Grieving the Death of a Mother by Harold Ivan Smith

Attention book lovers! Have a great book to share or recommend? Post your reviews.
pecos
Posts: 248
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:31 pm

Post by pecos » Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:38 am

<A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Death-Mo ... 0806643471" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Death-Mo ... 6643471</A>

This book was featured in the book review of a hospice newsletter. I have not read it yet, but I did read the review. I believe I will order it this week. Anyone read it? It sounds like a winner for those of us who lost mothers.

Paul R.
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:17 pm

Post by Paul R. » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:06 am

pecos,

looks like a good book.

i lost my mom when i was 25 (back in 1999) due to breast cancer. my sister and i were in the room with her when she passed.

her passing left a huge gaping hole in my heart for many years that has only recently been filled with my wife.

sometimes, i wonder what life would be like if she were still with us...

Stock Lady
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2008 1:16 pm

Post by Stock Lady » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:39 am

Paul and Pecos. My sister died last November. I thought I was okay but I broke down after a few weeks.I was with her for a few days and then her son and I made the decision to remove life support. Her husband had died a few years earlier in a fishing accident. My niece went over the deep end. Would she have been different if her parents survived? I went to therapy and to a grief counseling group at the VNA. It enabled me to grieve the 3 miscarriages I had. Too many of the people in the grief group clung to the past and just dug a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. I guess I'm not sympathetic listening to them cling to their grief. I miss my sister very much but she would not expect me to live my life in misery. A really good guy I know just died after a long battle with cancer. I knew him from the field trials I compete at. He was at the events until a few days before he went to the hospital and died. A friend was very upset that she didn't get to say goodbye. I thinks that what he wanted, we will remember him as participating in a cheerful way. I don't know what that book is about? I know reliving this makes me sad. On the radio they said that happiness is contagious, a happy person will even have an effect on a stranger. I'd rather be happy. :)

Arat
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:11 am

Post by Arat » Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:07 am

HI EVERYONE, GRIEVING IS A DIFFERENT PROCESS FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A TIME FRAME FOR GRIEVING. FROM ALL I HAVE READ ON THE SUBJECT WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFRENTLY AND FOR SHORTER OR LONGER TIME SPANS. I HAVE LOST MY DAD, AND THREE BROTHERS THE OLDEST WAS 63 AND THE YOUNGEST WAS 26. I'M 47. WHEN I LOST MY SECOND BROTHER IS WHEN MY FIRST PANIC EPISODES STARTED ALONG WITH THAT I SUFFERED A YR OF DEPRESSION. I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST THAT TOLD ME THAT HE HAD SPOKE WITH MANY PEOPLE THAT HAD LOST A BROTHER OR SISTER OR MOM OR DAD AND THAT THEY HAD NEVER MISSED A STEP...HE SAID THE LOSS OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS ROCKED MY WORLD...AND THAT EVEN WITH ALL MY SUFFERING HE WOULD RATHER BE ME. BECAUSE I KNEW LOVE! MANY TIMES THAT KEEPS ME AFLOAT AND I CONSIDER IT AN HONOR. I LOST MY FIRST BROTHER IN 1983 AND CONTINUE TO GRIEVE HIM AND THE OTHERS UNTIL THIS DAY, AND SUSPECT I WILL UNTIL I DIE OF OLD AGE. THATS NOT BAD, THATS LOVE! AND I DON'T SPEND MY TIME SAD, BECAUSE I DON'T SPEND MY TIME ON THE WEEK OR DAY OR HOUR THEY DIED, BUT OUR TIME TOGETHER.

Keebler23
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:35 pm

Post by Keebler23 » Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:21 am

My grandpa passed away on this day about 3 years ago. I was really close to my grandpa. Sometimes I want my grandpa here now, but I know that he will never come back. I used to do things with my grandpa before he got sick. He had a heart attack and a stroke in 1993 and I was really sad when he got sick because I would spend quality time with him. Sometimes I feel like he was the only one that loved me and cared about me. Sometimes I feel like nobody loves me or cares about me like he used to. I get really down when I think about him and when I talk about him and how I feel to other people they just say you just need to get over it and I don't like it when people say that.

dinobail
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:10 pm

Post by dinobail » Fri Dec 05, 2008 11:23 am

Hi. I read the posts by everyone who have lost loved ones and I wanted to comment. First, the author Harold Ivan Smith is an excellent author who has written many books on death and coping. I have met him at seminars and he is the most compassionate and caring man who knows personally what it is to lose people. I would recommend any of his books. Secondly, as far as grief, it is an individual experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve unless someone has become so despondent they are suicidal. Society tries to rush people through their grief and it just can't be done. Grief is a journey and a process that we have to go through. If it is not addressed, people may find themselves having unexplained physical or emotional symptoms or flare-ups of chronic conditions. This doesn't happen to everyone and we all have different thoughts and reactions to death, but if you find yourself struggling, reach out for help. No one said you have to go through it alone. People are there to help. Grieving is a natural response to loss and nothing to be ashamed of because it reflects our pain and heartache when we lose people we love. I have not said what my job was before this but in reading these posts, I wanted to offer any help I could. I am a grief therapist for Hospice and I would be happy to respond to anyone who has questions or concerns. I have many resources available and would be happy to help you in any way I can. Take care and know I hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

Mary Wargo
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Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:37 pm

Post by Mary Wargo » Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:27 am

dinoball -- Thank you for your input and thank you for offering your personal help. We've had numerous postings from people about the death of a loved one, and also death of beloved animal companions. I agree with what you said about society trying to rush people through their grief. After the death of my mother I remember my Dr. telling me that I should be back to normal in a year. I told her that if I wasn't quite back to normal in a year I wasn't going to worry about it, and I was going to take whatever time I needed.

pecos
Posts: 248
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:31 pm

Post by pecos » Sat Dec 06, 2008 12:52 pm

Hi dinobail. I am so glad to see you post under this thread, and thanks so much for the encouraging information. I have a short list of books which have helped, and this one sounds quite good. I believe many people mix up the process of grief and depression. They are not synonymous, but so often when we lose a loved one, people want to hurry us along in our grief. I've actually had people tell me that I should be over my grief. Years ago when my brother died, a person I knew at work got quite angry at me because, two months after his death, I was still quite lost in grief. She was also a therapist, and I recall feeling sorry for her patients. She really missed a few classes in school ( ;)).
Thanks everyone, for responding. Dinobail, thanks for offering your wise professional ear. Grief after the death of a loved one is a big river so many people have trouble finding a suitable way to navigate.
By the way, Mary, I really like what you told your doctor. We take the time we need.
Kind regards to all.

mdevlnj
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 9:20 am

Post by mdevlnj » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:17 am

It seems very ironic that I ran into this post in particular. First off, I plan on getting this book today. My mother died of mestatic bone cancer almost two weeks ago, and I have been searching for some kind of reading material that I can most identify with. I think I may have found it. Thank you for your recommendation.
Meghan

Velma Brown
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Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:01 pm

Post by Velma Brown » Wed Apr 15, 2009 12:13 am

I lost my mother On June 2, 2008. I went for 6 months trying to get over it by myself, but I was unsuccessful. I joined a set free group at my church in Dallas, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship on Camp Wisdom Rd., Pastor Anthony Evans is the pastor. This session ran from Jan to April. I will graduate on next week Mon. April 20, 2009. I am processing it better. The interaction with others was very healing, and our facilators were good at what they do. One of the qualifications of the facilators is that they have to have had a death of their own and have process their own loss. Death is something everyone goes through in different ways and in different time limits, so don't let anyone rush you through your death process. The only thing that's important is that you are progressing and not standing still. I hope this information help someone else. Expecially those in the area of Dallas. If you are having problems with this give our church a try. It is open to the public.

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