gosh this is so new. It is anxiety produsing just trying to get around this board. THH I hear you on the mother thing. I have wanted approval from my mom for years. Could never understand her. Now she is in the nursing home and is 86 yrs old. Her mind is better than mine but I don't rely on her any more trying to be ready for her passing. I clung ( spelling) to her for years. even after I married and I married very young 16 but was running from her LOL my dad died when I was 10 and she tried to raise us the best she could. She didn't know how to love herself. She had a rough life too. Guess the best thing is don't ask her for advice. I don't tell my mother when I am sick. Think goodness I have a job and friends there I can tell my troubles to it helps. I also have my daughter and we share some things and there are things I can discuss with hubby. I realise alot of my fears and insecurity comes from how I was raised we learn a lot of our behavior.
Mike what kind of anti depressant do you take? I take impiramine and I think I need mine changed but am a little hesitante about it as I fear change. Really wanted to get off of it but until I get over my phobias I don't think that is a good ideal as will need the help with facing.
The Challenge...Lesson 12
-
Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Hi Guys! 
Wow, I can come back today! I have been at the AZ site getting acquainted with others with anxiety. They haven't closed down for furbishing! 
Ugh.
THH--I can't believe your mother threw your pain killers away!
You poor kid! Man, that was the first time I had Codeine and I was so glad to have them. But it didn't make me a drug addict! My mother was a School Nurse so I didn't get a lot of sympathy, only because she was task minded and she worked! My father was more of the tender hearted type, he didn't know how to express himself either. All in all, they did pretty good in taking care of me. I had older siblings that took my mother's attention. My mother was not one for telling me she loved me or things like that. I don't think she had that with her mother, as she was adopted when she was 2 years old, and it was a different era then. They did show they loved me by taking care of me and paid attention to my needs. Otherwise, I know some needs went unmet, but my older sister was a great "mother" to me. It broke my heart when she had to move clear across the US for her hubby to go to school.
Then when she returned they didn't live as close to our house as she use to. She is and always has been my "big sister" to me in deed and in example. (This is not the sister that lives in the trailer I visited recently)
Forever Young I'm going to come back to say Hello, I need to go eat something. Paislee
Wow, I can come back today! I have been at the AZ site getting acquainted with others with anxiety. They haven't closed down for furbishing! Ugh. THH--I can't believe your mother threw your pain killers away!
You poor kid! Man, that was the first time I had Codeine and I was so glad to have them. But it didn't make me a drug addict! My mother was a School Nurse so I didn't get a lot of sympathy, only because she was task minded and she worked! My father was more of the tender hearted type, he didn't know how to express himself either. All in all, they did pretty good in taking care of me. I had older siblings that took my mother's attention. My mother was not one for telling me she loved me or things like that. I don't think she had that with her mother, as she was adopted when she was 2 years old, and it was a different era then. They did show they loved me by taking care of me and paid attention to my needs. Otherwise, I know some needs went unmet, but my older sister was a great "mother" to me. It broke my heart when she had to move clear across the US for her hubby to go to school. Then when she returned they didn't live as close to our house as she use to. She is and always has been my "big sister" to me in deed and in example. (This is not the sister that lives in the trailer I visited recently)
Forever Young I'm going to come back to say Hello, I need to go eat something. Paislee
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Forever Young! YEY nice to hear from you. Glad your still cruising around the site. It really is different, I'm sorta getting the hang of it... I will say I did like the other format better.
Isn't it funny how we look for the approval from our moms? I really like what you said about not asking, or telling my mom about my sickness. It was strange because I knew when it left my mouth, I should not of told her. My mom was only 17 when she had me, very poor not educated. I turned out being her mother! This is good for me, as I put together that when I get sick, even now, I have the need to be mothered. I am learning in this program, I am my own mother/ safe person. I need to pay special care in the future as to what I share with her.
My mom don't know how to love herself or show compassion to any one even herself. Its very sad. It sounds very familiar. I'm sorry your mom is in the nursing care now, that has to be hard as well.
I'm also sad to hear you lost your dad so early. That is tuff!
I have my husband, and dad, but I don't have any female input! LOL... My neighbor lady and I have been being pretty friendly over that last few years. She has helped in that area some. We are very different, but what is cool is she loves to read, and she is very smart, and knowing how to get information. I'm a poor reader, I love to do. Very art and craft. Well she likes that about me, and I like her for all her fun stuff so this maybe a good friendship!
Thanks for your thoughts....
Paislee,
I remember school nurses! LOL... Do they still have them?
Don't get me wrong, I got all the basics, it was that nurturing teaching girls how to be, I missed out on! Its like my dad taught me, if I would get cut, spit on it and rub it in the dirt! LOL....I'm still alive, lol... I just miss it. I was like a Tomboy. Not much female input!
You were so lucky to have a older sister. I am the oldest, with 1 -7 years younger sister. It was a different error...that is what we all share in common.
Thanks for your thoughts as well!
Isn't it funny how we look for the approval from our moms? I really like what you said about not asking, or telling my mom about my sickness. It was strange because I knew when it left my mouth, I should not of told her. My mom was only 17 when she had me, very poor not educated. I turned out being her mother! This is good for me, as I put together that when I get sick, even now, I have the need to be mothered. I am learning in this program, I am my own mother/ safe person. I need to pay special care in the future as to what I share with her.
My mom don't know how to love herself or show compassion to any one even herself. Its very sad. It sounds very familiar. I'm sorry your mom is in the nursing care now, that has to be hard as well.
I'm also sad to hear you lost your dad so early. That is tuff!
I have my husband, and dad, but I don't have any female input! LOL... My neighbor lady and I have been being pretty friendly over that last few years. She has helped in that area some. We are very different, but what is cool is she loves to read, and she is very smart, and knowing how to get information. I'm a poor reader, I love to do. Very art and craft. Well she likes that about me, and I like her for all her fun stuff so this maybe a good friendship!
Thanks for your thoughts....
Paislee,
I remember school nurses! LOL... Do they still have them?
Don't get me wrong, I got all the basics, it was that nurturing teaching girls how to be, I missed out on! Its like my dad taught me, if I would get cut, spit on it and rub it in the dirt! LOL....I'm still alive, lol... I just miss it. I was like a Tomboy. Not much female input!
You were so lucky to have a older sister. I am the oldest, with 1 -7 years younger sister. It was a different error...that is what we all share in common.
Thanks for your thoughts as well!
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Mike: I am struggling with a few parts of the program, self talk is really hard for me. No, lets say that again, Positive self talk if really hard for me. I dont even realize i am talking negative to myself until i am knee deep. Your post just helped me alot to get started on the questions. I am such a perfectionist about it all that i want my answer to be perfect. I found out that i cannot write them down as i get caught up in the handwriting itself. So i have found that if i do it on the computer i can really whale and not get caught up in the beauty of the handwriting. The questions relating to how will it affect me in 10, year, 20 years was very eye opening. I dont want to still be here at that time and that is exactly where i will be if i dont get my butt in gear. I am very happy for my accomplishments to date, I really just want to live.
THH - i could write a book on my relationship with my mother. I am so sorry that anyone has to grow up in a family that is not filled with unconditional love. But, as i talk to people and they are honest, its more common than not. I have been my mother's caregiver for my whole life. I have 7 brothers and sisters and once in awhile they step in to tell me how things should be done, but they live out of town, so they could not possibly deal with the day to day stuff. I love my mom, and she loves me in her own way, but what truly drives me crazy is that my mom always talks about my brothers and sisters with such love. THey do one little thing for her and they are the best. My sis and i take her all over the place and take care of her money and problems and she usually forgets our birthdays. I have just come to the conclusion that she will never change, so i must. I no longer drop what i am doing to run to her needs. I am thoughtful about listening and try to visit as often as i can, but i dont jump anymore.
Wow, that felt really good to vent -
cj
THH - i could write a book on my relationship with my mother. I am so sorry that anyone has to grow up in a family that is not filled with unconditional love. But, as i talk to people and they are honest, its more common than not. I have been my mother's caregiver for my whole life. I have 7 brothers and sisters and once in awhile they step in to tell me how things should be done, but they live out of town, so they could not possibly deal with the day to day stuff. I love my mom, and she loves me in her own way, but what truly drives me crazy is that my mom always talks about my brothers and sisters with such love. THey do one little thing for her and they are the best. My sis and i take her all over the place and take care of her money and problems and she usually forgets our birthdays. I have just come to the conclusion that she will never change, so i must. I no longer drop what i am doing to run to her needs. I am thoughtful about listening and try to visit as often as i can, but i dont jump anymore.
Wow, that felt really good to vent -
cj
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Video of the day
This one isn't a funny video but its a video I found as a very powerful meditation that I've really enjoyed and thought I would share. It talks about breathing In what you want and breathing out what you don't want. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJTB7o5MTr4 There is a downloadable version on his website for free!This can be a good supliment to the program.
THH
One thing you need to keep in mind is that no matter how negative it might seem, most people's advice to your struggles and problems is their attempt to help you out. They give the best they can but sometimes it can come off very negative and it can be based on irrational thoughts unfortunately. They give advice based on what they think works for themselves in that situation. Sometimes this advice can be behind a secondary gain itself! Like fear.
Thats a really good setup you have with your husband and it sounds very comfortable and i'm sure it could be very easy to just stay in that zone. You don't have to create a social life for yourself, at least not yet and so I could see the possibility for resistance there. What do you think of when you think about creating a social circle?
Well I realized the fear behind the actual job hunting. My main fear has to do with my sleep...yes again my sleep!!! I would become depressed if I continued to follow the same sleep issues while working at the same time so I made my sleep as my #2 Thing that I'm going to do that I have been avoiding. I'll talk more about that in the next post.
That guy was pretty rude and I felt good about standing up for myself and I deserve better than that. I am not desparate enough to spend my time with someone who is that condesending to me, he doesn't deserve my attention.
Don't those games get boring after awhile?
Forever young 06
Yes the website went through a change and has forced us to change as well as it is diffrent. Its great practice using this lesson's information.
I'm on Trazadone, it helps with sleeping too. I don't think it would be a good idea either if you are still concerned about your phobias, I know it would be bad if I went off of mine right now...I'm not there yet, I think after I've been using guided meditations for awhile and keep a constant sleep schedual then maybe i can get off of them.
cj20520
Positive self-talk can be difficult to do especially in the beginning. I think for the first year or 2 I had a hard time believing that the negative thoughts I was writing were the actual ones bothering me or if I was just making them up, it was quite annoying but turns out it really didn't matter because the objective itself was to replace thoughts and get good at them, didn't matter if they were true or not.
Ok so I have a few things to say about the positive self-talk.
#1 Don't try to replace a negative thought with a positive thought
I know this might sound strange but think about it this way, negative and positive thoughts can both be rational and irrational.
ie. say you have no money and you have rent to pay at the end of the month and your thinking "If I don't have the money by the end of the month then I'll be evicted" Well this is definately likely especially if you have already been warned in the past. This thought is rational and with rational negative thoughts you need to take action and thats where the behavioral part of CBT comes in.
Now lets do a positive irrational thought now. Say you are an alcoholic and you tell yourself "I'm going to have a beer and its going to make everything all better"...well the problem with this is that it might initially make you feel better but if your an alcoholic it also has the potential to make you more angry, ruin your relationships, get you fired from your job, cause you to get into a fatal accident if you are planning to drive, destroy your liver...etc.
So my suggestion is not to replace a negative thought with a positive one but to Replace an irrational thought with a rational one And how do you know if it is rational or irrational...ask yourself if you can prove this thought to be 100% true without a shadow of a doubt and you will know.
#2 Don't try to catch and replace every single thought
This is likely to be impossible and not worth your time. It would take all of your attention and time to do this and then your life would become completely about this. I have spent hours and hours on end replacing thoughts and yes it did make me better at replacing the thoughts but it also stole me away from any fun activities. If you get caught up in the negative thoughts and don't realize it until your really far into it, thats ok. If you notice it at all thats great and it will come in time the more you replace the thoughts. People have asked how you are suppose to replace every thought and Carolyn from the tapes had suggested people to replace 5 a day...That seems to work for me and if you keep doing it for awhile, you'll get to the point where you don't even have to write it down as you'll be able to do it in your head or even automatically.
#3 Don't make it your goal to make yourself feel better when you replace the thoughts, Make it your goal to find the lie in the irrational thought
Make your brain see doubt in the thought and that itself will make you feel better. You can do this by questioning the thought, you can do it by seeing which cognitive distortion category the thought fits best in...actually there are many diffrent ways to do it, thats just a few. I think I posted more ways somewhere in one of the other "The Challenge..." threads.
#4 If you can't come up with a replacement then do what Ken from the tapes does and just say "thoughts only thoughts"
I'm glad those questions were an eye opener. I am still living the anxiety and depression as I kept resisting using the relaxation cd and working on my sleep and guess what...I'm working on my 7th year! I probabbly could have gotten over this condition alot sooner but I resisted it and I lost out on 7 more years however I didn't stay exactly where I was and I've learned and grown alot in that 7 years but i'm still really struggling financially, I'm still afraid of dating and I don't feel free or enjoying life to the best of my abilities. I am becoming more social now though and working on these goals instead of resisting them so hopefully I don't make it to that 10 year mark and keep in mind this is 7 years with the solutions I need in front of me to overcome this condition but its 16 years of having the condition itself.
Mike
This one isn't a funny video but its a video I found as a very powerful meditation that I've really enjoyed and thought I would share. It talks about breathing In what you want and breathing out what you don't want. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJTB7o5MTr4 There is a downloadable version on his website for free!This can be a good supliment to the program.
THH
One thing you need to keep in mind is that no matter how negative it might seem, most people's advice to your struggles and problems is their attempt to help you out. They give the best they can but sometimes it can come off very negative and it can be based on irrational thoughts unfortunately. They give advice based on what they think works for themselves in that situation. Sometimes this advice can be behind a secondary gain itself! Like fear.
Thats a really good setup you have with your husband and it sounds very comfortable and i'm sure it could be very easy to just stay in that zone. You don't have to create a social life for yourself, at least not yet and so I could see the possibility for resistance there. What do you think of when you think about creating a social circle?
Well I realized the fear behind the actual job hunting. My main fear has to do with my sleep...yes again my sleep!!! I would become depressed if I continued to follow the same sleep issues while working at the same time so I made my sleep as my #2 Thing that I'm going to do that I have been avoiding. I'll talk more about that in the next post.
That guy was pretty rude and I felt good about standing up for myself and I deserve better than that. I am not desparate enough to spend my time with someone who is that condesending to me, he doesn't deserve my attention.
Don't those games get boring after awhile?
Forever young 06
Yes the website went through a change and has forced us to change as well as it is diffrent. Its great practice using this lesson's information.
I'm on Trazadone, it helps with sleeping too. I don't think it would be a good idea either if you are still concerned about your phobias, I know it would be bad if I went off of mine right now...I'm not there yet, I think after I've been using guided meditations for awhile and keep a constant sleep schedual then maybe i can get off of them.
cj20520
Positive self-talk can be difficult to do especially in the beginning. I think for the first year or 2 I had a hard time believing that the negative thoughts I was writing were the actual ones bothering me or if I was just making them up, it was quite annoying but turns out it really didn't matter because the objective itself was to replace thoughts and get good at them, didn't matter if they were true or not.
Ok so I have a few things to say about the positive self-talk.
#1 Don't try to replace a negative thought with a positive thought
I know this might sound strange but think about it this way, negative and positive thoughts can both be rational and irrational.
ie. say you have no money and you have rent to pay at the end of the month and your thinking "If I don't have the money by the end of the month then I'll be evicted" Well this is definately likely especially if you have already been warned in the past. This thought is rational and with rational negative thoughts you need to take action and thats where the behavioral part of CBT comes in.
Now lets do a positive irrational thought now. Say you are an alcoholic and you tell yourself "I'm going to have a beer and its going to make everything all better"...well the problem with this is that it might initially make you feel better but if your an alcoholic it also has the potential to make you more angry, ruin your relationships, get you fired from your job, cause you to get into a fatal accident if you are planning to drive, destroy your liver...etc.
So my suggestion is not to replace a negative thought with a positive one but to Replace an irrational thought with a rational one And how do you know if it is rational or irrational...ask yourself if you can prove this thought to be 100% true without a shadow of a doubt and you will know.
#2 Don't try to catch and replace every single thought
This is likely to be impossible and not worth your time. It would take all of your attention and time to do this and then your life would become completely about this. I have spent hours and hours on end replacing thoughts and yes it did make me better at replacing the thoughts but it also stole me away from any fun activities. If you get caught up in the negative thoughts and don't realize it until your really far into it, thats ok. If you notice it at all thats great and it will come in time the more you replace the thoughts. People have asked how you are suppose to replace every thought and Carolyn from the tapes had suggested people to replace 5 a day...That seems to work for me and if you keep doing it for awhile, you'll get to the point where you don't even have to write it down as you'll be able to do it in your head or even automatically.
#3 Don't make it your goal to make yourself feel better when you replace the thoughts, Make it your goal to find the lie in the irrational thought
Make your brain see doubt in the thought and that itself will make you feel better. You can do this by questioning the thought, you can do it by seeing which cognitive distortion category the thought fits best in...actually there are many diffrent ways to do it, thats just a few. I think I posted more ways somewhere in one of the other "The Challenge..." threads.
#4 If you can't come up with a replacement then do what Ken from the tapes does and just say "thoughts only thoughts"
I'm glad those questions were an eye opener. I am still living the anxiety and depression as I kept resisting using the relaxation cd and working on my sleep and guess what...I'm working on my 7th year! I probabbly could have gotten over this condition alot sooner but I resisted it and I lost out on 7 more years however I didn't stay exactly where I was and I've learned and grown alot in that 7 years but i'm still really struggling financially, I'm still afraid of dating and I don't feel free or enjoying life to the best of my abilities. I am becoming more social now though and working on these goals instead of resisting them so hopefully I don't make it to that 10 year mark and keep in mind this is 7 years with the solutions I need in front of me to overcome this condition but its 16 years of having the condition itself.
Mike
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Alright so back to the action assignments.
1 of the 2 things I was avoiding doing was going into the gym and getting my gym membership cost reduced and I did that. I used the relaxation cd and a few other guided meditations before I left my house, i walked to the gym and used slow breathing as I walked there and I imagined things turning out well and they did and I felt pretty good. I went on to reduce my cellphone bill and I also had my OSAP payments put on hold so I could afford to survive financially.
The 2nd thing I wanted to do was apply for a job but I got such extreme anxiety and I became a nervous wreck and felt the anxiety symptoms so bad that I could barely think straight and was so spaced out there that I probabbly looked like I was on drugs. I've realized that there is an underlying fear there that needs to be addressed first and that has to do with sleep. I had tried to find a job on a day I wasn't well rested and I hadn't worked on my sleep for ahwile and it was all over the place so I made sleep my #2 thing.
So In order to commit to my sleep goal, I asked my friend to give me the wake up call every morning at 7am for a week or 2. See I tried to do this myself but I would chicken out and I would just change the time I'd set my alarm on my phone so I could get my 8 hours of sleep and now, I have no choice because I am not in control of it now and I have to do it, there is no getting out of it!
Also I was avoiding social situations so I've made it a priority to hangout with someone or call someone on a daily basis. Tuesdays I workout with my workout buddy, I also try to hangout with 2 other people on a regular basis as well and thats going alright and I think because I use the guided meditations, I'm able to enjoy it more.
Renewing committment to relaxation cd
Well I definately did that well using guided meditations and self hypnosis anyways. I went to youtube as well as other places on the net and found a number of diffrent guided meditations so I woudln't get too bored and I found some really good ones. Usually I used 1 or 2 when I first wake up, I use another after I workout at the gym and sometimes I use one before I go to sleep to calm me down but lately I've been so exhausted that I just resisted using it so intensely that I didn't do it. I do feel more relaxed and I can calm myself down more. Actually I had committed to this before facing the gym issue and it helped me to do that and to stay calm while I was talking to the guy about reducing my cost.
What are your experiences with the action assignments this week?
By the way I'm starting lesson 13 tomorrow but we can still talk about the action assignments in this lesson.
Mike
1 of the 2 things I was avoiding doing was going into the gym and getting my gym membership cost reduced and I did that. I used the relaxation cd and a few other guided meditations before I left my house, i walked to the gym and used slow breathing as I walked there and I imagined things turning out well and they did and I felt pretty good. I went on to reduce my cellphone bill and I also had my OSAP payments put on hold so I could afford to survive financially.
The 2nd thing I wanted to do was apply for a job but I got such extreme anxiety and I became a nervous wreck and felt the anxiety symptoms so bad that I could barely think straight and was so spaced out there that I probabbly looked like I was on drugs. I've realized that there is an underlying fear there that needs to be addressed first and that has to do with sleep. I had tried to find a job on a day I wasn't well rested and I hadn't worked on my sleep for ahwile and it was all over the place so I made sleep my #2 thing.
So In order to commit to my sleep goal, I asked my friend to give me the wake up call every morning at 7am for a week or 2. See I tried to do this myself but I would chicken out and I would just change the time I'd set my alarm on my phone so I could get my 8 hours of sleep and now, I have no choice because I am not in control of it now and I have to do it, there is no getting out of it!
Also I was avoiding social situations so I've made it a priority to hangout with someone or call someone on a daily basis. Tuesdays I workout with my workout buddy, I also try to hangout with 2 other people on a regular basis as well and thats going alright and I think because I use the guided meditations, I'm able to enjoy it more.
Renewing committment to relaxation cd
Well I definately did that well using guided meditations and self hypnosis anyways. I went to youtube as well as other places on the net and found a number of diffrent guided meditations so I woudln't get too bored and I found some really good ones. Usually I used 1 or 2 when I first wake up, I use another after I workout at the gym and sometimes I use one before I go to sleep to calm me down but lately I've been so exhausted that I just resisted using it so intensely that I didn't do it. I do feel more relaxed and I can calm myself down more. Actually I had committed to this before facing the gym issue and it helped me to do that and to stay calm while I was talking to the guy about reducing my cost.
What are your experiences with the action assignments this week?
By the way I'm starting lesson 13 tomorrow but we can still talk about the action assignments in this lesson.
Mike
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Mike,
Thanks for posting the video, it was good. Something to keep in mind.
I liked what you said
Also are you thinking whan you say "this advise can be behind a secondary gain" do you mean for them or for me?
It was a interesting perspective all the same...
I think for me a social circle, is something out side the regular routine something different, where I can be creative and inter act with others with similar interest. In the past I have had my horses. I had others I would ride with, show, take lessons and go to different events. My horse is too old for many things now days, and I'm not so sure I want to get a new one, I am just in a funk and need some sun and warm temps to help me get excited about doing something different.
Yes those games do but I still play them! LOL... I need to get something like what you have so I can learn more fun things!
( I just about lost my post! Good thing you told me how to save,yey!)
I absolutely love!!!! Replace a irrational thought with a rational one!!!! Much better than working on all the negative thoughts.
Also don't try to catch and replace every single thought, you said that very well!
Making it a goal to find the lie in the irrational thoughts is a very good way to stop the pattern. I have used this to help when I know I am starting to obsess.
It is alot of work, and I do believe I too have resisted many changes. The good news is that my life is much better by the efforts I have put in helping myself. I too have things to work on, I know it is a process and maybe a whole journey? We all have many things to be proud of, even small progress is better than none at all! Maybe we can revisit this lesson, I'm ready for 13!
Thanks for posting the video, it was good. Something to keep in mind.
I liked what you said
I'm sure in my case this is true. So do you say consider the source, how do you polity either end the conversation, or change the subject when you realize that what the other person has to give you will not work for you, ie just more negative in put?One thing you need to keep in mind is that no matter how negative it might seem, most people's advice to your struggles and problems is their attempt to help you out. They give the best they can but sometimes it can come off very negative and it can be based on irrational thoughts unfortunately. They give advice based on what they think works for themselves in that situation. Sometimes this advice can be behind a secondary gain itself! Like fear.
Also are you thinking whan you say "this advise can be behind a secondary gain" do you mean for them or for me?
It was a interesting perspective all the same...
I think for me a social circle, is something out side the regular routine something different, where I can be creative and inter act with others with similar interest. In the past I have had my horses. I had others I would ride with, show, take lessons and go to different events. My horse is too old for many things now days, and I'm not so sure I want to get a new one, I am just in a funk and need some sun and warm temps to help me get excited about doing something different.
Yes those games do but I still play them! LOL... I need to get something like what you have so I can learn more fun things!
( I just about lost my post! Good thing you told me how to save,yey!)
I absolutely love!!!! Replace a irrational thought with a rational one!!!! Much better than working on all the negative thoughts.
Also don't try to catch and replace every single thought, you said that very well!
Making it a goal to find the lie in the irrational thoughts is a very good way to stop the pattern. I have used this to help when I know I am starting to obsess.
It is alot of work, and I do believe I too have resisted many changes. The good news is that my life is much better by the efforts I have put in helping myself. I too have things to work on, I know it is a process and maybe a whole journey? We all have many things to be proud of, even small progress is better than none at all! Maybe we can revisit this lesson, I'm ready for 13!
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Here is the link for the challenge lesson 13
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 62&t=24775
Mike
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 62&t=24775
Mike
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
THH
Well in some cases that statement about them trying to help you out may not be true which is usually determined by if they are being sarcastic, have a very negative tone to their words or are trying to get you to do something that isn't in your best interest but would benefit them. As for how to respond well I don't think there is one universal way to respond but using some of the communication techniques we talked about awhile ago would help...ie. find something in what they say to be true and agree with that. You can also thank them for what they have said and while you thank them don't focus on how what they said was wrong or useless just thank them for taking their time and putting effort into helping out or even just asking for what you really want which may be just to have them listen and understand you.
The secondary gain would be for them...ie, if person X was afraid of conflict and they were trying to advise you in a situation that could create a conflict or is a conflict then they may react in a way that would create worry to the point of avoiding thinking about it. Their secondary gain is that they would scare themselves so much that they wouldn't have to even deal with the thought of conflict and thus might influence you and make you worry to the point where you want to avoid it. Does that make sense?
Alright well maybe social circle with horse like events is not in there then...maybe taking up a new hobby would be better.
Thank you, I have been fortunate to learn these diffrent ideas when it comes to thought replacement from David D Burns. They've been very helpful especially when I'd get frustrated with replacing thoughts.
I think you've done very well with your progress and efforts...whats that like almost a year of using the skills for you now? Great positive about small progress too. We can definately revisit this lesson!
Mike
Well in some cases that statement about them trying to help you out may not be true which is usually determined by if they are being sarcastic, have a very negative tone to their words or are trying to get you to do something that isn't in your best interest but would benefit them. As for how to respond well I don't think there is one universal way to respond but using some of the communication techniques we talked about awhile ago would help...ie. find something in what they say to be true and agree with that. You can also thank them for what they have said and while you thank them don't focus on how what they said was wrong or useless just thank them for taking their time and putting effort into helping out or even just asking for what you really want which may be just to have them listen and understand you.
The secondary gain would be for them...ie, if person X was afraid of conflict and they were trying to advise you in a situation that could create a conflict or is a conflict then they may react in a way that would create worry to the point of avoiding thinking about it. Their secondary gain is that they would scare themselves so much that they wouldn't have to even deal with the thought of conflict and thus might influence you and make you worry to the point where you want to avoid it. Does that make sense?
Alright well maybe social circle with horse like events is not in there then...maybe taking up a new hobby would be better.
I understand what you are saying and for sure sun and warm temperatures definately help with mood but it is a dangerous belief you have there. What that says to me is that you are telling yourself that you aren't going to be able to get excited until its warmer outside. Not a good limitation to have on yourself as it just puts you into a rut...Do you understand?I am just in a funk and need some sun and warm temps to help me get excited about doing something different.
Thank you, I have been fortunate to learn these diffrent ideas when it comes to thought replacement from David D Burns. They've been very helpful especially when I'd get frustrated with replacing thoughts.
I think you've done very well with your progress and efforts...whats that like almost a year of using the skills for you now? Great positive about small progress too. We can definately revisit this lesson!
Mike
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 12
Mike!
You caught me!!! LOLOLOL.....
It feels GREAT! April will be a year. I really have more peace, have enjoyed more days, have gotten to know myself better, been more positive, I'm more assertive, I'm doing well. Always learning....
You caught me!!! LOLOLOL.....
This is what I do! I do understand, At times I can't seam to help myself! LOL... IN A RUT!I am just in a funk and need some sun and warm temps to help me get excited about doing something different.
It feels GREAT! April will be a year. I really have more peace, have enjoyed more days, have gotten to know myself better, been more positive, I'm more assertive, I'm doing well. Always learning....