Avoidance of work and procrastination

Learn how to bring order back into your life by making reasonable action plans, stop over-scheduling, and become comfortable with asking for help when you need it.
Rick
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon May 29, 2006 4:13 am

Post by Rick » Mon May 29, 2006 2:18 pm

I have the exact same problem, in fact it's my #1 most frustrating of all. I'm wondering if Rica516 might have the key, "if you don't start you can't fail".

At one point I didn't think I liked my job, then I switched to thinking I had a deep seated inclination to sabotage my success, letting myself only get to a certain point, rarely beyond. I basically only get motivated when the situation becomes near desperate so I HAVE to. The really weird part is I'm very motivated coming up w/ suggestions about what my company can otherwise do better & more profitably, which aren't too shabby they've implemented quite a few. But I don't want to switch jobs, I'd rather do this on the side as a "volunteer" where there is in no responsibility involved I guess. So it's almost like I'm more motivated working for free ... what pays me I only do to a minimum.

Also what's really frustrating is I go in spurts, I'll work like crazy (kinda obcessing), then I let myself get distracted ignoring it for a while ... vs working day after day pacing myself so I make steady progress. Ugh I hate it I've been struggling w/ some form of this for my entire life, I even procrastinated doing homework/reports in high school, feeling good I guess about "pulling it all together" at the very last minute. And it seems like I'm getting worse "taking more chances" as the years go by.

Melman ... I do the office in the home thing too the same has happened ... I'm about to get back into an office w/ other people around, otherwise it's way too easy to let yourself become distracted which starts that downward spiral you described. If that's not possible maybe try "pairing" with someone else during the day who does similar work, at least via phone pushing each other. Actually my boss (who btw is very smart, successful & productive) is the one who clarified it in my mind, he said he doesn't know how I do it working alone all day from home he'd de-motivate and end up watching tv. The truth is I'm not doing it, and it's getting worse causing me anxiety like crazy.

Scaredygrl ... maybe you're right about the perfectionism thing you're describing me to a 't'. What was the deal w/ your parents plus how would it feel if you became real successful and made a lot of $:
... would it feel good?
... would they be proud of you?
... or instead would it feel kind of embarrassing maybe since they
weren't able to do the same for you.
... do you think you DESERVE to make a lot of $?

Sometimes I wonder about this myself, I tend to be quite generous and emphathize with poor people ... to the point where I have caught myself feeling a little guilty about my success, when they have so little. It's not a huge issue but something in the back of my mind.

Drg ... Wayne Dyer thanks, maybe I'll try it.

Ann2115 ... I've done this with bills a few times, usually it happens when I'm "obcessed" with something else on my mind I don't want to interrupt. I get SUPER focused like this when I'm really engrossed in a project (which can last for weeks), I think about it in the shower, walking the dog, etc. jotting ideas as they arise.

If I could just go through my days steadily, without feeling like I'm either rotating between obcessions or putting out fires (I caused myself by procrastinating) I'd be happy as a pig in you-kno-what! Something about me craves "drama and disaster" I guess ... hate it--hate it--hate it.

RIca 516 ... how else is your "fear of failure" manifested? I detest failing or losing arguments (so to speak), will go to practically any length to avoid it. I'm not good at losing games (easier not to play) and I can feel other people's pain, changing the conversation or tv channel sometimes to avoid it. I won't repeat what my therapist said about this delightful inclination ... wasn't pretty yuck, yuck.

Anyway, what do you think about the possibility of it being guilt so we end up sabotaging our success, that's kind of like how it is for me. I did have the whole "we sacrifice everything for you kids" thing going on, and my parents had a run of very tight years after my Dad got hurt and couldn't find a job, all that.

At one point I even thought I had a deep seated aversion to my job because in the beginning my Mom was the one who actually pushed me to take it (during one of my frustrating, unproductive times) ... vs it being something I chose on my own. But I dunno that's a long shot it's been 18 years yuck, yuck. Analysis paralysis here huh!

My sister has a super heavy work load, she keeps saying "break it down" into a series of little jobs just "do something" and before long it'll be done. It's worked a few times but I still have this dark cloud over me, kind of like I'm waiting for something---gawd knows what---before I even want to get started.

Or maybe it's just a general fear like Healthy_me said, so forget the details and focus on not letting it rule our lives---period.

I dunno ... but you definitely hit the nail on the head for me w/ this topic Celeste. Thanks it's helped expressing it.

hopeforme?
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:44 am

Post by hopeforme? » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:23 pm

I'm so confused with life. i pretty much dislike everything about myself. its ruining my marriage, i havent been to work in months, and i am thinking of either moving away or ending it. i am going through the program but still feel the same.

i dont know. guess ill pray.

BreakingBob
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2002 3:00 am

Post by BreakingBob » Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:34 am

I can certainly identify with this topic. I procrastinate at work and school, and it has been a major source of stress. I think I procrastinate for a variety of reasons; I have a fear of failure, perfectionist expectations, avoidance, and sometimes just plain old laziness.

I have gotten in trouble at work and caused myself (and my family) undue stress simply because I did not do what needed to be done. Rick's sister's advice to break things into small, more manageable pieces is good advice. My doctor also told me to quit expecting things to be perfect - easier said than done - but his analogy was after I had worked on a paper for school for 12 hours, would 14 hours have made it a better paper? Sometimes things have to be good enough and not perfect.
Bob

traveller
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:22 am

Post by traveller » Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:11 pm

Thank you, thank you, all of you!! I'm so glad to read that I'm not alone in procrastinating and hiding away.

I've been listening to the session and it's really stressing me! I'm beating myself up for not being the over-achiever they are and who I should be, utterly unable to combat the negative thoughts -- how can I combat these negative thoughts when they are actually true? I'm really trying to be compassionate with myself, but I'm letting people down who are counting on me.

auntg
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:10 pm

Post by auntg » Tue Aug 17, 2010 6:27 am

Wow! All of you are describing exactly what I have been struggling with the past year. I have been through the program and feel like I have overcome the majority of my issues but this one. This is not a trait I have always had, I have been just the opposite most of my life... very productive and organized. Now I freeze at the thought of doing basic house chores and especially working in my home office like some of you mentioned. I was excited to see this topic posted but was hoping for a little more advice on what has helped someone overcome this paralizing problem.

I liked the phrase "Good is good enough" but having trouble putting that into practice.

*slimjim
Posts: 65
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:52 pm

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