The Challenge...Lesson 13

[NinjaFrodo]

Wow we are already on lesson 13..well maybe not already I mean we've really slowed down in the program. We started the challenge almost 6 months ago can you believe it?!? I say that is pretty awesome that we've kept up with it, despite the setbacks with the website, despite the ruts we've hit and despite the frustration and anxiety we've faced I'd say we did pretty good!

I myself have learned alot and changed alot with going through the challenge up until this point and I want to keep going. I am planning to make another run through the program a couple weeks after the challenge is complete, I understand even more about the lessons and more about leading people through them. I've seen several things I'd like to fix for the next run through and actually i'm going to start incorporating them now.

So lesson 13 is about time management. This follows the belief that anxiety is created by poor time management, by rushing to get things done, overloading and overschedualling our days and not allowing for time to rest or breaks.

I'd like for us to try our best to get as many of them done as we can, I won't hold anybody to them but my goal is to work through the stuff in the program together instead of just talking about how we are going through struggles and how my anxiety we are suffering with. I want us to focus more on the actions we are taking and the accomplishments we are making as opposed to how aweful the body symptoms feel, how we are still lacking in life and how we aren't good enough yet.

Action Assignments
1)Rededicate yourself to the basics of this recovery program: positive thought talk, relaxation tape and time, daily exercise and no stimulants

2)Do it. Delegate it. Ditch it

3)Brainstorm with people you trust and admire. Stop thinking o yourself as the "fix-it-person." The more minds you have researching a problem, the more ideas you will get. There is always more than one way to look at or fix a problem or concern. Watch out for pride and arrogance.

4)Write in your journal: Am I living an intentional life? Are you living on purpose, with a purpose? If you do not have time for your priorities, you will fell out of balance and depressed

5)This week: DO NOT HURRY!

6)Use waiting time to practice patience

7)Spend some time visiting someone in a nursing home. Some don't have the luxury of planning their time.

8)Make a list of all the things you do that are a waste of time and STOP doing them

9)Spend fifteen minutes every day this week making a list of ways that you could be more organized. Write a plan that will enable you to accomplish this.

10)Review lesson seven.

11)Play

12)Pray to your higher spiritual belief person/god


Also if you are feeling somewhat discouraged that you did not follow through with using the relaxation, positive self-talk, daily exercise or not using stimulants then think about why they worded action assignment 1 the way they did. If they worded it the way they did, do you think maybe they expected that some people might have slipped back on using them?

Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Thanks, Mike!

[THH]

Here is my card for those who may not have it. ( or this version )

12 steps Toward a balanced Life
* Over scheduling can be an avoidance.
* Recognize the signal, " I've had enough today"
*"No," is a complete sentence. ( Mike I knew I heard this some place)
* Frequently review priority list.
* You can't manage time - manage you.
* Hurry----Stress-Slow down; enjoy today.
* Plan time for you!
Go out side and play!
"Do it, delegate it, ditch it."

Side 2 : Today I will live on purpose, with purpose.
Every morning:
"I am relaxed. I am intelligent, I am attractive. I own this day."
Today my priorities are: ( list 3 )
Recommended reading: Life without limits

"You cannot manage your life if you don't manage yourself. You cannot manage yourself if yyou do not manage your choices. Manage your choices, and you will manage your life" - Shad Helmstetter


I will listen to the tape tomorrow, and then post.

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Thank you my lovely assistant for posting the card for the week!

Paisleegreen
Your welcome. I had actually forgot you don't have the book!


Let me elaborate a bit on the statements of the card.

Overschedualling can be an avoidance
->By overschedualing yourself you can be putting yourself in a constant state of overwhelm which can keep you from overcoming your condition.

Recognize the signal "I've had enough today"
->Wow is this ever big for me. Just because you have extra time doesn't mean you need to fill it with more things to do, it can actually become more counter productive than productive if you push yourself more. That signal can come in the form of discouraging thoughts (I can't), obsessive scary thoughts, Catastrophizing thoughts, Judgement, overwhelm and hopelessness. By ignoring it, you only get more of those things I just listed

No is a complete sentence
->I like that one alot. I'm actually glad you pointed that one out as i'm focusing more on it. From lesson 7 we learned that we don't owe people an explaination

Frequently review priority list
->As life changes, so do our priorities, goals and expectations. Learn to be flexible with change and know where you are going with your goals and in life.

You can't manage time, manage you
->This means that you cannot make time longer or shorter, Its going to be the same 24 hours but you can manage what you do with that time

The hurry one is self-explanatory

Plan time for you
->Do fun things, do relaxing things and take care of yourself. If you don't then it isn't going to matter what things you accomplish in life, life will become a chore and you will only resent yourself.

Go outside and play is self-explanatory

Do it, Delegate it, Ditch it
->This means to face the limitations, get help from others when you can (it can actually bring people together when they work on something together or when they are asked for help, people want to be needed). Ditching can be taken as ditching the unimportant stuff as well as not dwelling on things.

I'll leave side 2 for you guys to interpret.

Oh wow there is even a quote from Shad Helmstetter...thats the guy who has the book on affirmations, the one who talks about affirmation scripts and inspired me to write a bunch of affirmation scripts a long time ago, thats pretty cool!


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Alright so I have worked with this time management lesson today and really incorporated it and I feel so much better that I did. I haven't felt as relaxed as I did today, in a really long time, it was great and I will talk more about it in my journal entry further down in this post.

Ok so I've planned out what I wanted to do the day before, I did some time management, got back into replacing thoughts and went a bit deeper into that and I've done some action assignments as well as journalling and I am now going to go through each of the things starting with what I had planned today and hopefully I can keep up this way of posting for awhile.

Activities Planned for today
Well originally it was longer but I have went through it and shifted things to other days to make it more manageable.This is what it was originally for the day

-Appointment at 10 with a psychiatrist -Workout with my workout buddy at 6pm
-Relax 2-3X -5 Thought replacements
-Spend time figuring out ways to be more organized -Add to gratitude list
-Add to my law of attraction list (from the secret) -Finish lesson 13 in the book
-Tai-chi -Make food for the day
-Journal -Post on the forums
-Laundry -Pain-Pleasure with sleep
-Pain-Pleasure for Judgement -Pain-Pleasure for Discouragement
-Pain-Pleasure for Coping skills -Pain-Pleasure for attaching worth to diffrent things
-Shower -singing lessons
-Hip-hop

Just looking at that made me overwhelmed and anxious. I decided to move the gratitude list, adding to the law of attraction, finishing lesson 13 in the book, Tai-chi, Discouragement pain-pleasure and spend time figuring out ways to be more organized, and judgement pain-pleasure to wednesday. I did however at the end of the day decide to do the figuring out how to be more organized today as I had a bit more time and wanted to do it. I also did the pain-pleasure for judgement just because I had some free time and I forced myself to do it and I hated it and resented myself. I moved The coping skills, Worth and Singing lessons to Thursday.

My new list then looked like this

-Appointment * -Workout with workout buddy*
-Relax* -Thought replacements*
-Hip-hop -Make food for the day*
-Journal* -Post on the forums*
-Laundry* -Sleep motivation
-Shower

the * were the things that I had to do and I got those done and the other things weren't as important and actually, I missed out on the hip-hop and sleep motivation. I felt a little guilty at first but realized that it wasn't life or death to get that completed. I felt alot more relaxed with myself and was able to feel more relaxed with the guided meditations as well, it felt pretty good.

I am curious as to how everybody else has schedualled their day as well. What is a typical day for you? How do you feel about how you plan your day? Do you feel satisfied with your planning or with your accomplishments and would you say you are productive?


Action Assignments
#1- I rededicated myself back into the basics which I have been lacking for a really long time. I feel alot better getting back into it and I feel like i'm actually getting somewhere instead of sitting and watching my life go by. I am actually excited to be working through my thoughts again and I think I am more effective in replacing them. I have been doing the relaxation cd consistently for several weeks now and I did feel good about getting back into doing that. Exercise has been consistent for the last 2 years and I barely use stimulants however someone had a birthday in my house and there was a giant cake just waiting to be eatten!

#5-I am working with this one and its been somewhat challenging but I was able to accomplish this alot more than before since i underloaded my day. It felt alot better

#6-I did not do this very well and instead forced myself into doing something else and distracted myself from waiting. I felt resentful towards myself and even more overwhelmed.

#9-Did this one and came up with a few things. Actually was hoping we could all do #3 and #9 together with this one. What brainstorming things did you come up with in order to become more organized? Here are mine:

-Write things down for the day, the night before and put stars beside the musts (or things that will cause loss or pain if I don't do them)
-Write out all my goals I have for myself, categorize them into personal, relationships, work and fun and pick out the most important ones from each category and brainstorm what I can do to achieve them
-Write out everything I need to do for the week and spread out activities throughout the week based on approximately how long it takes to do the important ones and time sensitive ones
-If I missed out on a certain thing that was important that day, make it one of the first priorities of the next day
-Put important deadlines on callenders
-Involve other people if it is something I have a hard time committing to
-Plan to do things days or weeks before the deadline if possible to avoid worry
-Allow for 30 more minutes to travel to my destinations


(Continued on next post)

[NinjaFrodo]

Journal Entry
Febuary 22nd 2011

Felt good to get back on track with the thought repalcement, relaxation and time management. I got a little lazy in the past when it came to thought replacement or more specifically when it came to figureing out which cognitive distortion category(s) that an irrational thought belonged to and why. I started to really look at why and it made me see more of how the thought was irrational and made it easier to find the lie(s) in it and had more of an effect on changing my mood.

The time management definately made my day alot better as I wrote out what I wanted to doa nd then I decided to push some of the lesser important activities to other days, That helped me relax more and feel less pressured. I actually felt more relaxed, accomplished and successful than I have in awhile and alot less anxious. I did have a moment where I didn't plan enought itme and rushed to cook food and get to the gym as soon as I could and I was dwelling not only on being late but anger towards someone else, likely an attempt to lessen the anxiety of being late.

I also learned that even if I have free moments (like when i'm cooking), that doesn't mean I have to force myself to fill them with extra self-help stuff especially if I'm already exhausted or overwhelmed. I tried to do the pain-pleasure with judgement and I became very irritable and doubted what I was doing. I guess it was my mind's way of telling me to stop (yes a secondary gain). It kept me from pushing myself too much and working myself till I was sick. I was ineffective with my efforts, I made myself more overwhelmed and I linked pain to the activity. It would have been better to just relax myself to decrease the pressure and do the activity when I was feeling more relaxed and not overwhelmed. No wonder I have kept sabbotaging my efforts.


Thought replacement
Ok with this I did like 7 of these things but to keep this shorter, I'm just going to pick 3 to post.

1)Its not going to matter if I associate pain and pleasure to discouragement, it won't take it away especially if I'm feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
(Discouraged, Hopeless, Worthless)
[All-Or-Nothing Thinking- In this statement I am saying that I'm not going to feel better until I completely stop the discouraging thoughts]
->Its not possible to make all these thoughts go away but it is possible to reduce the time I dwell and believe the thoughts and that will help me out tremendously in overcoming the condition and the more time I spend using the pain-pleasure method, the better I get with reducing the effects of the thoughts.

2)I don't want to listen to music while I walk but I have to or else I won't be able to handle the anxiety
(Irritable, Overwhelmed, Guilty, Worthless, Angry)
[Emotional Reasoning- In this statement I am saying I have to do something I don't want to do because of my fear of feeling anxious.
Minimization- I am minimizing my ability to handle the anxiety
Magnification- I am making anxiety seem bigger than it really is
All-Or-Nothing Thinking- I am saying that I am not capable of dealing with it at all if the anxiety still affects me]
(Ok I was already feeling better just categorizing them that I actually forgot to replace the thought...haha)

3)I cannot concentrate enough to let person X, know that I don't appreciate him complaining that I don't hear everything that he says over the phone.
(Inferior, Hopeless, Discouraged, Afraid)
[Fortune telling- I am saying that because the negative situation has happened before that this time will be negative as well
Emotional Reasoning- I am saying in this statement that because of how I feel with the anxiety it is impossible
Magnify- I am putting more importance on doing it the "right" way then needs to be and making the anxiety and messing up seem alot bigger than it actually is
Minimization- I am minimizing my abilities to express myself and communicate as well as my ability to handle the anxiety
All-Or-Nothing Thinking- I am stating what if I can't do it right then I can't do it at all]

->I may get anxious and have a harder time concentrating but that doesn't mean I completely lose my ability to concentrate or my ability to talk either. I still have the ability to try and it isn't devastating if I don't do it the "right" way or if it comes out all wierd, thats ok. The only thing that really causes me problems is the anticipation of the situation going wrong. I have the ability to choose weather I support myself or work against myself.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Ok I am going to modify my posts a bit. In the past, I've obsessively posted and made my posts so long that many people didn't even bother reading them so less is better.

Activities Planned
Yoga
Relaxation*
Call a friend or visit them*
Thought replacement on paper*
Journal*
Work on Organization*
Add to Gratitude List
Add to Law of Attraction List
Work on lesson 13*
Tai-chi
Make Food*
Post on Forums*
Sleep Motivation*
Judgement
Add Raw Bran to Diet*
Stretch out hips

Ok I got most of the things done. I was however pretty tired and more irritable today so I decided to put off some of the things till the next day. I decided to move working on the book work till tomorrow, working on organization, tai-chi, sleep motivation, judgement and Raw Bran to tomorrow. I didn't end up doing yoga today.

Journal Entry
Had a bunch of things planned for the day but then my friend called and said he skipped out of work because of a big anxiety attack he had and so I went over there. It was a good lesson on being flexible with my schedual. I had to push some things to the next day and that was fine.

I missed out on yoga but thats was ok because by the time it came to going I was already too late and I realized I was pushing myself and was already exhausted and have learned that pushing myself when I'm in that state just makes me resentful so I just didn't do it.

Went with my friend ot his friend's place, I was tired already and was getting anxious because I was beating myself up for not being more social. I felt better after replacing that on paper. I also am starting to address how I magnify the importance of other people's problems on my life.

Thought Replacement
1)I should have been more social at my friend's friend's place. They must think I'm arrogant.
(Guilty, Ashamed, Inferior, Worthless)
[Should- I am beating myself up for not responding beyound my current social limitations
Mind REading- I am assuming that they think poorly of me without any evidence and in fact with the opposite evidence]
->It would have been more enjoyable if I was more social but this still is a limitation and it takes awhile to become comfortable with limitations. I did the best I could today and the more I expose myself to this, the more comfortable and social I will become. I may feel bad that I wasn't more social but nobody has complained and my friend even said his friends like me.

2)I look so stupid with the stupid grin on my face.
(Worthless, Ashamed, Hopeless, Resentful)
[Mental Filter-I am focusing only on how akward I am appearing and ignoring the whole picture
Magnification-I am magnifying the importance of my akwardness and making it seem worse than it really is
Label-I am calling myself stupid and negatively categorizing how I look]
->Stupid is not a look, it is a judgement for akwardness. I feel akward so it would make sense to look akward and thas ok. I suffer from anxiety so it would make sense to be akward, everybody feels this way at times, its perfectly normal.

3)I don't deserve to be happy or be around good people because I'm too wierd, arrogant and stupid.
(Inferior, Ashamed, Worthless)
[Label- I am categorizing myself very negatively. I am saying that I am a bad person and if i'm a bad person then I don't deserve good things.
Mental Filter-I am only focusing on the negative parts of myself
Magnification-I am overemphasizing the negative things I perceive about myself]
->I struggle with anxiety and because of this I may come across as wierd, arrogant or even stupid but those things are not me and I have many great qualities about me like my determination to help others, my compassion, my humor and my drive to improve myself. I deserve good things and people in my life like everybody else.

4)He shouldn't believe those beliefs, they are wrong and are only going to make life impossible to live.
(Afraid, Hopeless/Doomed)
[Should-I am expecting him to see the error in the belief and change it
Fortune Telling-I am saying with this thought that his life will turn out a certain way with certainty without proof to back me up but based on how my life turned out]
->Those beliefs are wrong for my life but they seem to work for him and his life is diffrent from mine so how am I to know how his life will turn out with those beliefs? This is his path and not my own and I need to let him walk his path and me walk mine.


MIke

[Paisleegreen]

I've read your posts Mike, and looks like you are doing good. I can't even get to this part of doing things, because it is such a struggle to just get out of bed and get dressed. I say my Therapist with DH 2 days ago. So we had a good discussion of what to work on together.

I did a really scary thing yesterday, it took a lot of mental energy and I stressed over it big time. I had anxiety symptoms all night long.

I finally sent pics of my sister's place to the siblings. They were all astonished at how bad it is. One brother said that it was 10 times worst than he imagined and came to the conclusion that she should live with another person and someone else managing her money. That was the consensus before I made the trip in Jan with DH.

The strange thing is that during all this communication via Internet, DH says that my sister should go live in China. I thought why he is saying that. It is just off the cuff comment that has nothing to do what soever with the issue at hand with my sister. ( He has done this before other times in our married life)

I couldn't believe he was throwing in this comment and questioned what did he mean. Well, with the money she gets, she could live pretty good in China. I'm thinking how realistic is this? She's not going to China. And she gets government aid so how could she live in China? Why would she live in China, she doesn't speak Chinese?

Anyway, I couldn't sleep well last night as the stresses of first forwarding on these pics and having to relive the experience of my visit to my sister's was not fun. I haven't talked with her since, as it would be distressing as I know her plight and she isn't going to tell me the truth and I'll just worry more about her.

But DH's comment was just strange. Any insight anybody? Paislee

[NinjaFrodo]

Paisleegreen
Well thank you, I'm getting more back into doing the program than I was before.

Thats really unfortunate that you struggle even to get out of bed. There was a period in my life many years ago where I was afraid of even leaving my room, I did not feel safe so I can understand what you are talking about with that. If you can't do all of the things in the program then don't expect yourself to. If all you can do is listen to the lesson cds, then just do that. Do what you are capable of doing, not what I'm capable of doing or what other people are capable of doing.

It also sounds like your anxiety is getting worse than before. Is this so or am I misinterpreting things?

I really don't understand the whole china comment. I can't imagine how living in china would help anybody...the pollution, the laws, the enormous ammount of people...it makes me anxious just thinking about it!!! Is this comment in the overall scheme of things as important as it really seems? Does it matter that much?


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Mike--As far as the comment about China, no it really doesn't matter that much. I'm just trying to understand it DH has a little bit of ADD. So he comes up with comments like these off and on. I think his thinking just went sidetracked and I'm not sure what he was trying to do. If it was suppose to be a joke or what, remember he is sarcastic, and I don't know if he was reactiing to what my brothers were saying about my sister's problem. One brother can come across, actually both of them as not caring, when in a way they are being very logical and giving tough love. They have high expectations of themselves and others. One runs marathons and the other does triathlons. So they are both fit and have college degrees and live an orderly lifestyle.

So I don't know if maybe one of my brothers comments triggered something in my husband to come up with that remark.
He also did another odd thing as well the other day. We volunteer in a pre-school nursery and the other Nursery people were complaining that their rubbermaids for dolls was missing. I checked my cupboard and we had our container of dolls, but noticed there were more in there than usual. So a female co-volunteer and I looked at the dolls and decided which ones we wanted to keep and give the others back to the other nursery. But we didn't have time that moment to make to sort through the bin.

Then while we were having singing time with the children and DH was fixing snacks in another room he came in to where we were and informed us he gave the other nursery our bin of dolls! The other volunteer and I were surprised and couldn't understand why he would do that when we just had a discussion about going through the bin. Totally caught off guard with this action, to say the least.

We wondered if he heard us talking about it, as he was in the room and only a few feet from where we were standing. Plus he doesn't get involved with the children like we do. He seats and reads to them, but doesn't give any lessons or do singing time with them, etc. So anyway, I went back to the other nursery and took out dolls that weren't familiar to me and then I returned to my nursery with the original bin of dolls.

Then I took a bin that wasn't familiar that had toys in it that I prefer our children not play with. So I returned that to the other nursery and the guys there said that was the one they were missing and the toys in it looked familiar. So it worked out, I got rid of the toys I didn't want nor need in this nursery and they got what they were missing but didn't know how it got that way.

So that was just another out of character action DH did. I know that he is a bit stressed over me being stressed, but still it is strange. I don't know if they are coping mechanisms or he is very tired and distracted.

I have been able to get out of bed for appts and activities where I'm need to be. But to get up and do something that requires some thinking and decision making is a lot harder. I do better after I have a meal consisting of protein, such as; eggs, tuna, chicken and beef. I'm not doing well on sugar or chocolate or other spices. Even vitamins can bug me.

I'm just working on things without AD's now, so it is a new experience. I really have to work on positive thoughts, and getting out or doing some type of exercise. I did great when we had a warm day and I worked in my garden. I felt super afterwards.