my Dad, and he was not happy about that! But he was being treated for Cancer and the chemo caused him to have terrible "runs" for 3 days, it was so awful. Although, he needed the Depends before the cancer treatment even started.

It was very hard on him, and in his last days, my sister had to change his "diaper". Since he had recovered enough to move out of state to his home town and ended up having the cancer come back. Anyway, my father was so weak when he took a shower, he would faint. Fortunately, the shower stall was small so he caught himself.

Okay, anyway, I'm gearing up for all the festivities and family get together. I'm waiting for my Dr to call in my Temazepam to the Pharmacy, it has been 4 days since I ordered it and I'm OUT! And tonight I will definitely need it!
I'll called them again today and will do it again to be sure they call the Pharmacy back. The Pharmacy has already faxed them an order, twice.

Well, my husband has needed my help on many things, but he took over the cooking after my son died and the type of work we do, he is in restaurants a lot and they feed him. I have started cooking again, but more healthy meals, which he doesn't always appreciate as much as I do. LOL Men, of course, have no clue what is healthy, just what taste good.

Paislee

[NinjaFrodo]

Paisleegreen
Hope you are doing alright without the meds...since you ran out. That can be really tough on your system if you've been using them for awhile.

Ah there is probabbly more in the cds than in the actual movie for the secret. Well thats cool. Marci? You mean the book about being happy for no reason?


THH
Your welcome and yes I think I understand. So would you say you haven't really been much above #10 then?

Um guilt about not being able to live up to your mother's expectations or not being able to seemingly please her...or not defending yourself in a conflict or not saying the right thing.

I have the same thing with emotions. Its like, well what am I feeling? Which one is stronger? Most of the time I have to resort to a pen and paper.

Well the people in toronto can be similar. Many people have a hard time even making eye contact which is kind of sad but in a gym or fitness class its easier. Not everybody here is like that though, we are so diverse! There are still some that come from the western parts of canada that are extremely friendly and social, thats nice when I meet someone like that.


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
Yes I would say my anxiety over all has been at a 10 maybe some issues lower. Before I got sick it was surely 10's - 14's. Some days in the past I have had days where I really had low anxiety but I was not being challenged either. Funny how challenges bring on different emotions and higher anxiety.

On my guilt with my mom, not living up to her expectations, I am doing so much better as now I really see that her expectations are unrealistic. That gives me great relief. No one alive can do it! So I am gaining ground with that topic too. The need to at time, wanting to please her is another story. I also feel as if I am making progress with this issue as well. Such as, Going to calling hours. What to wear, my cousin was a very casual dresser,& earthy person. So I wanted to be comfortable driving, sitting in the car and hanging out. My mother would of wanted me to go get my hair done, buy some new clothes, have a different purse, make sure my coat was appropriate to match everything else I was wearing. I wore just what I wanted, I dressed casual, but nicer than if I stayed at home. My mom did slide a few comments, to me, and I said hey, I'm comfortable! That got dropped fast. But in my mind I wrestled with gosh should I have wore something a little more dressier? Then I said to myself, you have made your decision, its fine, I know if I had everything perfect she would say something is not right. Like why did you pick green. When I got there, I fit in just fine. Everyone wears what they want. Some people were very dressed up and others looked like they just got off work. IT DON"T MATTER! Being there is what matters! Whew

I think for me that is the best way to try to figure out which emotion is strongest too. Get by myself relax a few minuets and start to ask the good questions. Then I can break it apart and calm myself.

I had a big family day on the phone today. My sister in law called, and we talk for 45 minuet's! It was a good conversation and I'm not sure what is up with her but she really surprised me!!!! She has changed her whole demeanor with me. Its great and I was so pleased that I felt I answered her questions ( she always starts asking personal things then don't allow time for you to answer, they are good questions but I get so nervous I never handle it well. Also the limited time she allows for you to answer I feel rushed. She ask her questions, but actually waited for a reply! I did this time and I reveled some personal stuff about me and what was funny she seams to feel good about being able to understand me better. She had many mis beliefs and when I corrected her we actually made a connection. I always wanted someone to ask me about this or that and no one ever did. She seams interested in me and making a effort to finally get to know me after 26 years! Amazing....) I also must credit Mike for our assertive practice, and helping me realize how I put another person on the so much greater scale and me on the lesser one. We are all people with strengths and weakness. When working together we can compliment each other and be more diverse.
Over all, a good day.

Still not over this sickness. Feeling much much better, but tire easy and still high energy/ low energy in a couple hours. I'm taking it easy but moving about more. Geez it is a long one. It has been 2 weeks.
Stay well everyone!

[Paisleegreen]

Hey, Mike and THH and others. I was able to get my prescription filled, I think the Tech person was giving me the run around as the Dr's office did call it in the night before and did it again just to be sure I had it last night. Which is good because I had to share my bed w/ DH, but I slept well, he didn't snore much as usual or I was tired. I'm feeling better about things so that him sharing our bed didn't bother me. I've calmed down quite a bit that I am not as disturbed by having another person share my personal space, don't know if you understand that or not.

I had to wake up early anyway, b/c Father in law got up at 8:00AM which I could have slept longer, but I needed to check up on him. He can easily trip or fall down some stairs or go out the wrong door, who knows. So I fixed him breakfast and talked with him. He clearly has dementia and possibly skin cancer, he is adamant about not going to see a Dr, he has lived a long life an isn't in pain so is ready to move on when that comes. But he is doing crazy things too, that we as a family don't care for and my sis in law did talk to him about not driving anymore. As while traveling over to my place on the highway, he was seeing double of all the cars going by and the airplane up in the sky. He really is a danger to himself and I don't know how much longer he is going to be around health wise or safety.

Well, I better go, I realized that tomorrow I have to get up an hour earlier than I had planned. Paislee

[NinjaFrodo]

Hey sorry guys, its been pretty rough the last few days so I haven't posted.

THH
YOu want recognition and understanding from her right? Thats understandable and its really great that you can tell her that you are comfortable when she complains. You're changing the dance and she will just have to make some changes herself.

You're probabbly right with her finding something wrong even if you obtain that perfection or perception of it. Her mental filter is set towards the negatives and things that are wrong so thats what she's mostly going to see.

Thats amazing to see someone change in response to your changing. Its it wonderful to realize that who you thought you were dealing with wasn't really who they were. Meaning she isn't that behavior because she changed and It didn't seem like you thought that was going to happen. Big suprise! I'm glad things are getting better with her, that seemed to bother you alot and now you've turned it around and have started to create a social circle now!

And thank you about the assertiveness practice credit. I appreciate that, it really was a good practice.

My turn to be get sick. How annoying.

Paisleegreen
You don't usually sleep in the same bed as your Husband?

Thats unfortunately with your father in law. Dementia is really scary. My great aunt's friend did some really crazy things too like walking red lights and giving random people the finger and asking a waitress at a restaurant to get up on the table and dance.

He is a danger to himself as well as others and something needs to be done about that.


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Mike, I guess you might have missed some of my postings. I did post a bit at AZ, but eversince my panic attack and issues with DS. DH has been sleeping in the guest room. That was part of the frustration of my first panic attack and going through meds that I didn't like and weaned off of.

I had commented when the guest room was getting ready for my relatives to visit, that I wanted a twin bed or queen bed in the guest room. So that I would have a bed to go to when DH snores. He has refused to go see a Dr about it and I'm tired having to go to the couch in the LR to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. I as you might recall have been very upset with DH and DS from last spring. Anyway, DH had bought a king size bed and bedroom set off the internet without discussing it with me, another sign of disrespect that they had shown me when DS packed up all my things in my basement and haul off pieces of furntiure that were mine and disregarded my feelings of being the woman of the house and the Mother.

So I refused to go to the guest room with the used bedroom set and a server is located in the room. It makes noise and emits an electrical smell. I can't sleep in there and why should I. I don't care for the bed, it isn't comfortable to me. This newfound anxiety at the time has brought on a lot of sensitivity to sounds and body aches, etc.

So DH had said he would sleep in the room from the get go since he bought the bedroom set which I didn't have a say in.
So I was a bit anxious knowing that my Father in Law would be staying in the guest room and that meant DH would have to come back to our bedroom. I did okay, since we have been getting therapy and working things out, I still want my own space.

Luckily I haven't had to go sleep on the couch and I would not be a happy camper to do so. As I have always had to make the concessions for others comfort. I need to have the comfort and privacy of my own bedroom while I work on my anxiety issues. Luckily things are doing better and I'm able to eat and don't have as much of the "gut" symptoms as before where I could not sleep even with all kinds of medications.

So I now am doing better and I only take Temazepam to help me sleep, but it doesn't do the job completely because now I feel my sore muscles more than before due to my age and taking an aspirin affects my stomach a little bit so I have to find a happy medium. I do better when I have been outside in sunshine and getting some walking in and not under too much stress.
This past weekend was a bit stressful w/ extra company and visiting time, but it went well. Paislee.

[THH]

Mike, so sorry to hear you have been sick! Its a terrible virus, I'm going on 3 weeks now and I'm defiantly better than I was but it really is not gone. At times still stuffy, headache, sinus pressure and tired. I did one round of antibiotics, some people who I know have done 2 rounds, yet others did none. It just last and won't go away. I was on the couch 4 days unable to do much of nothing. My husband who is much tougher than I did drag him self to work a couple hours each day but was home early everyday! If you have this virus just float with it. I don't know if you have health anxiety like me, but we will get better! Lets wait till you get feeling better before doing the last session.
(I assume you have been having your troubles due to this illness, did I make the right assumption?)
If not do you want to talk about what other things are happening?

[THH]

Paislee,
I'm glad you got your px straightened out! That can be irritating!

While your FIL was at your house, does your DH help care for him. It is his father no one but blood can fully understand family stuff. I am learning this as well, as my husbands family have in the past kept us out of the loop. Only getting us involved at major events. I have a hard time with that as I want to help in all the decisions when I am involved. Its been hard letting go of my past reactions and the way I show I care. They have their own way of doing things and I don't always agree. My family is different too, and I only know my family's ways. It might have been good for you to have stayed in bed and let them deal with things. Just my 2 cents! LOL... Also does he have a single person who is helping him in his elderly years.( like a POA, for his checking account, paying bills, getting grocery's?) There are some classes about taking care of the old ones, and it is so very helpful. There are many legal things to get resolved as well. Or is the family unit passing all this around as no one person is in charge?

I understand the snoring. it seams like men get worse as they age. Maybe you could thank the boys for thinking of you, but you would prefer it pick out the furnishings. Maybe they thought they were doing good, by helping you this way. Maybe they don't know how to do things to help!

I'm glad it went well! Maybe when you know of big weekends like this you might even take a little zanax just to help you float better. Just a few of my thoughts. Glad you did well!