BUILDING A BETTER LIFE.... Session 13

[mcshope]

BUILDING A BETTER LIFE

This thread is open to anyone who is going thru the program. We are now on session 13 and we will start a new lesson every week. We are following Lucinda's Program the way is meant to be, listening to the sessions, reading the lessons, completing the assignments. This is just an space to share your experiences and progress.

It has been a great experience to go thru the program with the company and support of other people. It is nice to know that there are people willing to listen and share their experiences.

We would like to support each other, share our progress and continue growing and learning. If you have anything to share, join us, we learn a lot from other people's experiences.

Video for this week
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0EXFCq7E78

[NinjaFrodo]

Hey all. So I have been doing the group therapy for the childhood abuse for about 8 weeks now and it helps with the emotional aspect of the problem. The cbt is more intellectual and i'm being more drawn back to it in order to help with the intellectual aspect of the problem. A situation happened in which I got close to someone, really close and they ended up liking my friend and wanting to date him and it devestated me. I had become to emotionally dependant and well it just pushed me back into a deep depression and I can't keep living life like this. I need to become more independant, I need to be able to get what I need from myself or else i'm going to keep being devestated like this and then keep destroying relationships and never get anywhere in my life. So it looks like i'll be coming back to the program and doing both the CBT along with the group therapy and using my support system in group in order to vent and if I get stuck.

I really hope this is the push I need in order to really motivate me to do everything I need to do in order to feel better because continuing to live this way is killing me.

Hope everybody is doing well,


Mike

[mcshope]

Hi Mike,

As you can imagine, at this point in the program everybody is busy testing their limits and enjoying the new found freedom.
I am happy to see you here.
You need to be patient with yourself, you have done a very brave thing at facing the abuse. I know you want to feel better fast (I sure would love to not have any anxiety anymore), however it takes time.
I am sorry to hear that the relationship you wanted did not worked out. Sometimes things like this are for the best... Do you remember the movie "28 days".... with Sandra Bullock... in one scene, someone asks how long they have to wait to start a relationship, and the therapist tells them to first buy a plant and take care of it, if the plant doesn't die, then get a pet (dog) and take care of it, if the pet doesn' die then is time to look for a relationship...

Good to have you back.

Hope

[Paisleegreen]

Hi MIke, glad to see you are back. I agree with Hope, it does take time. Your eight weeks have just opened up things you've kept to yourself for a long time. Now it is open and you now have to deal with it, but you don't have to do it all at once. Remember the movie about What about Bob? remember the Dr telling him Baby Steps, Baby Steps. It was last year that my Psychiatrist told me about the movie (which I have) and reminded me about Baby Steps. It is all takes time and is difficult, but is doable. Take care...Paislee

[THH]

Hello everyone! Everything has been so busy I will come back and reread and post after I land. Time management will be a nice reminder for me, I don't have to answer every phone call, do everything as it pops up. Run in circles scream and shout! ( Mr. Wizard for anyone my age)
I have caught myself many times piling on more than I can handle. I am doing it to myself. No one is expecting me to do this. I forgot to manage my time.

When I have too many things to do, I feel like I am always coming from behind. I get overwhelmed by being behind as in my grass needs mowed, flowers watered, laundry, shopping, return calls, cleaning house, barns, car needs washed, ect...
My neck/ arm has been hurting. I believe I overused it and have to rest it now. I can't rest I get to tense just thinking of all I need to get done! LOL... Time management will help me this week. For sure!

Mike!
So good to see you here on the site. I totally agree with both Hope, and Paislee. I think it is a great idea to do both programs. What is nice here is we can all relate, support and encourage. We are all trying to build a better life!

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

Thank you and yes very good advice. In the past i have had plants die on me, i even killed a cactus because i forgot to water it but I think i'm getting better. I'm really glad I didn't own a pet. I am somewhat in a rush but at the same time through the group therapy I am starting to feel relief everytime I share my feelings and the pain and suffering and get listened to. I never really had that relief before and it is very satisfying so i'm doing alright with it. I think its easier being in that group setting because I can voice my concerns about not moving by fast enough and get reassurance from people who've already been there so i'm not too afraid.

paisleegreen;

Again good advice, baby steps because we cannot quantum leap from feeling bad to really good. I don't think our minds could handle that and we'd just go in shock.

THH
Funny how we can go through the time management lesson and keep forgetting to manage our time, we just end up not having enough time to manage our time it seems

Yeah i think your right. I can get support with the abuse through group and the other set of forums and i can get support with the anxiety and depression stuff on here when it comes to the more technical and intellectual aspects.


I have already started lesson 1 on my own today and will just go through the program and post like i did before the challenge and this project as well. Feel free to check it out as i post.


MIke

[mcshope]

Here is the link to session 14.

http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 65&t=25572

See you there!

[Paisleegreen]

THH Boy, your posting could be mine, I have the same thing going on. I've really had to look at what I'm doing, how old I'm becoming and deciding what activities I need to cut back on, or decide who else is going to do it. It really has caused me to do a lot of thinking and self evaluation.

Well, I'll come back and post more to Ninja and Hope and others. I have been busy working on having fun and managing my time with my house and yard...so that is why I haven't been here for a while. Paislee

[THH]

Paislee,
Its hard, I think I am in the zone where I can't do as I did 10 years ago and I do that black and white thinking swinging to the extreme saying I want a little apt. with no yard.

I am making notes as I go through this summer as right now I am in the heat of the battle, soon as it settles down I will review things and make my changes. It is a little hard to admit to myself I'm getting older. My brain don't think different? Just my body... I am understanding the process of really aging. What a eye opener, but rather than dread it and focus on all the negitave aspects, I am going to review it and see really where I need to make adjustments. Then maybe I can embrace it? Just my thoughts...

I also am thinking, it really is always something. Its too hot, cold, wet dry. Being sick, someone I know sick. Rich or poor. People die, houses fall apart. Cars break, we loose jobs, get new ones. It is all LIFE. Much of it is the way it rolls. I do not understand where I got the idea how things "should be" and being disappointed when it is not the way life rolls???? How crazy is that! I guess we would be machines if we ran perfectly for many years, and even then machines break down or need some new parts! LOL... I guess we are blessed to have such drive, we just need to fine tune things a little better.

Have a nice weekend.

Hope, Thanks for keeping the thread going. Sorry I have not been on much. But I am still following along....

Mike,
Glad your finding some relief with your therapy group. I will check out your postings with your lessons too. I'm kind of distracted right now with so many things happening all at once. Or it really seams that way for me now. Maybe for some people they roll best that way but for me I am finding that doing too many things causes me overwhelm. I'm sorry to say that my comfortable pace for me, I'm in line with retired people! LOL... I'll catch up with ya. Have a good weekend!

[Paisleegreen]

THH--I get to that black and white thinking as well, maybe a nice condo and little yard would be nice! Also, I love how you described expectations. How everything should run properly and never need fixing...I am doing the same thinking. Where did we get our ideas that things aren't going to change as we age. I guess watching my Dad who died at the age of 92 1/2 and my Grandmother at 97 that, "Gee, I guess I'll just be like them." but not really comprehending the pain they were suffering, didn't know all their aches nor their thoughts.

This helps me to understand why my Dad got so cranky in his later years, and was afraid for his wife, my Mother who had mini strokes and more damaging ones. He wasn't a gardener, but he tried to use the computer and thought in his mind he could run a business using the computer. Instead, he was just scammed or taken advantage of his energy and savings. During his last few months while be treated for Lymphoma, he just had to fix a hole in some sheetrock. His hands were shaky and strength was gone. It was sad...but he still kept on going.

We rescued him from his credit card buying of some special deal from an infomercial he would watch late at night, and not just once either. This he was doing at 92, he was still doing many things at 57, but my Mother was getting worn out. She kept on working as a Nurse until retirement age, but was bushed when she got home and took a nap and then fixed dinner and then lights out for her. My parents didn't do much with yard work or gardening in their later years and I can see why!

But I don't understand how my two brothers can do Marathons or Triathlons! One is 67 and the other is 55. They both have hot tubs and jobs that are sedentary. But they admit, it is harder now, and one has hardly any yardwork and never cared to garden or take care of pets. I do remember my older sister telling me when she was in her 30's how she would garden all day if she could. I kept that in my memory banks and recalled it the other day, I understand completely why she said that.
Gardening is therapeutic and if done right has the ability to boost our brain chemistry full of the fun chemicals.

It strengthens our muscles and makes us feel good. I guess that is what is so hard when it no longer feels good if we overdo it and we don't have the strength to carry out our dreams. So I will be doing the same thing, embracing the "new" old me. My Grandchildren enjoy being with me and I am focusing more on what I can do with them before they prefer to be with their friends more often. So I gotta stay in shape to do things with them. But I'm looking to what I want to be able to do and what I don't want to have to do in my old age.

So I definitely will have to start streamlining and letting go...which is going to be hard...although it is getting easier as I get too tired to take care of unnecessary things. I agree, we are blessed to have such drive and just need to fine tune things a little better! Paislee