avoiding negative people

Learn how to bring order back into your life by making reasonable action plans, stop over-scheduling, and become comfortable with asking for help when you need it.
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rolfson
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 7:16 pm

avoiding negative people

Post by rolfson » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:25 pm

Finally moving past session 12, now that I am on 13, there is a part that I am struggling with, my Mother is the most negative person I know, (in fact I think this is where I learned a lot of my negativity), I have been visiting my place in AZ for a week away from work, Mom lives here and I simply do not want to go visit her, but feel that if I do not it will hurt her, she is elderly (75) lives alone as Dad passed 2 years ago. Since then (and even before Dad passed) each and every visit either on the phone or in person has been awful, I am known as the strong person and child in Moms view (I have 4 siblings), I have put one of my siblings through rehab, paid for the majority of it (along with dental bills, buying her a car,paying for halfway house, etc), invited another sibling to join and become partner in my Company, which after 9 years ended bitterly with he his wife taking advantage of a good deal and walking away with a trunk load of $, had another sibling live with me while he was homeless and living on the streets, so Mom sees me as the gate keeper not only for the whole bunch but for her now also. I did go visit her and left there feeling down and awful.
Prior to Dad passing, He and Mom were in rather poor health for oh 10 years or better, since I lived in the same town as they I was responsible for them, I watched for all those years a couple who were totally unprepared for the "golden years", then when it hit them they lacked personal responsibility to even sign up for medicare, my wife and I did it for them, prior to that I actually put my Dad on the payroll so they could have health insurance, purchased a Co. vehicle for Dad (from my oldest sibling who needed the biz in another state), and when Dad could not drive any longer I had to take the vehicle away and lay him off of the payroll (times were rather tight, had to do it) I spent many nights in the ER with them both, back and forth to doctor appt's, etc. etc.. After Dad passed I convinced Mom to move to AZ, she did. Now that she is here I am having a difficult time seeing her. The rest of my siblings have convinced her that I am the bad seed, they (siblings) some of which live in AZ also have told one sided incorrect details of my closest siblings and my Co. break up. Another sibling (the one I paid rehab for) has been convinced and has convinced Mom that I am butthead who creates all the problems in the family. I however have done nothing more than assist, share, take care of and hand out to each and every member in the family. Then when it comes time for me to take care of myself and my own wife and children, I am seen as the bad seed.
Has anyone else ever lived similar circumstances ? Do I simply not go and see anyone when I am here? It further complicates the situation if I choose to do that, and Mom may not have too much longer here.
Very difficult.

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: avoiding negative people

Post by coachchris » Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:46 am

Hi Rolf,

This is Coach Chris from the coaching team here at Stress. Wow, what a saint you are! It sounds to me like you have continually taken the higher road on your journey. You rise above and do the right thing. You are a great truth-teller and you don't let lies steer you away from truth. I would continue to create health boundaries and do what you feel is 'right.' It sounds like you know what to expect and you are prepared. Make sure you continue to cheer yourself on. Go and visit but keep it short. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. I respect your hard work with the program. Lesson 14 will be especially helpful too.

Keep us posted. We are here to help.
Coach Chris

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