Out of the past??? Or just reliving it.......

This session shows the powerful, positive effects change can have in your life – if only we learn to embrace it, not resist it.
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creamcheesepuff
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:37 pm

Out of the past??? Or just reliving it.......

Post by creamcheesepuff » Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:49 pm

I left a home back in NJ that I knew for 54 years of my life. I had moved 3 states away. Battling by myself in a state that I knew only one person who was 30 minutes away, living in a totally rural home, rearranging my life, my thoughts, battling with my intense homesick emotions. My memories. I still am having a Battle of the mind.....the war uprises into smaller battles every day where my thoughts drift me back to a place I was safe in, I was whole in, I was Myself in......when I left that sunny morning with my 4 cats packed im my car. I didnt look back. I left my friend of 25 years standing in the middle of the street possibly waving to me good bye....but I didnt look. I just couldnt. I was so emotionally numb. It was so so hard, I felt like I was in another dimension. It was surreal.
Now...4 months later, I still get depressed. My home in NJ is still there. But it was my parents home, not mine, but I lived there as a child, then as an adult. I am still fighting this. With the spring coming and the nicer days TRYING to peek through, I think. WHere is my real home now? What did I do.??? I had to leave, the house was being sold. I left my heart there, my parents memory, my childhood. When you are alone, you have no one but yourself to depend on. People alienate you more and more, somehow they seem afraid of you when you are alone.
I did not evaporate or vaporize since I moved out..But......I have been sick with every ailment that I ever had, migraines, pain and aches so bad, I stay in bed all day, stomach problems, and dreams about my home that bring me back over 200 miles away without a car, without a plane, without anything but my mind....I am home again. No matter how I try to forget about my home back in NJ, My mind brings me there in my dreams at night. Its exhausting. What can a person do to stop this..???? Hopefully in time, the dreams will stop or slow down. I dont want them to stop but right now its too much for me to handle. This is the hardest thing I ever did in my life besides watching my parents die. The next hardest thing i returning to get the rest of my things at the house. I dont think I will be able to do this. :cry: :cry: :cry:

lockdo

Re: Out of the past??? Or just reliving it.......

Post by lockdo » Fri May 27, 2011 2:29 am

You will find it in yourself to face this and see it through :idea: :D

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Out of the past??? Or just reliving it......

Post by NeverQuit » Sat May 28, 2011 4:49 pm

Hi creamcheesepuff,
Do you mind me asking why you moved 3 states away from your hometown?

If I had to pinpoint one thing that would help you, it is to get connected with the local community. It sounds like it wasn't your HOME necessarily that has stuck with you, but being with your FAMILY and in a place that was FAMILIAR. Maybe you need to take the effort making your NEW home "familiar" and that means getting to know people! Reach out! Try new things!! If you're spiritual, get involved in a church community! You need to reach out to people. Anyone would feel depressed leaving a totally familiar, comfortable place and uprooting from everything they've known and the people they've enjoyed!! Take care of yourself!! Speak positive things to yourself. Don't let your anxiety hold you back from CHANGE - trying new things!

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