The Challenge...Lesson 13

[mcshope]

Hello Everybody,

I hope all of you are doing good.
I am back... I had a very dificult month... Today is not a good day. I have resigned my job. The good thing about it is that I did not resign because of anxiety, actually I have been doing very good with that.
To make a long story short, my supervisor is a control freak... I have a hard time with controlling and rude people. She is both. The amount of work was insane and she wanted everything done by the end of the day... I manage to get her to authorize overtime, and I was willing to work as long as needed to get things done. However on Friday I found that she asked one of my coworkers to go thru my paperwork and make a list of all the things I didn't finish. It was a nightmare.
I am not affraid of hard work or long hours... I have done all that before, but to have a supervisor that treats you like a 5 year old, and doesn't give you room to breath, that is another story.
I feel so bad because I never have quitted a job with an "effective immediately", however I was having a huge amount of anxiety just by thinking of going back on Monday.
So I will go back to work with my husband and I will start looking for a job again.
I guess it was a good test drive and it gives me more ideas on what to look for when I get another job.

I will catch up with my reading and respond to your posts soon.

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
It can be so difficult because we don't want to hurt them by ignoring them, it might come off that we just don't care about them. Don't you agree? It could be many diffrent reasons why they complain and yes some people absolutely "hate" when we point out the positives. For some it can come off as not recognizing how they feel or give the message that what they are doing is wrong and we are trying to control them. Many people who do this have issues that they aren't willing to recognize themselves, it becomes buried and manifests as complaining about other things or even that thing that bothers them and that they don't want to deal with. Yes they can use this as a secondary gain as in they can get attention for their problems, its a false sense of love. I'm trying not to do that myself either.

I get it and yes I feel the exact same way. If a conversation doesn't sound exciting, I feel that its my fault and I need to do something to make it better for the other person and to say the right things to make people feel better. Its a personalization cognitive distortion, that is one I have a hard time recognizing in myself. I think its a people pleasing sorta thing in order to feel worthy of their attention.

Yes I do remember that story with the bee stinging you. I think we just don't like being vulnerable because maybe people won't like us or maybe we won't be able to handle the negative remarks.

Ya I was trying to picture how that would work in my head, it got really confusing and all I could come up with was someone with 2 personalities, one that felt good about themselves and one that felt bad...or maybe it was one person with 2 diffrent heads.

Wow really? So when you grow up does that mean your going to grow another 5 feet or become more womanly? Maybe make it a goal to decide what kind of goals to create for yourself.

Alright, can't wait to see the post.

Paisleegreen
I've had the feeling that you have been struggling alot with the anxiety, with your husband and the shower issue as well as other things because of the grieving thing...at least with your son and your father, is that the case? In theory those body symptoms would be very good distractions from those really painful events. Did those things really sink in before in the past or was it hard to accept the reality of the situation? The death of one's son I could only imagine would be so very painful!

My grandmother was the most "numb" person I have ever come across. She was very depressed and very robotic, it was as if she had no emotions at all and when my mother died (her daughter), she did not appear to be sad what-so-ever. I think she was too lost in her own anxiety that it never really sank in, it was probabbly too painful for her so her mind just blocked it out. Would you say, it might be similar to that?

Mcshope
I'm sorry to hear about the job but happy to hear that you are handling the anxiety good.

I understand how stressful it can be to have to deal with someone who is a control freak, its very stressful just being around them and well you don't deserve that extra stress, frustration and being treated like a 5 year old. One of my old bosses used to be like and she drove many people to quit and one of the people I used to live with kept telling me what to do and how to do it when I already knew how, it was very annoying so I know how you feel.

Control freaks are usually people who are very anxious and don't cope very well with anxiety at all. You likely have had better skills with dealing with stress than her. When you looked at her face, did it seem worried or anxious? Was her face red or her cheekbones? Did she walk fast, talk fast and do everything rushed? This can be a great opportunity to further motivate yourself with the self-help. If you ever get stuck in a rut and can't motivate yourself...just imagine yourself being like her.

Never feel guilty for taking care of yourself. When you become filled with tremendous anxiety over thinking of the next day of work, then you know something needs to change. I'm just curious as to if you practiced your assertiveness skills on her and what your results were.?

By the way I feel that I should mention this. Have you ever watched the Secret? Something you might want to look into when it comes to looking for a job. You could also youtube videos by Ester hicks, she is from the secret and has some very wonderful advice.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Lesson 14 starts tomorrow unless THH needs more time.

[mcshope]

THH

Thank you for your kind words. I think I am dealing with the situation in a healthy way. I don't like the feeling of being controlled, and I used to submit, but not anymore, I deserve better.

Hope

[Paisleegreen]

Mike, you are right. When my son died, it was a shocker! Then a beloved Aunt died, then my mother and then my father became ill and I had to take care of him, then I found out I had been written out of his Will. So had to cope with all of these major changes while still raising my other sons and relating to my older children that were already out of the home, long with my husband's grief. He didn't have the internet to go to, he just had me. And sometimes I got tired of listening to him.

So disappointments followed as we all struggled to find the joy in living again, never the same person as before. Then I weaned off of my meds and aged some more and I got scared! I don't want to go through anymore pain or disappointments. So you are right, my coping skills was distraction and DS took my distractions away from me. All my plans of organizing, gardening, sewing, scrapbooking, beading, traveling, went by the wayside and I was left scared to death!

I'm so glad that my poor sister put me on to Lucinda so that I could find you guys and get the help I needed. It really has changed my life. It is so good to be able to come to a place where I can pour my heart out to and get the support and help that you all have given me, thank you all so much.

Now for Hope, I don't blame you for quitting your job, I've done that a few times, and don't regret doing it at all. Eventually that person is going to have to stand up to someone like herself and she'll have to learn something or become ill by her controlling tendencies. I'm right behind you as you recover and search for a better job.

Just as Ninja said, the Secret has some good ideas in it as well as Marcia Weider's books and CDs. Positive thinking and visualization. I made up a dream notebook and my dreams have come true. I had a dream poster I was working on a year ago, and many things on it have come to past, even though the pictures I cut out from magazines were not ever glued to the poster board, they are still lying on the poster and was put under a shelving unit for safe keeping. It has never been moved, but If I were to pull it out, I would see that many things have come to pass and others I knew in my heart that they were not a good dream to focus on. Such as a vacation in a country that would have been risky to travel to and not in the best interest of my family, which is another goal of mine. So both intentions would have affected each other.

Take care...paislee

[NinjaFrodo]

Here is lesson 14 of the Challenge...http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 65&t=24833

[NinjaFrodo]

Paisleegreen
That sounds like alot happened around the same time that took a toll on you, thats unfortunate.

You said your sister bringing you to the program has changed your life and are glad. What changes have you noticed in yourself because of the program and what can you do to expand those changes?


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Well, it brought an understanding of Panic Attacks. I've never had one before last May and it was very frightening. Also, I didn't know that thoughts affected the anxiety symptoms, I understood depression, but didn't know that it is anxiety that precipitates depression. I only understood for myself maybe being nervous about something, but never heard the word or term as anxiety.

So this is a whole new terminology for me and the hope that I can live my life free of AD's is the main thing I've learned and the steps to do so. CBT is more widely accepted or understood now as helping with depression and anxiety. Talk therapy is recognized as helping with neurotransmitters and what you eat can really affect your nervous system. Since I never was a drinker, smoker, or coffee drinker or use of any caffeineated sodas (unless I'm driving on a long road trip at night), I never under stood the effects of chemicals on the body or brain. Only that I wanted to be in control and healthy so I kept myself clear of these altering chemicals.

It was only until I experienced deep depression that I was introduced to AD's and then lived with them for 10 years until I was tired of them. They really dry my mouth and I think they affected my gum line to recede quicker because I always was sucking on ice chips to relieve the dry mouth syndrome.

Also, Lucinda's explaining about how the panic attacks won't kill you and to just "float with them" or ignore them by telling yourself that it is just my anxiety and try to do something to distract your mind from them.

Another things learned besides what "chemicals" can do to the body and brain, is that food can make things worse or better. I have found that eating high in protein and low in sugars and salt, really helps me to feel better. And I feel stronger as well. I know that my body is getting needed protein to repair muscles and build red blood cells, as well as bones and my fingernails are growing faster. Protein is good for your hair and skin as well. Omega 3's are great for skin and brain functioning.

So these are some of the many things I have learned from Lucinda's program and all of the posters here. Paislee

[THH]

Hope,
Sorry to hear that the job did not work out for you! I think its good that you could see that and made the decision to leave. Its good that your doing better with your anxiety as well! One door closes but another opens as well!

[THH]

Mike,
Oh I do agree that it might come off that we may not care about them. In reality that is so not true. I like to hear of people doing well, what is going right in peoples life. I'm guilty of magical thinking, I want to escape to that land where everything is peaceful and safe. Even if it is in my own mind, I have to remember to run there myself! Ha.

I agree on the people pleasing problem too.

I knew people that ever sense they were little they would say I want to be a teacher, grow up and they are teachers/ same with just about all the goal driven people I knew. I never knew what I wanted to be, and have felt left out . I'm getting better at realizing I wanted a house with horses in my back yard, and I too have my goal! LOL... I WILL make my new goal, to set some new goals! LOL...