Too selfish with my time?

Learn how to bring order back into your life by making reasonable action plans, stop over-scheduling, and become comfortable with asking for help when you need it.
momurph
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:36 pm

Post by momurph » Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:44 am

Hi everyone,
I wanted to ask a question. I am having a hard time with this lesson, because I do the exact opposite of what she is talking about. I don't run myself ragged. I don't do too much for other people. I used to do to much for my kids, but last year I had a couple surgeries and illnesses, and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in October.

Now I find myself at the opposite extreme. I hoard my time. I can have dishes to do, laundry to do, errands to run, but instead I sit home and watch TV, or read, or play solitaire. (I am kind of addicted to it).

When my 4-year-old is home with me, I have a hard time motivating myself to play with her. I am tired a lot -- either in a total fog, or I am anxious from too much caffeine to beat the fog (I know, I haven't quit caffeine yet.)

I feel guilty about all this time I spend to myself. My husband does a lot of the work around here, and I feel bad about that too.

I do all that I can to get energy and motivated, but oftentimes, nothing works. I am being treated for depression, but I am not sure if my lack of motivation and energy is due to depression, fibromyalgia, or just a real need to rest my body and heal.

I could use some encouragement ... I don't relate to this session at all, and it makes me feel worse.

Thanks for listening,
Maureen

Guest

Post by Guest » Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:01 am

I too understand what you mean, even doing this a 2nd time. I can relate with not getting dishes done or cleaning up after myself. Then there are times like yesterday when I spent time listening to a friend and her troubles. I did that but don't take care of things at home. I can come on here or read, talk on the phone, play cards. I often put these before God like this morning God was going to get the first part of my day and here I am. I guess it's discipline we need. I tell that to others. Push yourself. Easy to say to others but depression comes easier to me. I guess I really need to push through this somehow. I get tired so easily. Possibly I could take a l0 minute nap instead of sometimes an hour. The best thing is to keep moving and DO SOMETHING so I can feel at least I accomplished something.

Yesterday the kitchen table was still a mess but at least I took down my outside Christmas decorations so that was SOMETHING. I think we also need to force ourselves to DO for others especially our own family. Do you find yourself doing more for others than say your husband? I do.

Guest

Post by Guest » Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:03 am

I also have many body aches whether its fibro or arthritis. This also tires me out. Yesterday I felt depressed and had a migraine. I still forced myself to walk but often even when I do get things done I still beat myself up. Do you do that???

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:30 am

Hey all,

I can definitely relate to this subject in mind. I always feel like I give myself too much time on a game I like to play. This week, I actually have an oral presentation to deliver for school, so I was planning that out for a while. But then i felt my body symptoms, I knew i was over whelming myself, so I was like whoa, stop. Take a break. I took a break and exercised and I'm sitting around now. I know I won't get as much accomplished if I'm not rested so I'm gonna give myself some time and reward myself for just getting started today. The planning is a big part of my speech so this is a huge accomplishment. It's still early in the day, so I know I have plenty of time as long as I balance things. Can anyone else relate?

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:43 am

I leanred this technique a few years ago that really helped me and helped me feel freer about this issue as well.

I set a timer for 15 minutes and work on one room (or project...like laundry). That is all that I do in that time - no getting sidetracked while taking the laundry to the utility room and stopping to pick up the livingroom! When the timer buzzes...I'm finished, and this is the important part...WHETHER THE ROOM OR THE PROJECT IS DONE OR NOT!

The timer is not to stress me out - it's to give me permission to stop! Then I set it for 15 minutes for Me-time (reading, cup of tea, whatever - solitaire for you maybe! :)). When it goes off I stop and set it again for 15 minutes of whatever project is next. Adn then maybe 15 minutes of playing with my son.

And this doesn't go on all day - maybe just for an hour or two. But I stopped feeling guilty about not getting things done, and I was SURPRISED at how many things I could get done in 15 minutes too!!!

The key is to not let the timer stress you - the object is not to finish everything in 15 minutes...it's to get 15 solid minutes of good work done...AND THEN STOP...and take care of you!

OH - and don't forget to drink water (or something without caffeine - I love my coffee too, but I don't do it during these times) during your me-time!

Hope this helps! Don't beat yourself up! You are making progress everyday! :)

Blessings,
Dawn

~*schnauzermom*~
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:24 pm

Post by ~*schnauzermom*~ » Mon Apr 07, 2008 8:02 am

Momurph,

I guess I see it as you've already run yourself ragged, and it's going to take a while for your body to heal. I know you feel guilty, but I think that will only hinder your healing. Fibromyalgia is just as real as if you were to have cancer. You do have a health problem that zaps your energy. I have chronic fatigue from running myself ragged and a lot of trauma over the past years. The past two years have basically been filled with rest in my personal time, but I have a lot to deal with with my ten year old son who has severe autism who has severe sleeping problems. I wonder what I would be like if I had at least one month of uninterrupted sleep at night. I have a feeling that I would be miraculously better. However, I'm unemployed right now, and the rest part and focusing on me to an extreme is helping me get my energy back, and my anxiety has improved tremendously, and I'm doing more for my son and husband right now. So, I don't think you are going to get stuck where you are at. You probably need this time for your body to heal. It took years to get where you're at, so it's going to take a while to recover.

I know it's just my opinion, but I just know how hard it was for me to face my fears in the throws of chronic fatigue. It's so much easier now, without the brain fog, etc., so I do think there is a time for rest even if it feels glutenous. In the book, "The Anxiety Cure", the author points out how important rest really is, especially if you have adrenal fatigue. Anyway, I hope something in here helps.

Take care,
luvpiggy
"Afterall, everybody only hears what he understands." by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:07 pm

Dear luvpiggy,
THANK YOU!! Your words mean so much to me. Since you have chronic fatigue you can really relate to what I'm going through -- that brain fog is so horrible, I can barely function. Thank you SO SO much for understanding and giving me hope. I can't imagine the challenges you face, having a son with autism AND chronic fatigue, plus the inability to have a full night's sleep. You are amazing, and so thoughtful to reach out to me when you are dealing with so much too.

I hope it's okay if I ask you a couple questions ...

Did you do anything special to clear your head from the brain fog, or was it the extra rest that helped you?

Do/did you have adrenal fatigue as well? If so, how did you find out, and did you do anything special to help it? (I have many alternative doctors, like chiropractors and naturopaths, tell me that my adrenals are shot, but they have never done an actual test or given me a treatment).

Thanks again for your kind words, your support, encouragement and understanding.

Take care,
Maureen

hopehound
Posts: 243
Joined: Sat Nov 04, 2006 5:34 pm

Post by hopehound » Mon Apr 07, 2008 3:07 pm

Hi Dawn,
Thank you for your response -- I love the idea of "15 minutes!" Awhile ago I thought of trying something like that, but was thinking of "30 minutes work, 30 minutes play" ... I like the idea of 15 minutes better, and I didn't think to use the timer! I am going to give that a try.

I try to drink a lot of water during the day, but I also drink quite a bit of tea which is dehydrating in itself, so I am sure more water would be a good idea too :-).

Thanks so much for your ideas and support!

Maureen
ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY

Guest

Post by Guest » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:31 am

Keep us posted on your progress, Maureen! I hope you have a GREAT day today!

((((HUGS))))
Dawn

stargazer
Posts: 109
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:51 am

Post by stargazer » Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:14 am

Thanks Dawn! And thanks to Barb G and Noelle and anyone else who responded to this post. I am sorry I wasn't able to get back to each of you. Hang in there -- we can beat this :-)

Maureen

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