Thanks for your transparency in sharing. I think in Lucinda's book "From Panic to Power" (and probably also in the manual) she shares about finding her purpose/hope when she called out to God in prayer. That day when she was in great need she prayed and I think it was that night, or soon thereafter, she saw the TV show that gave her hope. I think if you ask God, He would give you the purpose and life wisdom you are seeking. I will pray for you too.
Learn how to bring order back into your life by making reasonable action plans, stop over-scheduling, and become comfortable with asking for help when you need it.