Stress Center Peer Support

Hi,

Today I got a call from my Mom. She started out saying that she was going to get surgery next month (has been talking about it for years) because she was sick of the condition she has. She complained that she didn't have enough money, and could I please ask my brother to bring her some money this weekend as her birthday is coming up. I asked her if she's out of money. She says no, I want to go to the chiropractor this week. I'm saving the rest of my (S.S.) money for some groceries later this month. She was really negative, and scared me by telling me why should I pay for dentures? If I get the surgery and die, what difference do they make?
I could go on. I got angry at her. I told her that I wished I could help her but I'm her DAUGHTER. She has leaned on me like this for years. I told her look, I just answered the phone. She started crying and said I bet you wish you didn't answer it now. I said no that's not it, its just that if you want to ask (my brother) for money, ask him yourself. I feel like a big goat. (I should have said SCAPE GOAT) My brother hasn't said anything about getting a call. I suppose she's still hoping I'll say something and she'll get her cash.
I really do feel like a scapegoat. I'm just so tired of guilt trips.

Thanks for the vent,

Deb

I feel like a big goat. (I should have said SCAPE GOAT)

lol i relate, i never have the nerve to say the REAL thing so i always say something similar and she never catches on! We should try being more assertive nxt time.

I used to hide it all in just like you. If you let all these feelings stay in: Look for them to come exploding out when you have your nervous breakdown. They only care about what is going on in their little world and if you say anything but what they want to hear, expect to get aguilt trip for not agreeing. Most likely that is when they drop you from the circle.

My family is the same way; negative. Kill them with positivity, trust me they will talk about you but in the end they will be thankful that you were positive.

Best Wishes,

Vanity

Wow, this sounds so familiar. My mom would never ask me for money, she did the opposite. Whenever she bought me anything, even as a young child, it was always a ritual. I had to show immense appreciation and always give up something for her, give her some control over my life. Instead of making my own decision about how I like my hair, for example, she forced me to grow it long and I was not allowed to cut it if she bought me anything. Even if I never asked for it.
Now I'm 30 and she thinks things should go on as always. Well no more. I don't want anything from her. She still tries to tell me exactly how she wants me to live my life, but I don't care. I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of how I spend my money, who I'm friends with, how I spend my time or how I groom myself. I'm tired of living my life for someone else.
She even tried to tell me to dump the man I live with, the one I plan to marry and the love of my life, even though she does clearly see he is so good to me.
I don't understand how family members like this abuse such intimate bonds and never think of anyone's happiness but their own.
Don't buy into it! If your mom truly needs this procedure she can be creative and find a way to make the money on her own.