Avoidance of work and procrastination

Learn how to bring order back into your life by making reasonable action plans, stop over-scheduling, and become comfortable with asking for help when you need it.
Celeste
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 5:55 am

Post by Celeste » Fri Mar 31, 2006 12:00 am

Hi everyone,
I've gotten so much out of the program, but somethinghas kind of been nagging at me.a lot of the discussion is about how we push ourselves if we have A&D. My problem is kind of the opposite. A lot of my anxiety has to do with the fact that because I am so anxious about work, etc. I avoid doing things, so I'm actually not pushing myself. I spend a lot of time procrastinating and doing nothing and then beating myself up over it. I am having to do the opposite of what is being talked about, ie. having to make myself work harder and do more. Am I the only one with this problem?

*Crys*
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2005 9:33 am

Post by *Crys* » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:18 am

I do the exact same thing! It's like the work makes me anxious so I go and do other things, but then I feel horrible for not getting anything done, and the guilt makes it harder to get started. It's a big vicious cycle for me!

Healthy_me
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2006 2:43 pm

Post by Healthy_me » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:53 am

Do you think its that we are so afraid we cannot take care of ourselves or that work will challenge us too much that we try to set others expectations of us really low? I have two job offers on the table and one is for a very technical job that I fear I won't have the intelligence to do and the other is for a lower level job that I fear I won't have the communication skills to do. I'm trying NOT to what if myself and torture myself...trying to be positive - BUT gosh its really HARD. :( I will not succomb to these fears. I will not let this rule my life I need money and benefits :(

rica516
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2005 3:00 am

Post by rica516 » Sun Apr 09, 2006 3:10 pm

For me it has to do with fear of failure. If I don't start I can't fail. It's what I've been working on the most in counseling. Yup, I'm a perfectionist. I've started a new mantra "Good is good enough".

Ann2115
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2005 12:06 am

Post by Ann2115 » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:47 pm

Gosh why didnt i schedule time to read these things in the forum before week 13(oops that was negative)I change that to boy am i glad to find this forum and see that others view the same things i do.
Im right with you on this one, Im always procrastinating my job and other requirements and iv found i have to push myself to face these things . My biggest avoidance is my bills, I fear the fact that i will have no money left and therefor i make reasons to not face them.
ONly in the aftermath i find that had i faced it earlier than the bills wouldnt have been so bad and overwhelming.
Now my fear is knowing that i have to tackle that fear.

drg
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 2:00 am

Post by drg » Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:05 am

I've had the avoidance problem as well. It makes life very difficult--causing a huge downhill spiral. So, I've worked very hard on the Program, going through the whole thing twice and referring back to it on a regular basis. I listen to the Positive Thought Replacement tape everyday. I seemed to be "stuck" or even going backwards, though in some ways I was making progress. It didn't make sense. But, I've been reading Christian self-help type books (Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen and Dr. Wayne Dyer) the past few months. Now, when I get up in the morning I'm ready to do everything that I'm supposed to do that day. The Dr. Dyer book hit the spot--The Power of Intention. I'm not afraid to start my day anymore. I wake up with a smile on my face, tell God thank you for getting me to this day, say my prayers and spend some quiet time with God, then set out on the rest of my day. It's a wonderful feeling! So much better than anxious and depressed!!! I hope that you'll be able to find the answer that works for you. Take care.

scaredygrl
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 4:31 pm

Post by scaredygrl » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:58 pm

it's like you guys tapped into my brain or something, lol.

uh, yeah. i have started and quit many many things because when the ball got rolling and i felt 'locked' into the responsibility i felt i would eventually muck it up and abandon ship before i mucked it up. i quit med school, i quit law school (after going thru the hardest part, agh) and a million other things because i was afraid of responsibility and screwing something up.

now i sit around and do pretty much nothing. which is SOOO much worse than school/work/whatever else. i feel like i failure because i don't do anything. i'm trying to get the guts up to return to law school but it's a scary prospect for me. i did fine, but the end of year 1 was when my panic attacks started, so i've been hesitant to return, even tho it would probably be really good for me.

i also think that i associate work w/scary stuff because i have had a lot of bad work experiences - from sexual harrassment to getting fired because of gossip/rumors about me leaving work for personal matters (in reality, my dad had a severe stroke and i spent my time away from work at the hospital w/him). so when i think of working/getting a job i think of all that and recoil.

guess that's not very helpful, but i can relate to what you're saying. i think it all boils down to my self esteem. i need to convince myself that i can handle responsibilities and can do a good job w/stuff.

scaredygrl
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 4:31 pm

Post by scaredygrl » Mon Apr 24, 2006 1:00 pm

i should also say that avoiding work/responsibilities and abandoning projects is a total symptom of perfectionism. if things don't go perfectly/how you have them going in your mind, you abandon it because it's not 'perfect'. i think lots of peeps think of perfectionists as overachieveing type A people, but usually its the procrastinators and project abandoners that are perfectionists...

melman
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 6:45 pm

Post by melman » Tue May 02, 2006 12:01 pm

This is the first that I have been back to the Stress website for several months. It was terrific to hear from some of you. I am self-employed with my office in my home. I too am finding that the avoidance and procrastination has put a huge spriral on things. Deadlines are not being met for clients, the office is a total mess, etc. I start out with good intentions but then I get frustrated and give up. I try positive self talk but it doesn't always work. Anyone have any other suggestions?

Rick
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon May 29, 2006 4:13 am

Post by Rick » Mon May 29, 2006 2:18 pm

I have the exact same problem, in fact it's my #1 most frustrating of all. I'm wondering if Rica516 might have the key, "if you don't start you can't fail".

At one point I didn't think I liked my job, then I switched to thinking I had a deep seated inclination to sabotage my success, letting myself only get to a certain point, rarely beyond. I basically only get motivated when the situation becomes near desperate so I HAVE to. The really weird part is I'm very motivated coming up w/ suggestions about what my company can otherwise do better & more profitably, which aren't too shabby they've implemented quite a few. But I don't want to switch jobs, I'd rather do this on the side as a "volunteer" where there is in no responsibility involved I guess. So it's almost like I'm more motivated working for free ... what pays me I only do to a minimum.

Also what's really frustrating is I go in spurts, I'll work like crazy (kinda obcessing), then I let myself get distracted ignoring it for a while ... vs working day after day pacing myself so I make steady progress. Ugh I hate it I've been struggling w/ some form of this for my entire life, I even procrastinated doing homework/reports in high school, feeling good I guess about "pulling it all together" at the very last minute. And it seems like I'm getting worse "taking more chances" as the years go by.

Melman ... I do the office in the home thing too the same has happened ... I'm about to get back into an office w/ other people around, otherwise it's way too easy to let yourself become distracted which starts that downward spiral you described. If that's not possible maybe try "pairing" with someone else during the day who does similar work, at least via phone pushing each other. Actually my boss (who btw is very smart, successful & productive) is the one who clarified it in my mind, he said he doesn't know how I do it working alone all day from home he'd de-motivate and end up watching tv. The truth is I'm not doing it, and it's getting worse causing me anxiety like crazy.

Scaredygrl ... maybe you're right about the perfectionism thing you're describing me to a 't'. What was the deal w/ your parents plus how would it feel if you became real successful and made a lot of $:
... would it feel good?
... would they be proud of you?
... or instead would it feel kind of embarrassing maybe since they
weren't able to do the same for you.
... do you think you DESERVE to make a lot of $?

Sometimes I wonder about this myself, I tend to be quite generous and emphathize with poor people ... to the point where I have caught myself feeling a little guilty about my success, when they have so little. It's not a huge issue but something in the back of my mind.

Drg ... Wayne Dyer thanks, maybe I'll try it.

Ann2115 ... I've done this with bills a few times, usually it happens when I'm "obcessed" with something else on my mind I don't want to interrupt. I get SUPER focused like this when I'm really engrossed in a project (which can last for weeks), I think about it in the shower, walking the dog, etc. jotting ideas as they arise.

If I could just go through my days steadily, without feeling like I'm either rotating between obcessions or putting out fires (I caused myself by procrastinating) I'd be happy as a pig in you-kno-what! Something about me craves "drama and disaster" I guess ... hate it--hate it--hate it.

RIca 516 ... how else is your "fear of failure" manifested? I detest failing or losing arguments (so to speak), will go to practically any length to avoid it. I'm not good at losing games (easier not to play) and I can feel other people's pain, changing the conversation or tv channel sometimes to avoid it. I won't repeat what my therapist said about this delightful inclination ... wasn't pretty yuck, yuck.

Anyway, what do you think about the possibility of it being guilt so we end up sabotaging our success, that's kind of like how it is for me. I did have the whole "we sacrifice everything for you kids" thing going on, and my parents had a run of very tight years after my Dad got hurt and couldn't find a job, all that.

At one point I even thought I had a deep seated aversion to my job because in the beginning my Mom was the one who actually pushed me to take it (during one of my frustrating, unproductive times) ... vs it being something I chose on my own. But I dunno that's a long shot it's been 18 years yuck, yuck. Analysis paralysis here huh!

My sister has a super heavy work load, she keeps saying "break it down" into a series of little jobs just "do something" and before long it'll be done. It's worked a few times but I still have this dark cloud over me, kind of like I'm waiting for something---gawd knows what---before I even want to get started.

Or maybe it's just a general fear like Healthy_me said, so forget the details and focus on not letting it rule our lives---period.

I dunno ... but you definitely hit the nail on the head for me w/ this topic Celeste. Thanks it's helped expressing it.

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