Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

This session shows the powerful, positive effects change can have in your life – if only we learn to embrace it, not resist it.
Ninjafrodo2
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Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am

Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:01 am

Lesson 12!!! This seems to be a really big lesson and actually I think it ties alot into the lesson about obsessive thinking and I'll tell you why.

This lesson is about anxiety being something we use to get something positive out of and I do believe that it is the obsessive thoughts that come into play when we are avoiding things so in that context when we avoid it, it causes the obsessive thoughts which cause the anxiety and that makes the thing too stressful and overwhelming and thus we have a reason not to go and do it.

It seems to me that lessons 1 and 2 help us to identify whats going on when we experience anxiety, depression and starts to give ideas of how to address it. Lesson 3 and Lesson 4 are more about changing our perception and expectations, its about taking responsibility for our own lives and our own happiness. Lesson 5 is about the physical element when it comes to diet and exercise but lesson 11 ties into that as well. Lesson 6 and 7 Addresses our boundaries, expressing ourselves as well as our defense system, Lesson 8 and 9 deal with our anticipation of events as well as our guilt and shame of past events, Lesson 10 deals with what happens in our minds when we don't want to deal with challenging situations and Lesson 12 is about how we get stuck because the anxiety becomes our excuse and I do believe that unless we do change our behaviors and perceptions as well as our ways of protecting ourselves and getting our needs met into a healthy empowering set of behaviors and perceptions then anxiety really is the only way to protect ourselves. thus I want to reiterate what I had said before, this really isn't about facing fears but rather about challenging the thoughts and changing the behaviors from negative ones that cause suffering to positive ones that are empowering.

And one thing I'm really noticing as that one lady in the tapes said in this lesson is about the thought process going from old to new....more of the new instead of the old but its a process. Its about the process, not about the fear facing.


Mike

Ninjafrodo2
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:25 am

Oh and how is this for starting off lesson 12....I have been avoiding posting on the website which has then lead to working in the workbook because I got back into that expectation of having to respond to every single thing and feeling very pressured and because I felt that and became overwhelmed, I had an excuse not to go and post the way I felt was right. I have been so afraid of hurting someone's feelings that I just didn't respond at all and thats not what I want. Its nothing personal, I will still read what everybody posts either generally or to me but I don't feel like responding to everything and I also don't feel like responding to people individually either. I like the idea of mentioning people's names within my posts and responding that way so I think i'm going to do that now. That feels good to just put that out there.


Mike

THH
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:26 pm

I want too say that I have been though this program several times now, and I always notice about this point the post dwindle down to a minimum. All the run though's it really thins out.

This session really does produce a lot of anxiety for me. I feel that the first few sessions I get comfortable with identifying when I feel anxious. And have learned it is not going to kill me. I can deal with it and trace my thinking down to what is bothering me. The middle sessions I feel the reasons why I feel the way I do, anticipation, what if, anger ect. I can id these and make thought changes. I practice these things and I do feel over all- better. I know it takes time to get all this and work at it regularly. But for some reason this one rocks my everything. It make me feel confused, making me ask my self what I get from having anxiety.
I maybe be one of those who does not want any attention? I like to be by myself. I have more trouble getting along with others.

I actually listened to the session 12 - 2 times today. The first time I got mad because many of the things Lucinda talks about 1. learn a new dance 2 try new relationship 3. eat different foods 4. move to a different state .Life does not need to be so predictable. Just did not make me feel very good.
I could not connect with. I felt that if I can't figure out what I get from this I will never get over this. So it caused me so much anxiety I had to take that break and clear those thoughts away from my head in order to hear the tape again.

The second time though it I was a bit calmer and felt I kind of get it, basically don't use anxiety as an excuse to avoid doing things. I get caught there too, because I don't feel I do. So maybe the work book will help me more than this tape did.

I actually felt better before this tape than after it. Sorry... just being honest.

THH
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:19 pm

Also Mike, I'm glad you caught your expectation that you needed to post and respond to everyone individually. I'm sure you could write a very thoughtful, kind reply too. I believe you have mentioned this as one of your expectations. It is not true. If you feel like it and want to do this that is fine, but if your not in the mood to, let it go. You have no obligation to always have an answer or more in put. Just saying...we all need to work on ourselves. :)
Forever Young...Where are you??? Hope things are well for you.

I have not done my book yet today, that will be tonight's project. We are having another snow event here. I am doing good. I have been cleaning my house, moving furniture around and just plain tiding up.

Keeping my thoughts positive and not dwelling on things I can't see. Like know what I get from anxiety. I can not answer that question yet and I'm not going to let that keep me depressed. I really do feel good and if I dwell on finding the answer I will just get obsessed be down and still not be able to answer the question! :D

Have a good day everyone!!!

forever young 06
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:10 am

we sure are slowing down aren't we. I am having a hard time figuring out what I get out of the anxiety too. although I think with mine I don't want to go thru the pain that working on overcoming my panic and anxiety will bring. I know she says feel the fear and do it anyway but she also says in small steps. I still haven't worked on a plan yet.

THH I too don't like what she suggested like getting a new relationship, move to a new town, learn ot dance. I do have a rocky relationship but it is not feasible for me to leave and start over at my age. The problem with our relationship is I feel he only thinks about himself and doesn't try to help me. he always does what he wants too and never thinks about my needs. I would love to move into town. I always have but that isn't going to happen because he loves his farm and animals.

I had a terrible time with the insurance yesterday. they finally got the application straightend out and I was trying to choce a plan. well there are only 2 different insurances and it looked like neither one had a good network of hospitals in my area. I got so upset I almost paniced and got weak. I finally talked with some on who told me which one to use that had the best network of drs and hospital. I wish things didn't need to be so complicated. glad you are not in this right now THH.

THH
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Fri Feb 07, 2014 11:17 am

This one I felt was harder as I have had a hard time connecting with it. But really I sort of did in other sessions. That was identifying with some of my traits that I use that causes me anxiety. I am not real solid here, but I can connect that by feeling all this anxiety CAN give a person an excuse "not to". So I think this one really is saying keep doing, keep going, don't avoid due to your anxiety.
I also am a person who can easily over think things too much. I can talk myself into something and out of it in record time! I will continue to watch for this. If I see it, I will make my change rather than look for reasons not to.
Maybe I can do my work book. I looked at it from ago and really did not fill it out. So again I think understanding it, and how it works in your life is important. I felt defeated after my first listening to the tape. negative thoughts flooded my mind.
I also want to say that I have been feeling over all better, that is a good thing and those negative thoughts about not getting this are proved not true or else I would not have good days, days where I see what changes I need to make on and on.
So believe it or not I do think we are getting this stuff and will apply so many new ideas to our lives.

Forever Young,
So glad your hanging with it. It is hard... I need a nickel every time I have said that! LOL...
I also understand about your relationship, mine is good now but my husband has a drinking problem and it is always up & down. He is getting much needed help and doing better. As a person with anticipatory anxiety it is hard because what if???? I too don't want to start my life over. I took the tape bad when she started in with all that. I already have questioned that one. Sometimes in life there are no answers, and I need to just be patient. Even if I moved to a new place or got a new relationship there would always be the next thing. So that calmed me down. In the first time though I thought great I am doomed because I do not want to do these things, rather than say nobody has a perfect life and it is what we make of it that counts. Just because something is not working for you at this time does not mean abandon it and search out some whole new everything. There is problems there too!!!
Uggg still messing with the insurance :( I hope you get things as straightened out as possible. I do not look forward to doing it this November. I get mad too that we are being forced to go to the exchange program. They say you can keep your doctors, maybe now in some situations but I bet that changes as time goes on. No wonder people are depressed! It is hard ( there is that word again :0) Keeping a good attitude and a positive approach to aging and all this medical stuff. It seams like you need a 8 year degree to understand how stuff effects you!
Glad your getting though it...maybe it will turn out to be a good thing! :)
Have a GOOD day!

Ninjafrodo2
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Fri Feb 07, 2014 4:11 pm

Hey i'm still here! I've been still going with meditation stuff (not the relaxation cd but my own kind), I've been doing the workbook and listening to the cds and a bit of limitation work although not as much as I was planning to do as I don't think that is really the point so much as changing the thoughts is the point and so my focus is more on changing thought patterns and changing how I see myself, my efforts, my life and the pain from the past as well and that seems to be working for me, I am still working on some limitations though.

What THH has said is definately right about the slowing down near the end and this time being no exception, I've found that yeah it does get a bit more challenging each week and I think its good that we talk about how we are doing and if we do face limitations but I was hoping that we could share more of our answers and our experiences of what we came up with in the workbook and the assignments, or even thought replacements or whatever and so we can help each other. I think that would be more helpful, but of course that really depends on you guys and what you feel right about posting...no pressure.

I also want to mention that some of these secondary gains are things that we might have depended our safety and security completely on and so it could be hard to even look at the idea of changing that situation and so the mind can hide those answers from us and lead us to obsessive thoughts because we don't want to deal with those situations. And its true that nothing is perfect but I think it is more about looking at if you are truely happy in your heart or not and then if you aren't and you make a change and you do find some problems and challenges those things might not be as heavy when they do happen the way we percieve them but in our heart we realize we are where we truely feel we want to be.

THH you said that you don't know what you are getting from your anxiety...are there people in your life that you want to express things to that you cannot seem to do that with?

This is a very challenging and very sensitive topic to talk about and I think some of these things we really have to make our own decisions and follow our own path and not ones that others give us and that we blindly follow because these are important decisions.

This being said (and I will say this with caution because I don't know all the details, and I'm just sharing my feelings and opinions which I do not expect anybody to follow blindly), ForeverYoung when I read your post I felt concerned...every since you told me about the driving long distances as something that scares you my mind kept being brought back to what was said in the program about the fear of driving not really being about the driving but about driving away from the relationship or something along those lines but I just kept that to myself. When I read your latest post it just further made me thought that there is some relationship stuff going on and it seems like you are really unhappy with how things are and you mentioned about not wanting to start over because of your age and so that tells me that you were actually thinking about it and it seems that maybe your anxiety is protecting you from thinking about it because that could be really painful to even think about. And I really hate to say this but if he does eventually pass away you will have to start over again and you'll be even older.



Mike

forever young 06
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:17 am

Mike I am afraid of change. I do know that. I am a very insecure person and afraid to be alone. I feel my husband I have grown apart and he is doing his on thing and has his friends and I am not included. I don't know what to do about it. I feel I have a lot of work in this area. I don't feel the fear of driving is linked as this was the first phobia I got and it was where my first panic attack was far away from home and you know usually where you have your first panic attack then you become afraid of that like if it is a supemart. I am also having a hard time even finding my negative thoughts let alone finding a replacement. I have suppressed my thoughts and feelings for yrs. I have a lot of work to do. I know I say scriptures and praying a lot of the day to not have negative and bad feelings. I have a lot of soul searching to do. I appreciate your input and thoughts.

Ninjafrodo2
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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Sat Feb 08, 2014 3:02 pm

ForeverYoung I'm glad you took my input in a positive way because I was feeling a little nauseous about even posting it but my heart just kept telling me to put that out there and speaking of which I was not sure how what I said could even work...this morning however I woke up and without actually trying to come up with a solution, I just saw that you were living with another lady who is around your age who you'd have alot of fun with and who has come from a similar situation that you have.

Now from what you just posted, what comes to me is not so much about facing limitations...to be completely honest, i'm not sure that the setup from the program is the most beneficial for you in order to grow and feel more comfortable and have brighter days ahead and thats ok, on its own it isn't good enough for me either (although there are many important parts in it that have also helped me to find a better way). You mentioned soul searching and yes I do agree with this...perhaps the thought replacement at this present time is not going to work because it just focuses more on the negative which you experience alot of that...so if that doesn't work you need to try something else. With the soul searching I believe that what would truely help is to find who you are...this means to find out what you truely love to do, what type of people you'd truely love to surround yourself with, what activities you'd truely love, shows, paintings, music, pictures, anything that you really enjoy that can help put you in a positive and uplifted state...when you read that, how do you feel about this? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or does it make you feel more calm? (if you can't answer that, this is ok). When you can build yourself up with all these really positive things then maybe you'd be more open to the other stuff but only if that felt right in your heart...but I think perhaps getting in touch with your heart is going to have to come first and getting in touch with the positive aspects of that would be a great first step!

Collect really beautiful pictures and make a nature type album for instance, that could definately help...anything that is enjoyable, playful, fun...ect.


Mike

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Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:34 pm

Lots going on here! LOL...

In reading my book, some of my resistance behaviors are 1. Procrastination - At times I do better with this. It won't bother me to make that dreaded call or go see that person I really don't want to go see. Other times I will put it off, medical test or an appointment. Getting my car in the shop what ever. I will drag my feet because I just don't want to deal with it that day. Then if I do not get the plan in motion before too long, something else happens and I think of all the things I still need to do, and get overwhelmed. Something to watch for.
2. Over analyzing. Guilty. It is my subconscious doing the resist. This one I may not even be aware I am doing. It will be a harder one to catch because it is very smooth running in the back round.
I can go around and around in my thinking whether to take my car in for some body work. It is winter and why not wait till spring and all the salt is off the road. But in the spring I am too busy because I have too much to do and will be with out my car for 4 days. It is too cold to be out to do it now. So I will stay in where its warm and wait till the weather breaks. Anything can become an over thinking game.
These 2 were ones that I had the most connection with. It is good that I found a couple things to get me thinking in this direction.

Mike, to answer your question about people that I need to express myself too, no. I think I have been very open with everyone. My assertiveness has been much better. When I need to be heard I assert myself. ( Often does not change anything, but at least I got to say what was on my mind.) I am still some what timid but I can get the job done.

I totally agree about this being a sensitive topic, esp relationships. I have been married my whole adult life. ( to the same person! ) I think most people over 10 years of marriage have thought about splitting up at least 3 times. They may not admit it, but I think it is very normal! After many years together one can't help but reflect on what could be, could have been ect....
I laughed( take no offense )at your statement of being truly happy! What is that??? There are times when I experience being content. Some special days I feel happy. But to expect to live in that state forever is not obtainable.
Again, one can be alone and happy or unhappy. So really to me, the best thing for me is to work on me. Work on changing myself to where I am content. Where I have things happening that I enjoy or like to do. One can't expect to get these things from someone else. No one person can be everything to another.
I mentioned my relationship in this because Lucinda talked about her bad relationship and how she got out of it. One of the other ladies also mentioned she got out of her marriage. It did cause me stress because I have questioned my own. I do not think it is the fear of being alone, or starting over that keeps me there. Even though it causes me stress to wonder what if. I may not be happy all the time but there is love and even relationships have to grow. We don't stay the same after all the years pass. It changes too and unless you have an idea of what you want it to change into it just stagnates.
SO... I am taking the position that I am going to work on myself and see how that goes. I am not going to make my self upset thinking about I have stress and anxiety because my relationship is not where it should be. I can grow, my relationship can get better and adjustments can be made along the way.
This statement is for me and my relationship. I am not a expert in relationships HAHA! :mrgreen:

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