The Challenge...Lesson 13

[THH]

I will be back Friday, if the site is up, seen more Russian porn on the top half again!
Its late and lots to read tonight.

[Paisleegreen]

HI THH-You'll be back today or next Friday?

Mike--I was posting the same China thing on AZ and they commented that maybe DH was just thinking of my sister's situation as being like living in China. Plus the saying that parents use to say about "eat your dinner, or don't waste your food, there are people starving in China".

[THH]

Paisleee, Today! LOL...


#3. I do have to watch my "fix it" instinct in this lesson. I have in the past jumped in with very little prompting and tried to offer advice, help when someone tells me their woes. When I hear pain in a voice or hear severe negative talk I have been taking a different coarse. Of coarse being sympathetic but not to the point I involve my self to offer help to where someone can "dump" their problem on me and I work on it for hours, then to be told that was not my real problem, its this! Or boy this conversation is lagging I need to brighten it up, change the flow ~ I have to be on, bright, sharp! I can go places and be with others and just be, how ever I am feeling. They will except me this way as well. Maybe more?

Pride- a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Arrogance -offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.


Pride for me, is tough balance. It is a tough call between a healthy self esteem, & arrogance.
Funny about this as I felt when I started this program, that I had a low self esteem. After taking another look, maybe I have a healthy self esteem??? Maybe I just had a low opinion of my self?
Arrogance, I really get this one, and I don't believe I feel I am arrogant!

#9. This time of the year this one is fairly easy for me, as our business is slow, and the demands are low. So I can practice this one with not as many pressures.
When I get up, I think of what needs done today.
Laundry
Plow driveway ( again!)
grocery shop
Banking
Do the barn
Cook
Return calls
EXTRAS: do tax prep sheet, help mom with her computer, trim dads dogs nails.

Some days I just get 2 things on the list, other days I get the whole list finished! I am getting better at flexibility. I need to watch driving myself to get the entire list done daily. It is ok if one or many things on the list are not done.

We should do #8. Make a list of all the things we do that are a waste of time. I have to think on this one, probably a few surprises in here! LOL...

[THH]

Paislee,
On your husbands comment about china, maybe he was thinking, they all live in such small cramped places she could not have much space to save everything? Just a thought?
It has to be painful to see your sister living like she does. I have a uncle who never married in his 70's. His house is very disturbing to me. Part of me is get involved and part of me is stay out of it. He despises help when one goes in there with I will help you clean your house attitude. We have just let him do his own thing. I have talked to people at his church about it, and last spring the youth group was able to go in and make a difference. Just a thought. Sometimes we are too close and the person gets too angry. Someone out side has a better chance. Just a few of my thoughts.
One day at a time...

[NinjaFrodo]

Paisleegreen
That must be very difficult to have that problem with getting out of bed, I could see how depressing that would be. I get that way If I haven't had a bowel movement for awhile and then I have to flush my whole system out with laxative teas and sometimes even water with uniodized sea salt in it, usually makes it alot easier to handle stress and feel motivated enough to do things. Well hope it gets better.

THH
I'm glad you choose #3. I actually forgot about this action assignment and lets say I fell into this trap today, it is so hard because we suffer and we project our own suffering on other people and we want to prevent it. For me it feels like a doomed feeling if I don't.

Yeah sympathy is important like you say not to the point where you are becoming consumed with their problems and finding a solution. It actually causes me alot of anxiety when someone talks about their problems to me in face to face or over the phone conversations because of that. Its a challenge to remember the old communication techniques where you either change the subject or you find a grain of truth and empathize with what they say and not offer advice.

I do not get your last statement about going to places and being with others and just be and them excepting you. Maybe its just hard for me to imagine how that works...perhaps fear gets in the way?

I usually don't use the word Pride but instead use Ego. Ego for me is placing yourself above others in an attempt to make you feel superior in order to feel worthy.
Can you really have healthy self-esteem but a low opinion of yourself?
You don't seem arrogant to me either. I can get arrogant myself but again I link that to egotism.

Wow thats some good underloading! What do you do when you aren't doing those things? Do you have other goals for yourself?

We could do #8 however i'm not sure what I do that is a waste of time. I've mostly just forced myself to do self-help stuff and thats not really stupid and wasteful but I guess it could be if i'm really exhausted and am not into it...let me think on that one too.


MIke

[NinjaFrodo]

Yestaurday
I woke up pretty early because i'm working on creating a sleep routine and so I got less sleep then i would have liked and was already tired and not able to handle too much. I tried the hour of power and got overwhelmed but kept pushing myself. I eventually stopped because I was really overwhlemed and I cancelled out the rest of my schedualled day and watched tv.

Today
I wanted to do a few things and so I did. I then went to the gym and was starting to get overwhelmed and then I finished and headed over to my friends who was struggling with an upset. I listened and well I was already burning out and my instinct to help kicked in and I was saying things like "well it could have happened because of this..." or "maybe they were thinking this" and I was even took a book from my friend's shelf (the book I'm lending him) and he said "no, don't quote the book" and I didn't listen to him and quoted it and it made him frustrated and more overwhelmed and me as well. I was completely uneffective and just burned myself out more. I just felt so hopeless for his situation, I just wanted to fix it and make it so he wouldn't suffer anymore. I actually felt a little guilty for not saying the right things.

So we ended that conversation and watched some funny videos, I then ate some crappy Mac Donalds food and then took the subway home instead of overwhelming myself even more by walking home. Then I did some self-help stuff and forced myself to post on here because I really want to get this information on here and respond to the posts and now i'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and will spend the rest of the night watching movies and such.

I was going to post my thought replacements but I just really don't feel like it today.

Action Assignments
#9 Well I've realized I have many goals I want to achieve so I wrote a bunch down and choose about 7 of them and wrote out some activities I can do to achieve these goals and thats how I will figure out how to plan my days

#5 I am slowing down and I really focused on this while making food and having breakfast before heading to the gym today and even though I was feeling anxious, I wasn't feeling as anxious and was starting to feel more calm




Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Action Assignment #8 As Requested
DEFINATELY a good thing that you picked this one out. At first I was thinking, "I don't do anything that is wasteful. Most of what I do is self-help and self-improvement stuff" but I actually thought it out and ya, there were a few suprises as you predicted there might be. I was thinking about the lists I make of things to do for the day and well, many of these things aren't even things that are on the list. They are things that run in the background, maybe even subconscious.

Here is what I have come up with;

-Dwelling on problems of others and spending hours trying to figure out a fix or solution
-Talking to people on msn who are condescending, inconsiderate and trying to hurt me
-Trying to win arguments when it really doesn't matter
-Judging myself and others
-Blaming others for my current misery
-Dwelling on the pain of the past (Yes maybe these people caused the original pain but they do not cause me to relive that pain over and over and over again, that is me doing that)
-Pushing myself to stay up when I'm tired or exhausted
-Holding back from doing what I want to do
-Not doing something because of my Fear of judgement and criticism from others
-Pushing myself when I'm already overwhelmed or exhausted (which is what i'm afraid of doing when getting a job which is why I haven't gotten a job. I'm afraid of myself...not the job)
-Trying to change someone's opinion
-Feeling hopeless or doomed for another person
-Avoiding things because I'm not confident I can do it the "right" way
-Complaining about things that have already happened and I can't change
-Talking to and hanging out with people I don't like or don't want to hangout with
-Eatting white sugary crap
-Doing things in order to feel worthy and worthwhile
-Expecting myself to react to a situation without taking into consideration my limitations, anxiety and struggles
-Catastrophizing my problems/fears as well as others problems/fears
-Playing videogames when I don't want to
-Worrying about what others think of me
-Facing limitations when i'm not rested and am overwhelmed
-Lie to myself about never being able to do certain things or become who I want to be
-Worry about anxiety symptoms
-Expecting myself to do something as good as someone else or what I percieve as the norm
-Disapproving of who I am as a person, my limitations and weaknesses
-Putting myself down for my appearance, short coming, behavior or feelings of akwardness
-Throwing clothes on the ground in my room
-Worrying about situations that aren't likely to happen or there is no evidence of it happening a certain way
-Beating myself up when I fall back into an old habit
-Telling myself I'm not good enough for love and then getting jealous of other people
-Forcing myself to be intimate with others when I am not wanting it
-Overloading my day
-Giving up on something and using anxiety as my excuse.


Hows that for a list?

Action Assignment #4
Journal questions (found on page 13-6)
1)Where have I been?
->I've been mostly stuck in my room for years, living int he past, reliving all the pain that I got from being betrayed and violated and living in the future that was very bleak and scary.

2)Where am I going?
->I am slowly getting back to living life, doing what I want and letting go of the past. I am moving towards who I want to be.

3)What am I all about?
->I'm about my suffering, my anxiety and my self-help but I'm also about my determination and helping others.

4)What in my life gives meaning to my existance?
->Xena, my mission to use my suffering to help others, love and posting on the forums.

5)How are others better for my presence?[This was a big one for me, an eye opener]
->Many have benefitted from my advice as well as my story of how I've gotten through life and benefited from my willingness to listen to them. I give people understanding, recognition and acceptance. I've been hope for some when the situation seemed hopeless. Many of these people have gotten feelings of security when first meeting me and felt comfortable enough to tell me things they've never told others. I've also helped make people's day's brighter by doing nice things for them and by being humourous.

6)What do I feel passionate about?
->Posting my insights on the forums and talking about them, singing, hip-hop at times, defending other people, self-help, helping others

7)What am I doing that feeds that passion?
->I post on the forums and tell people about insights when I have them, do self-help, watch Xena and do hip-hop

8)Am I fulfilled in my career, vocation, avocation?
->Am I fulfilled in my avocation? No, not really because I push myself too much, rush and feel too tired due to lack of sleep and don't allow myself to relax or stop when I get overwhelmed and spend alot of my time worrying about body symptoms which steals me away from the present moment. I even push myself to do hobbies when I don't want to and that just causes more stress.

How do I go about beginning to live my life with purpose?
->Focus on building self-esteem, courage, support and confidence with handling anxiety, getting a social circle and getting a job and building a stronger connection with my spirituality and spirt guides.




Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Lesson 13 Bookwork
Important points;
-Learn how our body, mind and spirit communicates; "Enough for today!"
-Relax before you need to
-People who suffer from anxiety and depression often deplete their energy by constantly over reacting to things and by feeling nervous and anxious

I checked on most of the things from the performance energy test so ya i do have time management issues.

Give 2 examples of days or situations where you feel you pushed yourself too hard
#1- One day when I was already feeling pretty tired and run down I expected myself to do the hour of power, do the pain-pleasure for worth, judgement, discouragement and using old vs new coping skills, walk to the gym, workout, walk home, post on the site, do tai-chi, hip-hop, singing lessons and a few other things when I was already feeling pretty exhausted and run down.

#2- I only got 5-6 hours of sleep and so was already feeling run down and didn't want to do the hour of power but I forced myself and got overwhelmed and kept pushing myself despite that. I was very overwhelmed and burnt out.

What could have I done diffrently to make it easier on myself?
#1- Reduce the number of things I did in the day to something more appropriate and spread the activities throughout the week and stop for the day when I start to get overwhelmed and exhausted.

#2- Not done the thing I didn't want to do or stop when I was starting to feel overwhelmed and spend the day relaxing and taking it easy.

Is there an event upcoming in the next few weeks that could cause a rushed day?
Tuesday when I workout with my workout buddy and then do hip-hop later in the evening.

I definately liked the guidelines for how to manage time, I like most of them.

Where are priorities now?
Security
Health
Relaxation/self-time
Intellect/creative
Entertainment/fun
Friendships
Appearance
Clean/organize
Spiritual
Material possessions
Money
Romance
Time with child

Where would I like my priorities now?
Health
Relaxation
Entertainment/fun
Friends
Romance
Spirituality
Intellect/Creative
Appearance
Money/Career
Clean/Organize
Security
Time with children
Material Possessions


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
It is true for me as well. When someone starts pouring out their troubles face to face with me, I start to get a uneasy feeling. I want to say, I have to go, but sometimes I stand and listen. While I feel such overwhelm, I try to say positive things, or point out the positive things that can in turn cause them to argue. Then I realize they don't want to be any better than what they are getting out of life. The victim person. At least now I can identify those who seam to just love to complain. That is ok, it is each of us to choose what we want to do about the things we don't like in our life. All I know is I do not want to waste my whole life on being angry, worry myself sick, be a downer for everyone to be around. I want to be positive, at peace with myself and my choices. I have been learning that is a tall order as well, as sometimes we will make poor choices, sometimes we will fail too. And that is ok, I am working on keeping a healthy perspective. That does not mean being right all the time. ( Also I do try not to give advise,unless a specific is ask.I'm trying to learn to listen for it.) Its all good.

I think what I was trying to say is I somehow feel that when I go places where there are many people I have the need to make other people feel comfortable. I turn into this social butterfly and keep the conversation going. I feel that people rely on me to do this as I know many of these people. They seam to gravitate to me and ask me things like I live there??? So instead of doing what I normally do, I am practicing at being a guest, not a hostess. Let the owner of the house or barn or business do it! I am here like everyone else. Some of it I have put on myself, esp. keeping a good conversation going. I often feel - no matter how I feel I have to be "on" when others are around.
This past year I went to a party and it was hot. We all had flip flops on. Well I got stung by a yellow jacket on my foot. I think I wrote about it in the past. I got all nervous as it really hurt! My foot stung like crazy. People were all around and I tried to blow it off as nothing, but inside I was really freaking out! I hopped out to my car and took some Benadryl (sp.)and practiced breathing. I gathered my composure by my car and my husband came over and said I know what your thinking, your fine, come on back over. I did and it all went well, but just another example how I don't want others see me sweat! LOL... I don't know why, we are human! It happens!

I used the word pride as that is what the book said. So I looked it up...LOL....good point! ( Having a healthy self esteem and low opinion of self!) See why I have trouble???? Ha
I do some computer stuff, like post. Chat with a couple friends, play with the dogs. Sometimes I sit and think! LOL... ( thats often trouble!)
I do not have any goals other than day to day things. I need to come up with some. Its like I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up! Still don't know! I'm going to be 53! Yikes!!!! LOL...

I want to do #8 too I just scanned your post and laughed because I thought the same as you, but with a little thought I came up with about 1/2 of what you put on your list! I will do mine after Sunday. I'll post it too.
My time is up, its getting late. I didn't read the reset of your post, I'll be back!

[Paisleegreen]

Wow, THH--I'm like you. I've always tried to make others feel comfortable. I'm working on not being so accomodating, as I think it is starting to wear on me. Also, I don't tell people I've loss a son anymore. I guess I've pretty much just closed down or I'm taking a break. My energies now go to listening to a lady we're helping who lost her DH to suicide and I was listening to my sister who lives in the trailer we checked up on. I can't listen to her anymore at this time as it is too draining, and we found out that she has pushed a button that causes someone she know from out of state to get her phone messages. I don't think she knows that, although I called her neighbor to let them know. I'm not sure if the neighbor has heard my message yet either.

I like what you posted, Mike. It is so true, we really have to be careful that we don't wear ourselves out. Today, I just rested from all things, except I've been quite weepy these past couple of nights and today. I finally realized I'm grieving. I'm feeling better because I recognized that and I'm allowing myself to mourn and not expect to do anything else for the day. Paislee