Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 2:18 pm
I have the exact same problem, in fact it's my #1 most frustrating of all. I'm wondering if Rica516 might have the key, "if you don't start you can't fail".
At one point I didn't think I liked my job, then I switched to thinking I had a deep seated inclination to sabotage my success, letting myself only get to a certain point, rarely beyond. I basically only get motivated when the situation becomes near desperate so I HAVE to. The really weird part is I'm very motivated coming up w/ suggestions about what my company can otherwise do better & more profitably, which aren't too shabby they've implemented quite a few. But I don't want to switch jobs, I'd rather do this on the side as a "volunteer" where there is in no responsibility involved I guess. So it's almost like I'm more motivated working for free ... what pays me I only do to a minimum.
Also what's really frustrating is I go in spurts, I'll work like crazy (kinda obcessing), then I let myself get distracted ignoring it for a while ... vs working day after day pacing myself so I make steady progress. Ugh I hate it I've been struggling w/ some form of this for my entire life, I even procrastinated doing homework/reports in high school, feeling good I guess about "pulling it all together" at the very last minute. And it seems like I'm getting worse "taking more chances" as the years go by.
Melman ... I do the office in the home thing too the same has happened ... I'm about to get back into an office w/ other people around, otherwise it's way too easy to let yourself become distracted which starts that downward spiral you described. If that's not possible maybe try "pairing" with someone else during the day who does similar work, at least via phone pushing each other. Actually my boss (who btw is very smart, successful & productive) is the one who clarified it in my mind, he said he doesn't know how I do it working alone all day from home he'd de-motivate and end up watching tv. The truth is I'm not doing it, and it's getting worse causing me anxiety like crazy.
Scaredygrl ... maybe you're right about the perfectionism thing you're describing me to a 't'. What was the deal w/ your parents plus how would it feel if you became real successful and made a lot of $:
... would it feel good?
... would they be proud of you?
... or instead would it feel kind of embarrassing maybe since they
weren't able to do the same for you.
... do you think you DESERVE to make a lot of $?
Sometimes I wonder about this myself, I tend to be quite generous and emphathize with poor people ... to the point where I have caught myself feeling a little guilty about my success, when they have so little. It's not a huge issue but something in the back of my mind.
Drg ... Wayne Dyer thanks, maybe I'll try it.
Ann2115 ... I've done this with bills a few times, usually it happens when I'm "obcessed" with something else on my mind I don't want to interrupt. I get SUPER focused like this when I'm really engrossed in a project (which can last for weeks), I think about it in the shower, walking the dog, etc. jotting ideas as they arise.
If I could just go through my days steadily, without feeling like I'm either rotating between obcessions or putting out fires (I caused myself by procrastinating) I'd be happy as a pig in you-kno-what! Something about me craves "drama and disaster" I guess ... hate it--hate it--hate it.
RIca 516 ... how else is your "fear of failure" manifested? I detest failing or losing arguments (so to speak), will go to practically any length to avoid it. I'm not good at losing games (easier not to play) and I can feel other people's pain, changing the conversation or tv channel sometimes to avoid it. I won't repeat what my therapist said about this delightful inclination ... wasn't pretty yuck, yuck.
Anyway, what do you think about the possibility of it being guilt so we end up sabotaging our success, that's kind of like how it is for me. I did have the whole "we sacrifice everything for you kids" thing going on, and my parents had a run of very tight years after my Dad got hurt and couldn't find a job, all that.
At one point I even thought I had a deep seated aversion to my job because in the beginning my Mom was the one who actually pushed me to take it (during one of my frustrating, unproductive times) ... vs it being something I chose on my own. But I dunno that's a long shot it's been 18 years yuck, yuck. Analysis paralysis here huh!
My sister has a super heavy work load, she keeps saying "break it down" into a series of little jobs just "do something" and before long it'll be done. It's worked a few times but I still have this dark cloud over me, kind of like I'm waiting for something---gawd knows what---before I even want to get started.
Or maybe it's just a general fear like Healthy_me said, so forget the details and focus on not letting it rule our lives---period.
I dunno ... but you definitely hit the nail on the head for me w/ this topic Celeste. Thanks it's helped expressing it.
At one point I didn't think I liked my job, then I switched to thinking I had a deep seated inclination to sabotage my success, letting myself only get to a certain point, rarely beyond. I basically only get motivated when the situation becomes near desperate so I HAVE to. The really weird part is I'm very motivated coming up w/ suggestions about what my company can otherwise do better & more profitably, which aren't too shabby they've implemented quite a few. But I don't want to switch jobs, I'd rather do this on the side as a "volunteer" where there is in no responsibility involved I guess. So it's almost like I'm more motivated working for free ... what pays me I only do to a minimum.
Also what's really frustrating is I go in spurts, I'll work like crazy (kinda obcessing), then I let myself get distracted ignoring it for a while ... vs working day after day pacing myself so I make steady progress. Ugh I hate it I've been struggling w/ some form of this for my entire life, I even procrastinated doing homework/reports in high school, feeling good I guess about "pulling it all together" at the very last minute. And it seems like I'm getting worse "taking more chances" as the years go by.
Melman ... I do the office in the home thing too the same has happened ... I'm about to get back into an office w/ other people around, otherwise it's way too easy to let yourself become distracted which starts that downward spiral you described. If that's not possible maybe try "pairing" with someone else during the day who does similar work, at least via phone pushing each other. Actually my boss (who btw is very smart, successful & productive) is the one who clarified it in my mind, he said he doesn't know how I do it working alone all day from home he'd de-motivate and end up watching tv. The truth is I'm not doing it, and it's getting worse causing me anxiety like crazy.
Scaredygrl ... maybe you're right about the perfectionism thing you're describing me to a 't'. What was the deal w/ your parents plus how would it feel if you became real successful and made a lot of $:
... would it feel good?
... would they be proud of you?
... or instead would it feel kind of embarrassing maybe since they
weren't able to do the same for you.
... do you think you DESERVE to make a lot of $?
Sometimes I wonder about this myself, I tend to be quite generous and emphathize with poor people ... to the point where I have caught myself feeling a little guilty about my success, when they have so little. It's not a huge issue but something in the back of my mind.
Drg ... Wayne Dyer thanks, maybe I'll try it.
Ann2115 ... I've done this with bills a few times, usually it happens when I'm "obcessed" with something else on my mind I don't want to interrupt. I get SUPER focused like this when I'm really engrossed in a project (which can last for weeks), I think about it in the shower, walking the dog, etc. jotting ideas as they arise.
If I could just go through my days steadily, without feeling like I'm either rotating between obcessions or putting out fires (I caused myself by procrastinating) I'd be happy as a pig in you-kno-what! Something about me craves "drama and disaster" I guess ... hate it--hate it--hate it.
RIca 516 ... how else is your "fear of failure" manifested? I detest failing or losing arguments (so to speak), will go to practically any length to avoid it. I'm not good at losing games (easier not to play) and I can feel other people's pain, changing the conversation or tv channel sometimes to avoid it. I won't repeat what my therapist said about this delightful inclination ... wasn't pretty yuck, yuck.
Anyway, what do you think about the possibility of it being guilt so we end up sabotaging our success, that's kind of like how it is for me. I did have the whole "we sacrifice everything for you kids" thing going on, and my parents had a run of very tight years after my Dad got hurt and couldn't find a job, all that.
At one point I even thought I had a deep seated aversion to my job because in the beginning my Mom was the one who actually pushed me to take it (during one of my frustrating, unproductive times) ... vs it being something I chose on my own. But I dunno that's a long shot it's been 18 years yuck, yuck. Analysis paralysis here huh!
My sister has a super heavy work load, she keeps saying "break it down" into a series of little jobs just "do something" and before long it'll be done. It's worked a few times but I still have this dark cloud over me, kind of like I'm waiting for something---gawd knows what---before I even want to get started.
Or maybe it's just a general fear like Healthy_me said, so forget the details and focus on not letting it rule our lives---period.
I dunno ... but you definitely hit the nail on the head for me w/ this topic Celeste. Thanks it's helped expressing it.