I normally don't post alot but I needed to share this with everyone. I have been on a 3 months quest to CURE myself and my anxiety and obsesssive thoughts. 2 1/2 years ago I did the program and it worked well... until this Augest when I experienced alot of trauma and I fell on my face so to speak. Over the last 3 months I have took a leave from a job I hated the whole time I have been there and I only took it because it was a job I thought I SHOULD have verses the one I was working at. I found my anxiety spiraling back after the trauma, and it involved a death of a smaill child, but we were right there and up until that point in my life I was doing what I SHOULD do, working where I thought I SHOULD work and living the life I thought I SHOULD live.... The anxiety has been bad since. BUT, maybe this was all suppose to be. This leave of absence from this job is maybe the opportunity to move forward and this things that hvae happened maybe weren't so horrible after all... "life lessons" bringing me to a place to take a good hard look at my life. In talking with a life long frind today she said, "your anxiety is here from making you see where you have not been true to yourself"... what do I dream of, want to be, want to be living, what do I need... The anxiety has acted as a "crutch" to stay stuck so I don't move forward out of fear of what would happen if I really became who I am meant to be? Would I chose different friends, want to move but don't want to upset my kids, live in a different city but may not be my husbands dreams... so "what if" I followed my dreams??? What would happen to them and the "safe" people in my life???? Who would we be if we didn't hide behind the wall of anxiety... the wall that hides us from our authentic self???? Scary huh? Yep you bet. I am on a mission to spend the next two weeks not trying to "fix" me but "explore" me.... trying new foods, doing what I want to do... Writing out my dreams and how I see my life in 2,4 10 years from now..... Life doesn't put limits on us we do.... anxiety cannot hold us back only we can... Maybe if we started concentrating on what we DO WANT and NOT on what we DON"T want (like our anxiety) our focus would change and our feelings and thoughts would follow..... We all have had dreams before anxiety and somehow we have let that masks our dreams... those dreams our still there and we really need to dig done deep and find out what we are truly hiding from. Is it fear of anxiety, ending up alone, change, or for some what will our life truly be like if we were happy??? I will let you know how my quest goes to find what some of those things that make ME happy goes... Anxiety I believe may be here to teach us something about ourselves and the way we are living our lives.. That's why no pill or program can never totally be the answer to it all because the real answer lies within eash and everyone of us IF we are willing to listen. I pray each of you has a blessed day and I pray we all find our path to happiness.... Laura
Thanks! Paislee