Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

This session shows the powerful, positive effects change can have in your life – if only we learn to embrace it, not resist it.
forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Sun Feb 09, 2014 9:03 am

Mike I do need to figure out what I enjoy and what I need. Once again I suppress my emotions and I have given up several times on my wants. I have not allowed myself to expect a lot out of other people and do it myself. but I find maybe I expect too much out of my husband. He always has been a good finicial provider. I need to accept that. I need to find a way to pass my day by not being on the computer so much and work more on my house. I need to find out who I am and what I want to do with my life.

THH good thoughts on the way you feel. I find I put things off too. I have been needing to work on my basement but feel over whelmed it is a mess. I need to start small and work my way around the room. wow I justify dissatisfaction, I have the blame game too. avoidances wow a big one, this on secondary gains and I was thinking no I don't have them. I have a lot of work to do. I too have been married all my adult life. I have been married 43 yrs to the same man. yes I was 16 and stupid. He is not a bad person and part of the way he is is my fault. when I couldn't go places because of my agrophobia. I didn''t want to limit his life and my daughters. so they moved on with their lives and I stayed at home. It was painful and now he has his way of life and I have mine. I have tried to tell him how I feel but he doesn't understand. I guess like THH said I need to change me and I can't change him. I need to know who I am and what I need and want out of life but I need to get over my agrophobia I am better than I was I can go more places I can drive by myself just not every where I want to go. I want allow myself to think about some of these things as they are painful but no pain no gain. also my HA has raised its ugly head. I think something is wrong with me. I don't know if I had test run would help but am afraid to find out something is wrong with me.

Ninjafrodo2
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Mon Feb 10, 2014 1:15 am

There is much left for me to look at in the workbook but it was definately very helpful...I noticed that I fall under many of the categories of resistances...Like THH the procrastination and overanalyzing for sure! It was really interesting the part where I looked at what i'm getting out of my problems....I see the needs that i'm attempting to get met through those issues and well I think I need to go through all of them and see if I can do some thought replacement there.

I read what you wrote THH and I"m glad you found some resistance behaviors, I know you were struggling alot with this session. As for the relationship stuff, I think it is natural to question things and if some things are not working for you then you know that there are things that can be improved. There were people who mentioned ending relationships, if you remember in a past tape, Ken left his marriage too and what he said was when they got to talking they realized the only thing they had in common was their daughter...I'm assuming those other examples in this lesson's tape were similar to that, or that they didn't have that love one has with another in the context of that kind of relationship.

As for the truely happy, let me rephrase that...to feel a deep sense of satisfaction or content I guess like you said. You know in your heart that yes this is the person you want to be with and not just someone you decided to put up with because its convenient.

ForeverYoung;
Having the means to live in the context of finances is important but thats not enough for a fulfilling relationship. That being said, I do agree that you need to accept the situation the way it is and to find who you are and what you want to do. You mentioned giving up on your wants...well how can you truely feel satisfied and good if you aren't involving yourself in your heart's desire? I am aware that its not as simple as just intellectually getting it as there is more to the equation than that but its a good start. Why is it that you have given up on your wants and suppressed your emotions anyways?


Mike

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Mon Feb 10, 2014 7:11 am

Mike giving up on my wants I felt like I could never attain them. I would be reaching for the stars and always falling short. It is easy not to try. I too have this feeling something is wrong with my health and no use to try any thing new. I tell you I have a lot of work to do. I need to believe I am healthy and no one knows how long they are on the earth and make the most of in fact why not a more reason to make the most of each day. I put off every thing I can that is a big one for me too.

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Mon Feb 10, 2014 10:37 am

I think I got to thinking about my relationship and I too have grown apart from my husband. Not terribly because we are tangled in a business together as well. Our business is our baby. We got married and started this business and worked our butts off for 25 years. It became our everything. Long hours, dinner discussing things, activity's that surrounded the business . For the better part of our young life this was one common thing we shared. We also shared the love of animals together. Always caring for something.
Now we are approaching the home stretch of this long running business as old age is calming things down. Lots on management needs done, and new directions have to assume. There is this period of time where I feel unsure of so many things.

I also know this is a hard time for him as well, just the aging process alone is hard to except. He has a young mans job. I feel at times this is why he has started drinking again. ( although this Feb. is 1 year of no drinking!!!)

It is a transition period. We still share many of the same things in common, but a big piece is going to be gone until something else takes its place it causes me to question so many things. I have to watch that as I can think myself into a depressing thought process rather than maybe this will be much better time in our life.

I too Forever have to get in touch with who I am and what I want. So many times you do get comfortable with the "normal" and any thoughts changing that become way to overwhelming to deal with.

So I did identify with a few things this time which is very good.
Forever Young your getting this as well! Great thoughts and understanding. I have to smile when you talked about getting married so young. Who knew right??? I was a little older but still young and dumb. I think if we all had really a understanding no one would get married! :) It could be like a drivers license renew ever 4 years! LOL... I love in your last post how you have so to speak come full circle with believing your healthy, we HA peeps have got to feel that deep into our sole.

Mike thank you for rephrasing that! LOL...
It also sounds like your getting this session well. Great job!!! :)

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Tue Feb 11, 2014 8:55 am

THH I hope I didn't bring up too much of a thought on marriage. I wonder if my expectations or too much you have to be careful there. and I am hoping I am not seeing things that aren't there you know how Carolyn always said tell the truth or we seeing on exgeration. I feel if I could go any where with my husband that it would help our marriage more. we would have more in common. I also don't share his love for the farm and the animals. I don't like feeding them and caring for them especially in the cold. I am staying in the house too much.

my HA has been worse this week started on Sun and then again last night. I wish I could go have the test run but am afraid they will find something and I will have to deal with it and also hate spending from. 1,000.00 to 2,000.00 dollars. I want to scream. I hope I can get this behind me as it is hindering my moving forward. where is mike and are we on lesson 13

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Tue Feb 11, 2014 9:50 am

Mike where are you??? I expected to start the new session today. That is really okay with me cuz I have not started it anyway :)

Forever Young,
No actually I think you & I were on the same wave length. I think people who are in long term relationships do question this. It too is a very big part of our lives. I also know everything changes so it is good to address it, even though it is painful or causes anxiety. Best to not dwell as we like to do, but rather look for the good and build on it. It is good to look at those expectations with our partners. I know at times I can be expecting way to much. I need to be independent in some areas of my life and I know that will give more depth to me as a person. I do like many things different than my husband, I just need to do them. It is ok not to do everything the same. Some times I have found expiations that I really put on myself, it feels like it comes from him, but it really is not true. I talk about it to him when I feel that an I am surprised that it really is not his expectation but mine!

I do feel that you could address it with your husband about the "farm" and all the chores you don't really like. Having animals is hard enough when you really like having them. But if your not into it your not, and that is okay. Make your change there. He will adjust, eventually. :)
What kind of test do you think you might need? Are you putting too much thought on not feeling well? Will having the test give you comfort that you are looking for? If I have a problem physically I personally need that reassurance and I can move on. Know what it is and manage it from there. I personally do better there. I understand the money too. But if really it is only the money that is holding you back then I say spend it.
Oh guess what? I maybe going on the exchange! Oh lord... I go to see the accountant on Monday and will get advise them. But I have until March 15 to join now. My insurance company raised the rates again due to the taxes and fees they now charge. Another 55.00 worth. Unreal. I'll let you know what we decide.
Well have a great day everyone! :)

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by forever young 06 » Wed Feb 12, 2014 6:15 am

THH I am worried about my heart. I have skipped beats but I have been having upper back and neck pain. it does move around in fact I am having pain every where even sharp pains. I saw the other morning on tv that back pain neck and jaw pain could be a sign of a heart attack. I can not stand to even hear that word. I am afraid to have the test done as I would have to face the results. I always think the worst. this is my main anxiety right now it is stopping me from moving forward.

you will not have trouble with the exchange now if you let a licensed person help you. I did it on my ownI I worked in insurance and thought I could do it but I go things messed up. I am almost getting it we are to get help with out payment to will be worth it I feel. I even put my birthday for my husband on a private plan until I could get the exchange going. everything gets so long to get done.

Ninjafrodo2
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Wed Feb 12, 2014 1:15 pm

I posted the new lesson yesterday...and i'll respond a bit later, i'm just a bit busy at the moment.

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part12

Post by THH » Wed Feb 12, 2014 6:51 pm

I woke up to no heat this am. It started to rattle me, but I kept calm and checked out my furnace and called my heating dude an he said he could come this am. So I had some wood and made a fire and had some electric heaters and got them going. He came and it had to do with a drain so it was easily fixed. Just $$$$. I spent most of the day waiting and a few hours while he checked things out. I did not get to my lesson for this week yet. Maybe I will yet tonight. :D

Forever Young, I have had skipped beats as a symptom as well. My doctor says not to worry about it. Most of the time I don't feel it so I'm not sure if it does it regularly or not. It may just do it when I get stressed - those times where I actually feel my heart beating fast and then it will pause. I had a ekg last year and it was good. But I did not have a ekg while it was doing it. I'm sorry to say that I get to the point where I get mad at myself or what ever you call it, and say I don't have any other symptoms like sweaty hands, or nausea, hard time breathing so I just blow it off. It usually goes away in a day or two. Sometimes sooner. I also know gas is terribly painful, and can move around. It can be sharp pains, and it usually does go away. I will take a over the counter maylox or gas x and if it goes away I know its that. You know yourself best. Try and separate your thoughts as if you just think of these things and study them, all your focus is on them. Chances are heart attacks don't last for days. ( Or for hours ) Do you take any anxiety meds.? I sometimes will take something at that time and see if the symptoms go away. If they do I know it is my anxiety. I take Xanax and that is the only one I have ever tried. It has worked for me.
I totally understand how you feel, so you are not alone. Don't let it stop you from moving forward. Take a break if needed but once you feel comfortable keep pressing forward. You and all of us can have a life and not be afraid of bad things happening to us all the time.

Oh I hope all this goes well. I really don't like giving up my insurance at my age and being forced to do something else. I'll let you know how it goes. I go Monday. Tuesday I have my lovely teeth cleaning. So this coming up week is lots of possible stressful events. I have better mind set now so hopefully I will flow with it better. I'll make a post.

Post Reply

Return to “Session 12 - The Courage to Change”